drooling over fashion

It's been just over ten days since Saucy had two of her wisdom teeth removed.  She'd like to report that she's feeling fabulous, she's at her fighting weight and she has plenty to say.  Alas, she's still more down and out than up and at it.  Because she wants to be perfectly honest with you - and this may gross you out - she's got some funny side effects. 

Like, her face is numb.  And she's drooling.  How very unsexy.  Like, someone get Justin Timberlake, now.

She's only checking in to say "hi" and see what you thought about the dresses at the SAG Awards.  She thinks that by picking apart the wardrobe choices of beautiful, famous women at the height of their beauty she might feel better about the fact that there is a thin, steady stream of spit pouring out of the left side of her mouth and her dentist reminded her that "this stuff is more prone to happen when you're old." 


For instance, Saucy is the exact same age as Nicole Kidman.  Nicole isn't wearing flannel cupcake pyjamas and wiping her face with hand towels every twenty minutes.  Just looking at that gorgeous navy beaded sheath makes Saucy wince with a bit more pain.  This is the pain of jealousy.

Actress Nina Dobrev sparkled in a form-fitting bright gown with peekaboo slashes.  This is the kind of sexy Saucy would like to be if she didn't sound like a drunk stroke victim.

However, the kind of sexy that Naya Rivera brought was just a tad too much.  Saucy likes the entire look, sans the cleavage.  Ladies, can we just keep a tiny bit left to the imagination?

Yes, for those of you in the know, Saucy wore a shirt like that once.  Just once.  She'll never, ever regret it.

It was back when she had all her teeth.

Oh, and let's also discuss the side-boob, a new fashion revolution!  Saucy is not for it.  Are you?  Michelle Dockery went for it... had she one more inch of opacity on that front bib, she would look just fabulous.  Beyond fabulous.

The problem with the side-boob on this particular look is that it is distracting.  Look away for ten seconds and then look back.


Oh, Tina Fey, you can do no wrong right now in Saucy's poor eyes.  The end of 30Rock draws near this Thursday and we will all be worse off for it.

Thank you for being chic tonight!

To Amy Poehler, thank you for being the Second Lady of Comedy as well as the Second Lady of Chic tonight... throwing that green snakeskin bag into your ensemble makes Saucy lurrve you even more.

And to Anne Hathaway, thank you for being generally chic above the waist but channeling Demi Moore's bike short mishap below the waist!  Not chic.

About Ariel Winter Saucy is generally undecided but since she is as young as The Cheerios themselves Saucy will not say anything negative.  It is a sweet (but fussy) look... and age appropriate, so there.  Good for her!

In fashion, Saucy does not usually "get" Zac Posen but this look on Amanda Seyfried is quite nice and Saucy is the first one to point out that the styling - the long necklace and sideswept hair - turn this look from drab to fab.

Maybe even a few shorter strands of necklace may have propelled this look further.

Claire Danes:  Ugh.  Do not like.

Freida Pinto in hot hot pink: this is really cute.  The draping makes her look a little top heavy (and she's not) so Saucy assumes this was designed for a taller gal.  Also, Jennifer Lawrence did this hot pink with black ribbon thing last awards season, so been there, done that.

This is quite a seafoam green getup on Ellie Kemper.  It's a gorgeous colour for her skin and hair but something needs to be done about that folded bow at her waist.  It really doesn't need to be there.

(Saucy says this as she pulls a hand towel from the waistline of her pyjama bottoms to wipe her face).  Classy.

Here's a loaded statement:  Saucy likes the dress that January Jones chose.  She just hates the cropped, slicked hairdo, the tangerine lips and the cross, pouty face.

Seriously... squint and hold your thumb over her face.  Again, it's sometimes up to the stylist and the person wearing the garment.

Helen Hunt looked fab in top-to-toe dull silver sequins.  And why was Twitter abuzz about her having had "work done" to look this good?  As if everyone there hasn't had "work done."  As if Saucy wouldn't have "work done" if she had the chance or she thought it wouldn't leave her permanently disfigured.  As if Saucy won't have to get "work done" to recover from this dental catastrophe, which has added ten years to her face.

Generally, nobody cares what Guiliana Rancic wears but Saucy would like to address her silly behaviour on the red carpet.  You are an interviewer madam, nobody cares if you juggle nor what the next dance craze is.  This is not Laugh In.  Stay at home with your child the next time you want to get down and "make it rain," Saucy will gladly step in and ask the celebrities about their fashion choices.

And strictly speaking, Saucy is tired of Kelly Osbourne's purple hair already.  It is so 2011.  It is also completely distracting from the tasteful nature of this gown by Jenny Packham.

Jayma Mays: cute, cute, cute.  Please cancel Glee now.  It's not good anymore.

Jennifer Lawrence played it safe in navy.  She lifted that overskirt up to step onstage when accepting her award and revealed the netting and whatnot underneath.  Since she should have anticipated that she had a very high chance of winning at this ceremony after winning a Golden Globe, she should have also anticipated the skirt-lift scenario.  She loses points for not planning ahead.

Jessica Chastain loses points for looking like Jessica Rabbit.  She gains points for not hiding underneath layers of bad draping (see Golden Globes post, below).

Jennifer Garner:  Hmmm... the jury is still out.  Saucy is drooling again but it's probably medical and has nothing to do with your look but just to be on the safe side, she will reserve judgement in print.  It may actually be a nice dress.

Jordin Sparks, wearing something nice and tasteful but a little forgettable and in need of some sort of accessory and apparently, shoes.

