photo shoot tutorial


One of Saucy's readers emailed her and asked how she found so many glamorous places to take photos of Loopy and the rest of the Cheerios... she lamented that in her town, there weren't that many sweet spots to get a great shot.

Saucy decided it was time to spill the beans and share a few photo shoot secrets with you. This isn't a proper camera tutorial... there are some great technical ones and you can start by looking at other blogs and on You Tube. First, Saucy would recommend learning the basics about how to properly use your DSLR camera. So many of us have them but are limited by shooting in AUTO mode but there is so much more you can do with your camera, you just have to spend a few minutes every so often familiarizing yourself with its functions.

Today is about scouting a spot for a location shoot. If you want glamour... look no further:


This is where Saucy took Loopy for her most recent photo shoot. How very un-glamourous, indeed. Notice the portable washroom in the shot.

No, seriously. Take note of it. You don't want to find some great light and take beautiful pictures only to find later something so perfectly horrible it wrecks your shot.


This lesson is about finding the right light. This time of year (autumn) is delicious for warm, rosy sunsets. But you have to act fast - once the sun actually starts to set - "the golden hour" whittles away quickly. Make sure your camera battery is fully charged and your memory card is clear and ready to fill.

Head out a day or so before you plan to shoot, around the same time of day. Try for about an hour and half to an hour before sunset is scheduled. You might want to check the Weather Channel. Don't go out too many days in advance - the sunset time can change rapidly and so can the weather.

As you can see from the above photos, Saucy doesn't look too much at the background. What she's watching for is the quality of the light. She likes a nice warm sunset in an area where the light is slightly diffused, meaning it is not brightly shining on the face of her subject or casting unflattering shadows. (Actually, if you aren't shooting at sunset, then the next best time to shoot is mid afternoon on an overcast day, for those very reasons). Saucy noticed this area when the traffic was re-routed in her neighbourhood due to bridge construction.

Bridges, by the way, make excellent spots to shoot portraits. They offer lots of interesting walls and angles and such. There are usually some crazy textures and graffiti happening as well.


So let's not talk about staging (the use of costumes and props) the shot here, that's a discussion for another day. Here, Loopy wears a plain white shirt and her hair loose and natural for the purposes of our tutorial. This is one of the first shots that we took. Under the bridge, at sunset, when the construction crew had left for the day. Loopy leaned casually against one of the bridge posts and Saucy angled around so part of the chain link fence would also be in the background. This offers some cool texture, some interest and there is also some indirect light making its way into the shot.


Saucy moved Loopy over to the side of the road - literally. This is where the roadside is angled upwards to the overpass and the ground is covered with cement blocks. It's not glamourous of course but the light was very nice.


Check out the low light coming from the west - it is sunset after all. Loopy faces north west-ish and again, Saucy angles around to that her subject isn't looking straight into the camera too much.

Loopy has sort of been trained by this point to keep her eyes on the camera lens and look into it whilst Saucy moves about. If you have a less experienced model, tell them to try to "look through" the lens and assure them that you will do most of the work, it will put them at ease.


If this were a technical tutorial Saucy would surely discuss "bracketing" to ensure that you have the right exposure level. This lesson is about adjusting the eye level of the camera to get an interesting, flattering angle for your subject. Move in and out and around your model.

Basically, digital shots are free. Don't be shy... just rattle off as many as you can in say, ten to twenty minutes during the "golden hour" before sunset. You want to work quickly because you don't want a cranky subject. Keep moving and shooting.


Also, make sure that you shoot plenty of vertical (portrait) shots and horizontal (landscape) vantage points. You don't want to get home and realize you kept shooting the same frame over and over. It gets a little stagnant.

Saucy wants to assure you that with the right light and very little planning, you can get a great shot of someone. In fact, almost all of these shots have not been edited in Photoshop, not even cropped.


Except this one. With Loopy looking down and away like that, Saucy thought it might be nice to desaturate the colours in it a wee bit - not taking it all the way down to black and white, just a little less intense.


