emmy dresses

Saucy had every intention of "live blogging" the Emmy Awards fashion for you.  It did not happen with real-time updates because a) she was overwhelmed with photo editing from the Bedtime Stories photo shoot, and b) she saw a few of them on the red carpet and was underwhelmed.

She's not going to say much because she's dying to get to bed... and you know what she's thinking anyway.

Oh, and pleeeze.  Don't leave any "you were so mean" comments.  Saucy is offering constructive criticism.  Next time someone offers you a free dress to wear to a live broadcast event, illicit some.  You'll be glad you did.


Dear Alison Williams,

Saucy apologizes for thinking you were Amanda Peet, who always shows up looking drab and dreadful to these events.  The oft-quoted Barenaked Ladies lyric "but not a real green dress that's cruel" applies here, so enough about that.  The only things left to deal with are your too-long hemline and the fact that although you are giving it a good college try, the peplum is not coming back anytime soon.

Lurrve,
Saucy


Dear Amanda Peet,

See comments above.  Plus headband.

Sincerely,
Saucy



Dear Amy Poehler,

Divorce: it looks good on you.  Why so adorable?


Dear Cat Deeley,

So You Think You Can Wear a Bridesmaids Dress.  With pleats.

Gah.
Saucy


Dear Christina Hendricks,

If you loosen that belt a couple of holes, the entire thing might fit better.  Come on, give everyone a little room.

Good night and good luck,
Saucy


Dear Claire Danes,

Congratulations on your impending motherhood and winning an Emmy Award tonight.  You can likely hide it in this skirt!

Toodles,
Saucy


Dear Elisabeth Moss,

If Saucy can't say anything nice, she won't say anything at all.  This must be your lucky day.


Dear Emily VanKamp,

Perfection!  One of the best dressed of the night!  Fashion revenge is sweet.

xoxo,
Saucy


Dear Ginnifer Goodwin,

Saucy gets what you were trying to do but you fell short by about six inches.  Perhaps if this fell right to the floor and we were not subjected to your two-tone tap dancing shoes you may have succeeded.

Saucy


Dear Hayden Paniettiere,

Saucy doesn't get what you were trying to do but this does give her an idea for a wedding dress makeover that has been plaguing her.  She will attempt to be a little less heavy-handed with the tulle.  It looks like you had on a perfectly nice gold gown before you left the house and you got tangled up in someone's shower curtain.

Almost but not quite,
Saucy


Dear Heidi Klum,

As you often say yourself, in fashion... one day you're in, and the next, you're out!  This ill-fitting nightgown-slash-beach-coverup puts you out!

Auf Wiedersehen,
Saucy


Dear Jane Levy,

Thank you.  Saucy's eyes needed a freaking rest.  We can now return to our regularly scheduled heinous gowns.

Lurrve,
Saucy


Dear January Jones,

Why do you persist in donning these futuristic, sculptural dresses that don't even look good on seven-foot tall supermodels?  And, those platforms.  Geez.   Not again.

Saucy


Dear Jena Malone,

This looks fun to walk in and you wisely had enough of a seam at the slit to avoid looking like an Angelina-wannabe.

Well done,
Saucy


Dear Jessica Pare,

Saucy can only say nice things about this look... zu bi zu bi zu!

Au revoir,
Saucy


Dear Julienne Moore,

Too much... yellow.  Not enough skin.  See {Julie Bowen} below.

You're still young!  Live a little!
Saucy


Dear Julie Bowen,

Citrus perfection!  Not an easy colour, but you pulled it off and accessorized sparingly (and well).  Cat Deeley, take note.  This is what pleats can look like.

Saucy


Dear Kat Dennings,

Oy.  There is just not enough coverage.  We get it... you're full figured.  Must you throw it around like this?  It makes us nervous.

Sincerely,
Saucy (and everyone else)


Dear Kelly Osbourne,

Saucy never thought she would say this, but, matching your technicoloured hair to a taffeta gown kinda, sorta works.  For you.  Don't anybody else get any ideas out there.  This is a one-off look.

Word to the wise,
Saucy


Dear Kerry Washington,

Been there, done that.  Saucy doesn't get the whole gecko-on-the-handbag bit, but she might have missed something.  She sorely hopes this isn't a new trend looming on the horizon.


Dear Kristen Wiig,

Would it have killed you to get dressed up a bit?  This is very bridal shower/afternoon tea/folk festival.  Perhaps you have tickets for a Stevie Nicks concert later.  Oh, and the shoes... they're the kind of shoes you wear with skinny jeans.  Please see: sandals, "strappy" - for future reference.


Dear Lena Dunham,

This is why Saucy does not like Prada, be it the fake handbag Prada she sees the girls at the mall carrying, or the real, unflattering tablecloth style dress kind of Prada you sported tonight.

Saucy sees a few key cut lines that she would like to take her scissors to in an Emmy dress refashion.  It's the next big thing in blogging.

Send that dress to me,
Saucy


Dear Lucy Liu,

Almost the least flattering, most uncomfortable looking, overly shiny, disco-ball inspired suit-of-armor of the night.  Please go home.  You have seared Saucy's retinas forever.

Go home!
Saucy


Dear Melissa McCarthy,

It is likely that you can do no wrong at this point.  Even your sassy handbag and amethyst gemstone ring are on-point.  The dog head detail on the clutch is so much better than a lizard.

