Saucy will keep this rundown short, sweet and to the point. Partly because she's fighting the flu, and partly because the awards themselves seemed so short she doesn't want to belabour the issue.
One thing she knows for sure, she's going to buy some white clothes for spring.
She might even buy a cape. Damn, Gwyneth Paltrow. Why do you always have to look so good? This outfit has finally erased the bubblegum pink Ralph Lauren bomb you dropped when you won for Shakespeare in Love.
Winner Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji. This is beautifully detailed and gathered. Obviously Octavia, you have found a designer that you can work with and you've worn his dresses all season. Saucy freely admits as well that she wept a little when you won the Academy Award this night.
Milla Jovovich, one of the first on the carpet - started the white trend of the night. She set the bar pretty high.
When Rooney Mara arrived, the reaction was mixed, but Saucy got it. She dug the modern Audrey Hepburn vibe, with the hair and the Givenchy dress. Audrey wore Givenchy when she won her Oscar in 1954:
Still, Saucy would have liked it if you wore some earrings or a less severe set of bangs. Only Audrey pulls off Audrey.
This will likely be touted as a flop, but Shailene Woodley's long sleeved gown was unexpected and kind of sweet. Remember, she is only in her early twenties and studying to be an herbalist. 'Nuff said.
What can Saucy say about JLo's racy Zuhair Murad gown that hasn't been said already? A little slip of the nip - and somewhere, Janet Jackson is crying, forever alone.
Rooney's sister, Kate Mara. She gives a totally different vibe. This Elie Saab gown is a little slouchy for Saucy's taste. It's a pretty dress, but it appears to be falling down.
Is it completely mean to ask why Cameron Diaz always appears at these events? She hasn't made a relevant movie since... who knows when? Are we counting Bad Teacher? Regardless, this gown by Gucci fits her like a glove and is a testament to properly fitting undergarments.
Glenn Close just works it in a forest green Zac Posen design. Saucy's never met a Zac Posen that she likes, so she'll skip the commentary.
From here on, things start getting brighter. More colour!
Natalie Portman in vintage Dior. It's just to die for, but the vibe of the necklace doesn't work with the polka dotted pattern. Just because it costs thousands, doesn't mean you should wear it. Pearls would have suited this dress better.
Saucy might take heat for this, but she lurrved Emma Stone's red dress by Giambattista Valli. She thought it made her favourite ginger look tall and elegant... better than Nicole Kidman when she wore a Balenciaga version a couple of years ago:
If you were tall, slender and famous, which of these two red gowns would you choose to be accessorized with a giant bow? Saucy votes for Emma, who's also looking taller these days because she's standing on the remains of Lindsay Lohan's career.
Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton. There could be some harsh criticism of the peplum, but Michelle is petite and can get away with it. Carrying a pink clutch made it fresh. Plus, she's sending a message: she's not conforming with her hair or her clothes. We get it.
Penelope Cruz conforms beautifully in this icy blue princess style gown. It was old Hollywood without looking too prom. Trust Saucy, who has been scouring malls and magazines for prom dresses with Cheerios... this is not prom. Not these days, anyway.
Saucy adores Viola Davis' natural hair, her Vera Wang dress and her clutch. The only problem she has is that we have all been subjected to Viola's cleavage all awards season. It was like giving her a visual mammogram each time she stepped on the carpet.
Here's a thought for you to mull over: this dress for Missi Pyle was made in an Eco-friendly way. The silk was spun by cruelty free silkworms. Yes, you read that right. The zipper was reclaimed from another garment as well.
Cruelty-free silkworms. That's a new one.
Boo to Berenice Bejo... The Artist won Best Picture but the actress's dress falls flat. The cut and the beading age her dramatically. That colour does nothing for her skin tone.
Oh, Angelina. Why must you be such a vamp? Because you can. From afar, this looked fine. But closeup... Saucy risks sounding catty, but having six children is taking its toll on you.
Saucy gets giddy when Tina Fey gets it right. In a custom Carolina Herrera of midnight blue, with a ton of fake hair in no doubt to promote Garnisse hair colour and shampoo. It's still gorgeous, with blue accessories.
Busy Phillips, friend of nominee Michelle Williams. The dress is appropriate for her to wear and are those red shoes? Squeal!
Do you enjoy Judy Greer as much as Saucy does? This dress, the fit and the hair are perfection for her.
Sarah Hyland in subtle violet. All season, she has been emerging as a fashion star to watch. She is this year's Mila Kunis.
On with the Bridesmaids:
Wendi McLendon-Covey in Simon Cote Couture. Now this, this is kind of prom. Especially the hair.
Maya Rudolph radiating in eggplant. It's perfect for her complexion and her figure.
Ellie Kemper in a rust and copper beaded sheath by Armani Prive. The colour and the fit are fine... but the bangs are super distracting. Even more so than Rooney Mara's. Get a trim.
Poor Melissa McCarthy. Someone talked her into this and Saucy would like to have had the opportunity to talk her out of it. The beading is nice and the colour kind of suits her (she's worn better) but the draping and material of that skirt... from the side... it was unfortunate. Let's hope she was comfortable.
Kristen Wiig looked natural and a little casual. Trust the funny girl not to take things too seriously and show up with black nail polish. Saucy would have thrown a beaded belt on this to jack it up a bit but it was okay. It looked fun to wear.
Rose Byrne... the haircut, the dress, the accessories. It was all just a touch of heaven on the red carpet. Best dressed nominee for sure.
Saucy liked Sandra Bullock's look by Marchesa even though it was kind of panned on Twitter. Kelly Osbourne accused this dress of being too large in the bodice and Saucy isn't sure, but she likes it. She really, actually likes it. It's different.
Let's get down to the nitty gritty... gold dresses. You might get away with this look if you are Stacy Keibler, or you might not. Saucy thinks this dress is a miss. It's entirely too much, even for this occasion. She's not a nominee or an actress... she's George Clooney's date du jour. Perhaps she wanted to be the golden statue he clutched onto forever in case he lost the award.
Word is, she and Angelina hate each other. Can you dig it?
Meryl Streep... she won the Oscar and also has to look like one in all of the photos that will follow her for a lifetime. It's just too much gold, too many folds and not overly flattering.
Saucy's best dressed? Jessica Chastain in Alexander McQueen. The only thing that misses here is the slightly unnatural tint to her hair this evening. It's just a little too peachy. The dress however, is devine. You cannot go wrong with McQueen.
That's all Saucy has to say about that. Her head is aching and her tummy hurts. Some years she stays up well past midnight to bring you this post... but this year you're on your own to add your commentary.
What did you think? Who was your worst dressed... who was your best? And what can Saucy do for this tummy ache?