In art school, Saucy figured out during the first week that just by invoking the Rule of Thirds she sounded very informed. Very art-schooly. Basically the Rule of Thirds means that you visually - and in your imagination - divide your composition into three parts and then place your subject into it leaving one third or two thirds as negative space.

Negative space is a fancy art-schooly way of saying "where there is nothing happening"... like, a background. Or some concrete.


In some compositions it is easy to spot the use of thirds. Above it is a classic negative space background. Saucy digs how the concrete blocks recede to the background, offering a kind of cool perspective that isn't overly distracting from her beautiful subject.


In this shot, the Rule of Thirds is less obvious but still there. Loopy's face is one third and each of her shoulders make up the other two thirds, along with the background. With all that hair framing her face, the focus is on her expression and her eyes and mouth become the focal points.


And if you are in fact interested in a little post-production editing or enhancement, Saucy might only suggest using the burn tool with a nice soft brush and light exposure around the edges. Burned edges bring even more of the focus and attention towards the subject.


Also, when shooting portraits, framing is key. Don't be afraid of getting in nice and tight... and don't be afraid of losing the top of your subject's head. It sounds horrible, but it works. It gives portraits an intimate feeling.


And whenever, however you can, try to get the light to shine on the hair of your model without shining directly on the side of the face (again watching for the unflattering shadows). In the studio, a photographer would rig up a "hair light" to get this effect but the sun will do it for us if it is low enough and casting long rays.

When you have the basic shots taken, you can enhance them with some basic editing. First, crop out anything you find distracting or superfluous (this includes porta-potties).


Then, you can try to add some excitement by playing with the brightness and contrast. Here, the brightness was upped +67. This is often called a "blown out" effect, from back when photographers used film and accidentally over exposed the frame, "blowing out" the contrast of the image and reducing the fine detail. Blowing out your subject can be very flattering in some cases.


Here is the same image, but instead of adjusting the brightness up, it was reduced -25 and the edges were burned again with a large soft brush and a low exposure. This creates drama.

Same shot, completely different effects.


It's fashionable right now to isolate the eyes and play with their contrast and exposure alone. This can be done in your photo editing software either manually or you can download "actions" to get the effect. Sometimes Saucy likes it and sometimes she does not.

You be the judge... here are two identical shots. The first is unedited, the second has been edited with an eye-enhancing action. Which do you prefer?



Saucy sort of digs the original but it's definitely fun to play around.


Some of the best shots need no editing whatsoever...


... because some shots are just the perfect capture of a golden moment.

Now pick up that camera and get crack a 'lackin!

quoth the swapper, nevermore


Saucy has really been off the whole internet swapping thing this year. She's had some pretty bad experiences with swap partners flaking and she puts in a fair bit of effort into her swaps so it gets discouraging. Plus, it's just been too busy around here with the kitchen renovations and much, much more.

She did decide to take part in Sarah's Halloween ornament swap - pretty impulsively - when it was announced and she's glad that she did because there hasn't been much crafty/making stuff happening around here at all. That said, she's not entirely sure about the outcome of these little Edgar Allan Poe ornaments... tiny black ravens were nary to be found for embellishment and the shipping date arrived too fast.


They are each adorned with a little orange Swarovski crystal, so that's nice. The portraits are mounted on aged tin and have an old-fashioned glass finish. 

So, if you are the recipient of a portrait ornament, feel free to add a raven if you can find it... 'tis only this, and nothing more.

finding autumn and more at the dollar store


The inside of the house is still kind of a disaster area, Saucy can only show you the outside. This week she filled the window boxes and the iron urns with fall foliage.

It's fake.

It's all from the Dollar Store.


Saucy keeps it in the attic during the rest of the year, stored in a flat cardboard crate that's for holding plastic clamshells of strawberries at the grocery store. If you can get your hands on those crates, they are crazy-handy. They are made to be sturdy, light and compact. They usually have some stacking component to them like cardboard feet or tabs on the bottom that fit into the crate below it.

When Saucy gets multiples of crates like that, she does a little happy dance and then she sorts out her seasonal junk and stacks them up.