Saucy


Dear You... You.., (long awkward pause as Saucy Googles your name)... Michelle Dockery,

This gown was the height of fashion-forward in 1992, sported by graduates and prom queens everywhere.  Saucy sees you also clung tightly to your Swatch Watch and your Melrose Place makeup palate.  Here's to recycling!


Dear Nicole Kidman,

While Saucy is not overly fond of the dress, it's not the worst (nor the best) that you could do.  However, she would like to ask... regarding your hair... what gives?  Will you never again rock the curly natural look?  Your devotion to straightening is unwavering and unnatural.   Your hair is beginning to look as taut as your brow line.

I just want you to age naturally,
Saucy


Dear Padma Lakshmi,

Orange is the new black!  This looks exceptional on you.  Saucy cannot come up with one negative, spiteful thing to say about it...


Dear Portia de Rossi,

What.  The... what?  There are no words.  After Padma's perfection above, you parade about in this travesty.  This hideous monstrosity.  Even your wife Ellen looks a little confused by it.  You are roundly in contention with Lucy Liu for worst-dressed honours in a sea of dreadful frocks and getups.


Dear Sarah Hyland,

For someone so young, you either have a good eye for fashion, a good stylist, or a mother who cares about you very much.  This is top-notch.


Dear Sofia Vergara,

Saucy knows that whatever she says to you will fall on deaf ears and you will continue to dress like a Miss Universe contestant.  Enough already.


Dear Tina Fey,

Please Google: tan line prevention.  What else is there to say?

Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow,
Saucy


Dear Zooey Deschanel,

While in general, the dress is off to a good start, you would benefit from a bit more coverage on your bodice as well as a softer hairdo.  And perhaps some well-chosen accessories.  You're America's sweetheart, you can do this!


Dear Zosia Mamet,

So you got to this look before January Jones, huh?  Well, at the risk of sounding catty {me-owww} the ratio of eyebrow to piping trim in any one look should not hover around 1:1.

Too many lines.  Don't know where to look.

Saucy

Reader, who was your fashion hit or miss of this year's Emmy Awards? Go ahead... dish.  Nobody's here.  It's just you, Saucy, and your keyboard.  Let it out.

16 comments:

abearmadethis said...

I love you Saucy! Every year you make my day with your critique xxx

Tiffany said...

I too love your Emmy recaps. Here's mine, Cat Deeley, I love the color, could have taken this in a shorter dress? Elizabeth Moss, Love the idea of a print, love you on MadMen, I will close my eyes on this one. Please try again. Ginnifer Goodwin, I'll take the hi/low, but the shoes, no bueno. Jessica Pare - YESSS, all the way to the green ring, YESSS! Julie Bowen, 10 bonus points. Sarah Hylan, everything Saucy said x2.

Dayle said...

Edie Falco! Amazing.

ryann2 said...

I LOVE these posts, always my favorites!!!

Anonymous said...

Well said my friend, well said!!! @ Dayle yes Edie Falco did look amazing!!

Mairead said...

I agree on the tan lines, but I did like Tina Fey's dress. However, she needs to flatten the top of her hair a tad. Volume is good, but within reason. Neither a pancake nor Marge Simpson wannabe should thou be.

Anonymous said...

I don't think you're being mean, you were spot on!

Anonymous said...

You weren't being mean at all. I kind of think the problem with the last girl is the face as much as it is the outfit. There. I said it. It was kind of mean but I said it... {anonymously because that's what people do on the internet}

Saucy said...

Ladies

I need to find out what Edie Falco wore, STAT!

Off to look.

Saucy said...

http://blog.zap2it.com/pop2it/2012/09/emmy-awards-2012-red-carpet-edie-falco-and-the-stella-mccartney-dress-that-wont-go-away.html

Sara said...

Saucy for the win! Again. As always.
I agree with all EXCEPT Ginnefer Goodwin. Don't why but I like it.

J said...

I love your Emmy Dress recap! One of my fav posts that you do! Too funny... and not wrong!

Sharon S said...

I also loved Ginnifer Goodwin dress. I really like her style though. Somewhat retro vibe. I loved her in the H&M gown she wore to the White House http://scarletstiletto100.blogspot.ca/2012/04/ginnifer-goodwin-in-h-2012-white-house.html

Saucy said...

Sara, I like Ginnifer's dress too... but it would have been perfect as a full-length or a tea-length but that mullet thing, it's just not working for me. I did NOT like the shoes! I thought the dress was pretty nice.

Lisa Russell said...

I really liked Julianne Hough! One of my faves of the night. And I did not like Ashley Judd's high hair. LOVED Julie Bowen's dress on her! Worst has to have been Portia! What.In.the.world!!

Cassandra said...

How in the world did i miss this post?? You were SPOT ON, again. Too mean? If anything, you could have been more harsh on some of them....like Sophia Vargara, that was just hideous. And as much as I love her character on Mad Men, Christina Hendricks needs to be slapped for her "trying WAY too hard to be a bombshell" looks. She IS a bombshell, she needs to be more subtle about it! And that girl whose name you did not know, and I can't remember...those aren't just platform heels, they are shoes once reserved only for strippers and usually came in gold, or lucite. We need to give that entire look back to the strippers and get back to fashion! The ripple effects of Jessica Simpson and Kim Kardashian on real fashion are just TRAGIC! It's all like one big Fredericks of Hollywood catalog, and I'm just sick of it!