Comments on saucy's sprinkles (bloggedy blog blog): the forgiveness hypothesis

Saucy, Currently I'm working through a simil...

2012-01-16T04:07:35.155-06:00

Saucy,

Currently I'm working through a similar situation, this person was my trusted good friend that I loved dearly - and turned on me in a heartbeat - and then did his/her level best to humilate me in a truly horrible fashion. It's been a year, and I don't think about it so much - but occasionally I wonder what would happen if he/she asked for forgiveness. It seems to me, the hurt and the damage was done in the past - and there is nothing this person can do to take that back or change it. The events can't be undone. You've gotten over it, so this issue is hers, not yours. I'd let her deal with it. Although, I would love to hear why she waited 6 years.

As someone who has contemplated one of those Pleas...

2012-01-10T20:27:48.113-06:00

As someone who has contemplated one of those Please Forgive Me Ten Years Too Late apology notes, I can truthfully say it's more about her feelings of guilt than about you. Do what you darn well please. But bear in mind, if you accept her apology a la Mrs. G, you will probably never have to hear from her again.

okay I came back to read this again - you have a &...

2012-01-10T14:13:05.647-06:00

okay I came back to read this again - you have a "Saucy classic" here!

Bahahahahahahahahahahahah... thanks you made my n...

2012-01-09T23:27:43.662-06:00

Bahahahahahahahahahahahah... thanks you made my night...that is all

Oh goodness....I'd give her the benefit of the...

2012-01-09T20:19:09.705-06:00

Oh goodness....I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and accept her apology although I probably wouldn't jumb back into her life.

"The limit does not exist..." pure geniu...

2012-01-09T20:15:38.819-06:00

"The limit does not exist..." pure genius! Only a true Mean Girls fan would appreciate that : )

Oh and the Meatloaf chart was hilarious too!

It's no fun avoiding people in stores, or avoi...

2012-01-09T20:15:26.456-06:00

It's no fun avoiding people in stores, or avoiding stores. What can you do to be free of that?

Love all the graphs but especially laughed at the ...

2012-01-09T20:10:52.084-06:00

Love all the graphs but especially laughed at the last one! I'm not a huge one in the way of forgiveness (in cases of extreme wrong-doing as it would sound is the case with he/she-who-shall-not-be-named)... I hold quite a grudge... ask me about my life up to...age 35, we'll say.

But seriously, I will forgive anything- that's...

2012-01-09T19:42:07.518-06:00

But seriously, I will forgive anything- that's me. I can't stand the burden of carrying a grudge! Too much work/too much thinking!!
I take the easy way.

Fuck her....I LOVED YOU!! And you make me laugh a...

2012-01-09T19:38:19.889-06:00

Fuck her....I LOVED YOU!! And you make me laugh all the time!!

Oh you made me laugh with this one. Its a tough ...

2012-01-09T19:37:19.416-06:00

Oh you made me laugh with this one. Its a tough one for sure and so many have offered great ideas... here is what I think. First of all you must feel some vindication to see it written on paper that it was her fault, I would take a little pleasure in that. I don't believe in holding a grudge - I heard a quote that its like letting someone live 'rent free' in your brain. You are better (mental illness wise) to just let it go. To me, it sounds like you have done just that and 'let it go'. I also think that you can acknowledge her apology without forgiving her. Just a simple thank you for the apology is enough. To me that would say I'm happy you admitted you were wrong but doesn't mean it was 'okay' what you did to me. I read your post over and don't see that you were really friends. In fact, if I were to read into your pie-chart fun, you were more of a 'professional favour do-er' to her and in return she got you fired. My favourite part is that she missed you! Missed having you to do favours for? So from that I gather there isn't a friendship to even save. Even if you were to extend an apology (or you were to formally forgive her) I don't see you sharing cupcakes with her anytime soon! Now if it were me? I am kinda nosy so I would be VERY anxious to find out the WHY behind the apology and if in fact we should just call it 'step 8' or whatever step it is... lol that is where I would be going with it.
PS - did she ever ask you to make her a pie chart? Because that would be almost TOO ironic.

Take the 'high road' and know that you did...

2012-01-09T18:08:45.945-06:00

Take the 'high road' and know that you did!

I almost peed my pants reading this. You have a g...

2012-01-09T17:44:27.256-06:00

I almost peed my pants reading this. You have a gift for use of pir charts!

What a total HOOOOOT! ...and no, I truly don't...

2012-01-09T14:42:42.504-06:00

What a total HOOOOOT! ...and no, I truly don't think she reads your blog either :)

You had me at "The limit does not exist!"...

2012-01-09T12:07:56.855-06:00

You had me at "The limit does not exist!" (Naturally...we speak in movie lines around here.)