And speaking of storage... Candy asked yesterday "Saucy, where will the sprinkles go?"... and here is the answer:



On the shelves in the butler's pantry, in the jars from Dollarama that fit just so - seven astride of each shelf.

Saucy might need a couple more shelves cut... what do you think?

kitchen sneak peek


As you can tell from these photos, things are still a tad chaotic in the kitchen but Saucy is working overtime to get things back to normal. Yesterday the cabinets were measured for their marble countertop.

There can't be any faucets until the counter is installed but the drain works so Saucy is filling the sink with pails of hot water. In a strange twist of fate, the dishwasher is now needing repair so Saucy is what you might call doubly screwed.


That blue corner cabinet is the cat's pyjamas. It stores a ton of stuff and the little apothecary drawers are handy, handy, handy. Veto isn't sure about the hardware, handy though the drawers may be. But, check this out: an entire little drawer devoted to measuring spoons! This is exactly the type of thing that makes Saucy swooooon.


The wine cooler fit perfectly into the butler's pantry. After this photo was taken it even looks a little better because carpenter fitted it with feet that match the cabinets so it will be a little more flush with the counter and still circulate air.


These are the cabinet pulls Saucy found at Home Sense... aren't they dreamy? Beautiful hardware makes Saucy happy.


The tall blue corner pantry has seeded glass in its mullion doors. It looks a little older, a little aged that way. The bottom three drawers will hold cutlery, pots, and pans.


Ooops! This oops is getting fixed. The cabinet maker reversed the numbers and the doors over the microwave should be the height that the microwave opening is now. A new cabinet is on its way but this one can still be used until it arrives.


Check out the drawers... they pull completely open, so no more reaching and grappling to locate the right utensil.


The crown moulding still needs to go over this unit in the pantry. The cabinets are extra deep - the cupcake caddies are stored up in the high shelves. Four caddies fit into each cabinet!

Again, swoon.


In the pantry, a heavy duty pull out shelf holds bins of flour, sugar and icing sugar. The containers are from Wal Mart and fit just perfectly.

It was meant to be.


Above the pull outs, the junk drawer. It doesn't feel too junky... yet. Check back later!


The window over the sink needs to be trimmed out when the backsplash goes in... after the counters... it will have a nice shelf deep enough to hold the soap and hand cream.


Do you adore storage? Do you lurrve having a place for all your good junque? Saucy has too much junque!


Saucy isn't going to lie. It's nerdy, but she padded downstairs in the middle of the night last night, poured herself a glass of milk, and opened and closed all of the new cabinets. She was that excited.


She even planned a place for tiny things like Jell-O mixes and Kool Aid packets! No more scrambling through shoe boxes to find the flavour for the buttercream.


Some of the cabinet pulls are backordered but curl ribbon will do the trick until the call comes from Lee Valley. Saucy is so happy about the Kool Aid storage, she's not going to complain about drawer pulls.


The light for over the sink is polished up and ready to hang... soon.

It can't be soon enough. The junque is getting excited!

seeing red at the emmys

Last night the 63rd Annual Emmy Awards were presented and of course Saucy took it upon herself to review the dresses. She sort of had one eye on the telly and the other in the kitchen as she unloaded everything out of storage and into her (somewhat) finished cabinetry. What follows is sort of a dress review and a discussion of kitchen gadgetry.

Before Saucy discusses all of the red dresses crawling around the VIP carpet she would like to address the neutrals: the whites, the blacks, the browns and the navy.


The Good Wife Juliana Margulies won the Emmy statue for Actress in a Dramatic Role. Unfortunately she also takes the prize for Actress Who Stole Lady Gaga's Look. For some reason she chose this confection on what may be the biggest night of her career, and just as Saucy was pondering where she should store her French White cookware, Juliana appeared in this frock. It was fairly obvious where Armani got his inspiration for this look... a casserole dish.

Fail!


Saucy barely recognized Glee's Naya Rivera in this tasteful, demure black strapless gown. It was structured and detailed... it even had little pockets at the hip. Saucy also barely recognized her black cast iron frying pan. She found it in a box tonight, it's been hidden away for too long in the renovation. Someone needs a salt scrub! (Not Naya Rivera, the pan).