This is just simply a case of poor, poor fit.  And may Saucy say, now that her dentist has labeled her "old" and she has accepted it... it might be that Julienne Moore (like Saucy herself) is a tad too long of the tooth to be wearing this neckline.  And if she dare attempt it, may it fit better next time.

This is Kerrie Washington looking trendy in a two-piece.  It reads a little "bridal," but whatever.

Poor Lea Michele, sometimes she gets it so right and other times she gets it so wrong!  Have you ever seen that scene in The Prince & Me when Julia Stiles is being fitted for the coronation gown in a pink muslin fitting gown?  This is that gown.  No, Saucy is completely being serious.  It's just unfinished and undone.  The ring and earrings are great but the dress is just a terrible, terrible blob of pink taffeta.  This, Dear Friends, reads "bridesmaid" all the way down the red carpet.

Usually, Lea Michele gets knocked for attempting to look like a vixen, or a young Sofia Vergara.

Sofia Vergara's dress... imagine if it were not shiny material and then imagine some nice shoes.  Then imagine Lea Michele wearing it.  Better, right?

There really are no words to describe this look on Rose Byrne except to infer that the words would not be nice and Saucy will keep them to herself.  This would be an okay look to wear to a wedding as a guest in a garden.  And even then, it is a widening look that Ms. Byrne has chosen many times before and seems to like.

Naomi Watts looked elegant and unfussy in a terribly fussy detailed gown.  Those blue-grey nails helped quite a bit.

Those shoes, while being super fun and all, are just a tad overpowering for the otherwise interesting gown chosen by Julianna Margulies.  This is probably one of those gowns one "has to see in person" to appreciate as you might notice in the closeup there is some interesting detail between the colour blocking.  But the shoes, no.  Just no.

And lastly... as her pain meds wear off and as Girls starts in just a few minutes... Saucy would like to go out on a limb and say that Marion Cotillard looked really lovely in this (ugh, dare we say it) mullet gown.  The high/low dress.  Whatever you want to call it... it is a dangerous look because it puts you in precariously trendy territory should you choose it.  The look in general will always scream "I wore this in 2013" and unless it is your school formal, that scream is one you should avoid.  Somehow, this crossed over into the timeless category and Saucy can only attribute the styling.  The perfect pointed pump, the short dark nails, the cropped bob and beaded clutch... and the watch.  Dear God, The Watch.


a cheerios update

Here they are... the last team of Cheerios that Saucy will probably ever work with.  The end is drawing near.  It's the very last competition season.  They are truly the sweetest group of girls Saucy has ever had the pleasure to coach.  It's also one of the largest.  There was a plan to condense the two teams at the school to be just one team, but there were so many kids at tryouts it was decided at the last minute to keep two groups.

This year Saucy has stepped back and handed over "front-of-mat" duties to some very talented young women with lots of experience coaching some very elite cheer athletes.  It wasn't even that hard to hand over the reigns to people that are so good at what they do.  Plus, the girls have responded very well to their new mentors and Saucy has more time to make fluffy yellow hair bows, help sell cupcakes, and do things like this:

This is the spirit stick.  The team has always wanted one, and this is the year their wish came true.  For their last year together as a team, they each penciled a wish or favourite saying onto a wooden rolling pin.  Some of the sayings were:

"Clean wins every time"
"Keep Calm and Cheer On"
"I like big bows and I cannot lie"
"Never ever ever ever give up"
"Nothing worth having comes easy"
"Athletes lift weights... cheerleaders lift athletes"

... and there were more, including a dedication of the season to a special Dad and someone (probably Loopy) even invoked Paula Deen.

So now, the wishes of the team are inside the stick.  The wishes got covered with white, yellow and green paint and bedazzled as much as it could.  It also sparkles with the power of cupcakes.

The team spirit stick travels to every competition and must never, ever touch the ground.  You've seen the movie.  You know the deal.  By and large, cheerleaders are a superstitious lot.

Saucy plans to letter each one of the teams accomplishments on the yellow part of the stick as they happen.  After this Saturday, there's already something to list: The Cheerios finished first in their division at their first competition and were placed second overall across divisions.  It was an excellent first outing.

It was even more exciting because the overall grand champions on Saturday were the other team from the school.  They won their respective level and had the overall highest percentage score of every other team in every division.  Basically, it was a green and gold smackdown.

There was some solid feedback from the judges and Saucy will do whatever she can to help the new, amazing coaches help the girls be even more perfect when they hit the mats again on February 13.

One of the judges said that the team needed to work on smiling more.  Saucy isn't really sure about that because from what she saw everyone, including most of the new girls, had pretty wide grins across their faces.

By and large, their facials were pretty amazing for the first time out - given that a few of them are new to cheerleading.  They will only get more confident as the season goes along.

No matter what the judges saw, it was cool that people from the stands came up to Saucy afterwards to say what a joyful team they are to watch.  That's a pretty powerful word... joyful.  Especially coming from other coaches and total strangers.

Isn't that what it's supposed to be about?  Spreading good cheer and being joyful, over every other thing.  This group has that in spades.  They don't really need a spirit stick to bring it when they perform. The spirit isn't inside the stick, it's inside each one of them.

And now, they have a little taste of success to build on and away they go... increasing their level of difficulty every single time they compete.

But always, always smiling and spreading joy.

This is joy!

The team won't practice for a whole week now, they have final exams.  Saucy scheduled the wisdom teeth on her left side to come out tomorrow, taking advantage of this little cheer down-time. If she doesn't blog for a few days, she hasn't abandoned you again.

She's just on the sofa, watching taped television shows and holding a bag of frozen peas to her face.  Wish her luck... she's a little nervous.  She needs a little spirit from that stick right about now.