I read this right after you posted it and wanted to comment right away (coulda been the first...woohoo!!) but I honestly had to mull it over. I believe you are right in that your forgiveness will only make HER feel better (especially if it truly isn't in your heart.) Why give her that gift when she got you fired and now SIX years later she apologizes?? Seems fishy. Perhaps the fair thing to do is wait six years to reply to her request?! Heh heh...

I WANT MY SHIRT BACK!!!! (Sorry...couldn't resist!)

What a hilarious post on a serious topic. Here'...

2012-01-09T11:34:26.180-06:00

What a hilarious post on a serious topic.
Here's what i believe about forgiveness:
-it is absolutely necessary to have a peaceful heart
-but you don't OWE it to anyone
-forgivenes can only come in its own time, not forced
-forgive definately does NOT mean forget
-just because you forgive someone does NOT mean you have to have them back in your life
-no one should ask for public forgiveness and it certainly doesn't have to be given
-follow your heart, but always be honest

The pie charts made my day. I'm not sure what...

2012-01-09T11:29:52.286-06:00

The pie charts made my day.

I'm not sure what to do with her apology or if doing anything is necessary if you don't want her to be in your life anymore. I do know that holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Angela

Love the pie charts, they're hysterical and I&...

2012-01-09T11:29:02.824-06:00

Love the pie charts, they're hysterical and I'm totally with you, I have to say, even without knowing the situation. I hold on to grudges too. I might forget but I don't forgive when someone reminds me. (*unless someone has REALLY begged and it behooves me to forgive publicly so they finally leave me alone but privately they're still not forgiven - ahem, my husband)

So I don't have any advice beyond this: don't forgive because you think it's expected of you or because of peer pressure. I think that if you look at the pie chart illustrating the benefits to you, it tells you what you need to know :)

Holy MOLY this made me laugh until my coffee spill...

2012-01-09T11:17:35.189-06:00

Holy MOLY this made me laugh until my coffee spilled and I think I may have wet my pants. I too would do anything for love, but I would not forgive THAT.

Oh dear. I have one of these "friends" f...

2012-01-09T10:57:05.649-06:00

Oh dear. I have one of these "friends" from the past too. Though I have never received, nor do I ever expect to receive an apology from her.

Although the hurt has certainly lessened. I did learn a lesson and I have moved on. (Not quite to the point of forgiveness, but I am not at hate and hurt and holding onto to it either.) That said, I say you can either:

1) Thank her via a note for her apology but at the same time NICELY get across you are not intested in resuming your friendship.

2) Do nothing and if you run into her, thank her in person, but also getting across the friendship is over.

3) Do nothing and continue to avoid her should you end up in the same store. (Which might be what I would choose.) :)

Either way, it was nice (I hope) to finally get an apology, albeit a very long time coming.

Remember you are not obligated to respond to this.

I loved this post and the pie charts! Sometimes I think you need your own segment to a comedy show! Or, maybe your own comedy show where you sell cupcakes at intermission!

Hugs!

So... how come no one suggested sending the note t...

2012-01-09T10:22:39.945-06:00

So... how come no one suggested sending the note to the person who fired you? Does that just mean that I'm evil for even coming up with the idea?

I hold grudges, but only for the most nasty, evil people who have wronged me. It's a short list, fortunately... there are only 3 people on it - one from 18 years ago, and 2 from last year.

While it may not be the healthiest thing, sometimes the heat from the simmering in my brain keeps me warm :)

You have no reason to believe she has anything but her own benefit in mind here... loved the pie charts!

I enjoy your posts SO much. True talent. 6 years t...

2012-01-09T09:26:09.089-06:00

I enjoy your posts SO much. True talent. 6 years too late is an apology to make HER feel better. Not you. I think if she pursued apology over and over again in a sincere manner right after the wrong, you may be obliged to acknowledge it in some way (even if you have no wish to have a friendship and that is entirely your choice) But 6 years later? Really? In a random card in the mail? I don't really know what to say about that.

I've "forgiven" in Mrs. G's term...

2012-01-09T09:21:31.980-06:00

I've "forgiven" in Mrs. G's terms, let stuff go but not re-connected with poisonous, vile people. I think that's a good route to take. And I LOVE your pie charts. Because FUNNY and PIE and CHARTS!

I don't know what the answer is. I am actuall...

2012-01-09T09:09:31.029-06:00

I don't know what the answer is. I am actually going through this with my own sisters, who are being the "mean girls" and we are in our 30's and 40's. Your post made me laugh. I know for me it's impossible to forget, I don't know if I am forgiving but I was trying to "move on" only to be ambushed by them both again. Good luck with your situation.

After 6 years there really is no point in holding ...

2012-01-09T08:35:25.196-06:00

After 6 years there really is no point in holding a grudge is there? But you should probably just tell her you have moved on with life and it's fine if that is indeed the case. Surely she IS motivated by something...