Pass!


Jenna Ushkowitz of Glee chose this severe black strapless look with angular white detailing. The whole look is severe and gave Saucy an 80's flashback feeling. It does not look at all comfortable but she is carrying a little red clutch so she gets marks for accessorizing wisely.

Fail!


Kristen Wiig of Saturday Night Live is so funny that it came as a pleasant surprise when she showed up looking almost glamorous in a bronze Zac Posen dress with her hair long and sweeping. Who knew that under those crazy sweaters and Target cashier smocks she wears in her sketch comedy lurks a fashionista?

Pass!


Padma Lakshmi wore a bronze bias-cut gown that flattered her body perfectly. She wore earrings of her own design and kept her hair very unfussy. Actually, the hair could have used some fussing. Please fuss next time.

Pass.



Everyone's favourite train wreck, Paula Abdul is back! She wears a navy gown with a tiered skirt and embellished crystal belt. One of her best looks yet. She must be off the pills.

Pass!

This is Maria Menudos, looking very much like Evan Rachel Wood (scroll down) and destined to be on the pages of a tabloid asking "who wore it better?"

Pass.


Hmmm... Lara Spencer of the Insider. Again, nobody cares about what the media wears. At least Mary Hart and her high-pitched voice and over-enunciation is gone.

Pass... but Saucy doesn't care.


Big Bang's Kaley Cuoco in a retro-inspired tea length dress. It is suitably flirty and sassy and those red shoes and clutch are entirely forgiveable. She looks adorable.

Pass!


Kelly Macdonald has made an interesting choice and frankly, Saucy does not know how she feels about it at all. She is multitasking in an attempt to blog and unpack fifty boxes of kitchen stuff. You be the judge on this one.

Pass or fail?


Gwynyth, you may have sworn off eating and you may have time to do four hours of yoga daily, but you do not have to bare your midriff on the red carpet. Plus, you have combined two trends that have passed for good reason - the cropped top and the high waist. Just because you can, does not mean that you should.

Fail.


Gretchen Mol plays it super-safe. It would have been a winner if she'd picked some amazing, colourful accessories.

Fail.


Actress Evan Rachel Wood in Elie Saab. It is glamorous and her hair and makeup are pitch-perfect for it, even though most ladies chose less structured 'dos.

Pass!


John Krakinski's better half, Emily Blunt, also wearing an Elie Saab. What a gorgeous textured column gown. This is a dress Saucy would wear if she had the job, the event, the connections and the cash. Hands-down.

Pass!


Christine Baranski hit it out of the park! The shape, the cut, the fit. The silver shoes peeping from under the skirt.

It is at this precise moment that Saucy drops a vintage flour jar and breaks it. Flour settles everywhere. It's still a nice dress, no hard feelings.

Pass!


Taraji P. Henson... tsk, tsk. This is just ill fitting and too unstructured for your body type. Plus, the messy side bun is too sleek on top and then the messy part is just slapped to the side of your head like the pot scrubber Saucy is frantically searching these boxes for.

Fail.


Rachael Taylor will premiere in the new Charlie's Angels this week on ABC. Her look tonight to hawk and promote the remake was sleek and sophisticated. She struck the right note with her breezy hairdo and minimal accessories.

Pass!


Maria Bello also has a new show coming to television this year... Saucy finds the promos for the show irritating and cloying. She will not be watching the new cop drama about the fedora-wearing, lollipop-sucking lady Kojak. The dress, however, is nice. The hair could use a little more work but Saucy gets the look she was going for.

Pass. In spite of the hair.


Ummm.... Jennifer Carpenter... this look has been worn by Jennifer Aniston many times before and you, sadly, are no Jennifer Aniston.

Fail.



Jane Krakowski in a liquid silver getup. It's the tan, the cleavage and that flower on her waist.

Fail.


Ellie Kemper of The Office got the dress right but the hair is wrong. The bangs are harsh and it looks like some sort of modern bowl cut going on up there. However, the overall look works but she fails to make a best-dressed list because of not attending to details like hair and handbag.

Dress pass. Bang fail.


Cat Deeley of So You Think You Can Dance accessorized her Monique Lhuillier gown with 1.4 million dollars worth of diamonds, starring in a one-night reality show entitled So You Think You Can Go To the Bathroom Without Security.

Pass!


Marchesa made a big deal and sent out a press release earlier this week that they would only be dressing one star and that would be Lea Michele of Glee. Poor Elisabeth Moss of Mad Men. She too wore Marchesa, to much less fanfare. It seems she is the Peggy of the red carpet as well as the workplace. It is still a very nice dress.

Pass!


This is Aubrey Plaza of Parks and Recreation and she is barely recognizable when out of character and sporting a smile on her face. She really is lovely. The dress has nice bib detailing and the matching cuff bangles are funky and fun. Remember, this isn't the Oscars. Good call.

Pass!


Mad Men's Christina Hendricks wore yet another bustline-accentuating creation. Yes, she is well endowed and as someone with all the curves of a wooden spoon, Saucy can only imagine how difficult it must be to find a nice fit. However, must we always be subjected to this cleavage? Saucy wishes that some of the material used to fashion that train had been employed elsewhere.

Fail!

And after this point, the red carpet became a veritable Skittles bowl of colour. Apparently, there was a conspiracy for the talent to show up in red dresses where possible and wear their hair in simple, unfussy styles.


Lea Michele was one of the first big stars to show up on the red carpet... wearing... a red carpet. Actually, on second inspection, this Marchesa gown is quite flattering and the back had a nice swoopy detail. It just didn't photograph well.

Saucy says it every year: Ladies, red dresses and red floor coverings do not work well together. When will you listen?

Pass, at any rate. Mostly because of the back.


This Adrianne Palicki person... she is the new Wonder Woman? The only thing this frock is missing is the golden eagle across the bust and the star spangled underpants.

Oh, and the Amazon belt and rope might have been cool accessories.

Fail.


Saucy seems to think Angela Kinsey has worn this before. All this red is getting distracting. There is nothing offensive about this look except that Saucy would like to let Hollywood know that even in her hometown, the dress stores keep track of what colour every girl picks to wear to prom to avoid this very situation.

Pass. In spite of the red.


Kathy Griffin will continue to spend her life on the D-list if she continues to show up in the same shade as everyone else. Plus, the look is a little boring and sedate, she is a bold and brash comedienne who doesn't mince words, why does she play it so safe at functions like this?

Fail.


Kate Winslet rode the red trend in Elie Saab. Saucy was just starting to get bored of red dresses... almost as bored as sorting through boxes of Tupperware without lids.

No pass, no fail, no lid.


Kerry Washington in a red beaded Zuhair Murad gown. It was kind of spangly and a little see through in the leg area rendering it a wee bit tacky.

Fail.


Well, Margo Martindale. You likely did not expect to win but you also did not expect to be photographed in full length, either. This look is part Flashdance, part yoga wear.

Fail.


Nina Dobrev of The Vampire Diaries in a strapless Donna Karan that will get very good reviews on talk shows tomorrow but Saucy feels it a little too reminiscent of her holiday napkins as she stacks them one by one into the hutch.

However, the thought does occur to take the Christmas linens and fashion a dress skirt for Loopy to wear in a fashion photo shoot... it can't be that difficult. It could likely be done with napkins and safety pins, by the look of it.

Fail!


Now, that awkward moment when E!'s Juliana Rancic and ET's Nancy O'Dell appear in the same dress...


... more or less. They are both just sort of there, designed to blend and not upstage the talent.

They broke even.


Sofia Vergara also wore a version of the same look... but a little better. Her only problem is the face-paint style makeup and the oversize dangly earrings she has a penchant for. Now, she is only missing a giant rhinestone crown and a Miss Universe sash. Look she's doing the pageant wave now!

Pass.

Sarah Hyland, also of Modern Family bridged the gap between red and coral with this one-shoulder Grecian-style gown. It is modern... and family friendly. Saucy also likes the funky silver shoes and the way she has hiked that bracelet up near her elbow like that. It's kind of a fun teenager thing to do, and that's cool. Let's not grow up too fast.

Pass!


There was no yellow to speak of on the red carpet, but the KTLA personality Jessica Holmes was wearing an atrocious frock of bright yellow polyester that she bedazzled around the neckline with giant rhinestones, the kind found at Dollarama in the craft section. Saucy herself has been known to hot glue those here and there from time to time, so be it. No judgement.

But just do your best to envision it, if you will.

At any rate, the only reason Saucy brings up this nobody to you is because she provided perhaps the best LOL of the night when she asked Scott Caan if he could tell her anything about the upcoming Entourage finale.

Except that it aired last week. Visibly ruffled by her question, he tried to be gracious and help her move the interview along but she persisted with her line of inquisition and the conversation took an awkward, uncomfortable turn as she tried to convince him that she watches the show all the time and surely she couldn't have missed the finale.

Well Jessica, you did miss it. You also missed reading the index cards that the production manager made for you before the show and perhaps you will miss picking up your paycheque next month.

EPIC FAIL.

Oliva Munn was interviewed this week on Anderson Cooper's new show about her role in the new Sarah Jessica Parker flick I Don't Know How She Does It.

Regarding this dress... Saucy Doesn't Know Why She Did It.

Fail.



Randee Heller looked amazing! Are you a Mad Men fan... and if so, can you place her? You will be shocked. Go Google her now.

Pass!


The Charlie's Angel formerly known as Mrs. Derek Jeter, Minka Kelly... wearing Dior. It is quite lovely except for that distracting belt bit around her midsection but better than Gwynyth's abdominal troubles this evening so credit there.

Pass! Now throw on a Yankees cap to cover that uncombed hair and go get your husband back!


Julia Stiles appears to have nicked Mila Kunis's Oscar look from last spring, but it still looks nice.

Pass!


Heather Morris of Glee struck the right note with this blue-grey ruffled gown. It was youthful and playful but the super-low neckline kept it from being too fussy or prissy.

Pass!


Fashion critics are lauding Amy Poehler's choice of this tight blue sequined gown by Peter Som. Saucy is not. Here, she poses with her husband Will Arnett, who at times appears to be made of recycled plastic material, like the dress.


And yes, it is a good fit and she appears very trim but Saucy finds it a little space-age. It sort of makes her miss January Jones this year, who usually shows up in some sort of number like this.

Fail!


Kate Flannery of The Office looked smashing in this classic Grecian gown. She is barely recognizable from her character, Meredith. Shows what a little hair and makeup can do for a gal.

Pass!


Claire Danes cannot make a living hawking Latisse only, and so she will be starring on the small screen in the drama Homeland this season. The long-lashed lady rarely makes a fashion misstep and on this night she wore Oscar de la Renta... but with a bit too much eyeliner.

Or, perhaps she did not read the warning label on her Latisse and it has now discoloured her surrounding eye area and this discolouration could be permanent. Please consult with your opthamologist.

Pass!


Don't you just love the name Colbie Smulders? Do you wonder if that is indeed her real name? She stars in How I Met Your Mother. At any rate, she dared to impress in a cerulean draped gown by Alberta Ferretti.

Pass, real name or not!


Fashion darling and Glee star Dianna Agron wore this cobalt blue column dress by Roksanda Illlincic. Again, this does not look exceptional in photos but when being interviewed on the pre-show, it was just lovely.

Pass!

Later, Saucy loaded all of her cobalt blue glassware into a cabinet tonight and briefly pondered sending it to goodwill. When was that in style again? Is anyone still using that stuff?


Well Katie Holmes, Saucy does not like your husband but she was prepared to like you as Jackie Kennedy in the miniseries The Kennedys. Although your general appearance was believable, your performance was sorely lacking and at times left Saucy cringing with embarrassment for you. It was as though you were reading your lines off a prompter at times. Perhaps you should stick to presenting awards at shows like this.

Except that you didn't do that very well, either. Your Calvin Klein dress was... fine. It looked youthful and if you are all about comfort, then this was a good choice. It was unstructured and you are going to take a hit on the lists for this, but Saucy was hard enough on your acting already, so...

Pass! Barely.


Jane Lynch arrived prepared to host the event in this plum, strapless gown. She had several dress changes throughout the event, but since this was the red carpet dress, this is the dress that made the blog. The others were better, but you will be remembered for this.

Pass.


Elizabeth McGovern, also in maroon. It has nice details and the sheer skirt overlay is very pretty but the hair and makeup are harsh and severe... she did not get the memo about going more natural with hair this year.

Dress, pass. Hair and makeup, fail.


Amber Riley of Glee, also in purple. Yes, we have followed the rainbow to the purple dresses. Her ruched bodice and flowing skirt are exceptionally flattering and yes, she got the memo about the hair.

Pass!


TV personality Brooke Burke in full-on grape purple. She is too tan, 'nuff said. This prom dress did nothing for Saucy except remind her that she has three jars of Welch's grape jelly to use up, pronto.

Fail!


Winner Melissa McCarthy, also in purple! She may regret her acceptance rambling but she was genuinely shocked, and that was nice.

Pass!

Saucy was also shocked to find that she did not allocate a specific place in the new kitchen for cupcake papers. How could this have happened?

Fail!


This is Martha Plimpton and although Saucy does not watch Raising Hope, she is familiar with Martha's other work and yet did not recognize her when she arrived on the red carpet. What gives? The dress is just fine, there is nothing to report that you cannot observe with your own capable eyes.

Pass.


Kelly Osborne is a darling to Saucy wearing this plum dress by J. Mendel. She is trim and yet curvy, she looks healthy and confident. Saucy's only complaint about this entire look is the colour of her hair, it appears as grey as the dishwater in the new sink as Saucy washes every single dusty utensil before putting it into the new drawers.

Pass, anyway!


Here is a gratuitous shot of some Real Housewife from Somewhere in a blue prom dress.

Fail!


Rashida Jones of Parks and Recreation begins the pink parade. This is just a little dull and had the belt been in any way at all embellished, it would have been a pass.

Fail!


Julianne Hough may be involved with Ryan Seacrest, and Ryan Seacrest may own all of Hollywood now... but someone needs to tell her that she should know the name of who designed her dress and who lent her the jewels when she arrives at these functions. It is embarrassing to not know the answer.

Regardless... Juliana Rancic, Ryan Seacrest's minion, managed to gush all over Julianne and said she looked like an "absolute angel" tonight. It is an interesting dress to be sure, but the centre part in the hair, the black clutch and the lack of information render it hopeless.

Fail!


Some will love it and others will hate it, but Saucy rather enjoyed this pink frock worn by Glee's Jayma Mays. The sheer overlay of the top is quite nice atop those tiered layers on the skirt and it doesn't seem too much like a tutu. She successfully avoided the Lara Flynn Boyle pitfall.

Plus, she wore the most fabulous fuschia matte lipstick - must get some! And never wear it. But must find some!

Pass!


Saucy always intends to start watching Boardwalk Empire, but when she sees Paz de la Heurta at gigs like tonight in getups like this, she is turned off... not going to lie. It's the crazy haircut (yes, it is cut like that), the earrings and the whole thing. What might have saved this, other than some prohibition hooch?

Oh, and her lipstick was grey.

Fail!


Lastly, this would not be Saucy's annual Emmy rundown without addressing the giant cabbage in the room.


Heidi wore a custom gown fashioned for her by Christian Soriano, season four winner of Project Runway. Obviously he has an axe to grind with her and he decided to get all fierce, in a bad way.

Reader, the new kitchen is in the home stretch. Most of the cabinets are in, they are even stocked. The appliances are installed and operational. Tomorrow the measurements will be taken for the countertops and then a four week wait will ensue before Saucy has faucets and full operation.

Do you want to see a progress report?