seeing red at the emmys

Last night the 63rd Annual Emmy Awards were presented and of course Saucy took it upon herself to review the dresses. She sort of had one eye on the telly and the other in the kitchen as she unloaded everything out of storage and into her (somewhat) finished cabinetry. What follows is sort of a dress review and a discussion of kitchen gadgetry.

Before Saucy discusses all of the red dresses crawling around the VIP carpet she would like to address the neutrals: the whites, the blacks, the browns and the navy.


The Good Wife Juliana Margulies won the Emmy statue for Actress in a Dramatic Role. Unfortunately she also takes the prize for Actress Who Stole Lady Gaga's Look. For some reason she chose this confection on what may be the biggest night of her career, and just as Saucy was pondering where she should store her French White cookware, Juliana appeared in this frock. It was fairly obvious where Armani got his inspiration for this look... a casserole dish.

Fail!


Saucy barely recognized Glee's Naya Rivera in this tasteful, demure black strapless gown. It was structured and detailed... it even had little pockets at the hip. Saucy also barely recognized her black cast iron frying pan. She found it in a box tonight, it's been hidden away for too long in the renovation. Someone needs a salt scrub! (Not Naya Rivera, the pan).

Pass!


Jenna Ushkowitz of Glee chose this severe black strapless look with angular white detailing. The whole look is severe and gave Saucy an 80's flashback feeling. It does not look at all comfortable but she is carrying a little red clutch so she gets marks for accessorizing wisely.

Fail!


Kristen Wiig of Saturday Night Live is so funny that it came as a pleasant surprise when she showed up looking almost glamorous in a bronze Zac Posen dress with her hair long and sweeping. Who knew that under those crazy sweaters and Target cashier smocks she wears in her sketch comedy lurks a fashionista?

Pass!


Padma Lakshmi wore a bronze bias-cut gown that flattered her body perfectly. She wore earrings of her own design and kept her hair very unfussy. Actually, the hair could have used some fussing. Please fuss next time.

Pass.



Everyone's favourite train wreck, Paula Abdul is back! She wears a navy gown with a tiered skirt and embellished crystal belt. One of her best looks yet. She must be off the pills.

Pass!

This is Maria Menudos, looking very much like Evan Rachel Wood (scroll down) and destined to be on the pages of a tabloid asking "who wore it better?"

Pass.


Hmmm... Lara Spencer of the Insider. Again, nobody cares about what the media wears. At least Mary Hart and her high-pitched voice and over-enunciation is gone.

Pass... but Saucy doesn't care.


Big Bang's Kaley Cuoco in a retro-inspired tea length dress. It is suitably flirty and sassy and those red shoes and clutch are entirely forgiveable. She looks adorable.

Pass!


Kelly Macdonald has made an interesting choice and frankly, Saucy does not know how she feels about it at all. She is multitasking in an attempt to blog and unpack fifty boxes of kitchen stuff. You be the judge on this one.

Pass or fail?


Gwynyth, you may have sworn off eating and you may have time to do four hours of yoga daily, but you do not have to bare your midriff on the red carpet. Plus, you have combined two trends that have passed for good reason - the cropped top and the high waist. Just because you can, does not mean that you should.

Fail.


Gretchen Mol plays it super-safe. It would have been a winner if she'd picked some amazing, colourful accessories.

Fail.


Actress Evan Rachel Wood in Elie Saab. It is glamorous and her hair and makeup are pitch-perfect for it, even though most ladies chose less structured 'dos.

Pass!


John Krakinski's better half, Emily Blunt, also wearing an Elie Saab. What a gorgeous textured column gown. This is a dress Saucy would wear if she had the job, the event, the connections and the cash. Hands-down.

Pass!


Christine Baranski hit it out of the park! The shape, the cut, the fit. The silver shoes peeping from under the skirt.

It is at this precise moment that Saucy drops a vintage flour jar and breaks it. Flour settles everywhere. It's still a nice dress, no hard feelings.

Pass!


Taraji P. Henson... tsk, tsk. This is just ill fitting and too unstructured for your body type. Plus, the messy side bun is too sleek on top and then the messy part is just slapped to the side of your head like the pot scrubber Saucy is frantically searching these boxes for.

Fail.


Rachael Taylor will premiere in the new Charlie's Angels this week on ABC. Her look tonight to hawk and promote the remake was sleek and sophisticated. She struck the right note with her breezy hairdo and minimal accessories.

Pass!


Maria Bello also has a new show coming to television this year... Saucy finds the promos for the show irritating and cloying. She will not be watching the new cop drama about the fedora-wearing, lollipop-sucking lady Kojak. The dress, however, is nice. The hair could use a little more work but Saucy gets the look she was going for.

Pass. In spite of the hair.


Ummm.... Jennifer Carpenter... this look has been worn by Jennifer Aniston many times before and you, sadly, are no Jennifer Aniston.

Fail.



Jane Krakowski in a liquid silver getup. It's the tan, the cleavage and that flower on her waist.

Fail.


Ellie Kemper of The Office got the dress right but the hair is wrong. The bangs are harsh and it looks like some sort of modern bowl cut going on up there. However, the overall look works but she fails to make a best-dressed list because of not attending to details like hair and handbag.

Dress pass. Bang fail.


Cat Deeley of So You Think You Can Dance accessorized her Monique Lhuillier gown with 1.4 million dollars worth of diamonds, starring in a one-night reality show entitled So You Think You Can Go To the Bathroom Without Security.

Pass!


Marchesa made a big deal and sent out a press release earlier this week that they would only be dressing one star and that would be Lea Michele of Glee. Poor Elisabeth Moss of Mad Men. She too wore Marchesa, to much less fanfare. It seems she is the Peggy of the red carpet as well as the workplace. It is still a very nice dress.

Pass!


This is Aubrey Plaza of Parks and Recreation and she is barely recognizable when out of character and sporting a smile on her face. She really is lovely. The dress has nice bib detailing and the matching cuff bangles are funky and fun. Remember, this isn't the Oscars. Good call.

Pass!


Mad Men's Christina Hendricks wore yet another bustline-accentuating creation. Yes, she is well endowed and as someone with all the curves of a wooden spoon, Saucy can only imagine how difficult it must be to find a nice fit. However, must we always be subjected to this cleavage? Saucy wishes that some of the material used to fashion that train had been employed elsewhere.

Fail!

And after this point, the red carpet became a veritable Skittles bowl of colour. Apparently, there was a conspiracy for the talent to show up in red dresses where possible and wear their hair in simple, unfussy styles.


Lea Michele was one of the first big stars to show up on the red carpet... wearing... a red carpet. Actually, on second inspection, this Marchesa gown is quite flattering and the back had a nice swoopy detail. It just didn't photograph well.

Saucy says it every year: Ladies, red dresses and red floor coverings do not work well together. When will you listen?

Pass, at any rate. Mostly because of the back.


This Adrianne Palicki person... she is the new Wonder Woman? The only thing this frock is missing is the golden eagle across the bust and the star spangled underpants.

Oh, and the Amazon belt and rope might have been cool accessories.

Fail.


Saucy seems to think Angela Kinsey has worn this before. All this red is getting distracting. There is nothing offensive about this look except that Saucy would like to let Hollywood know that even in her hometown, the dress stores keep track of what colour every girl picks to wear to prom to avoid this very situation.

Pass. In spite of the red.


Kathy Griffin will continue to spend her life on the D-list if she continues to show up in the same shade as everyone else. Plus, the look is a little boring and sedate, she is a bold and brash comedienne who doesn't mince words, why does she play it so safe at functions like this?

Fail.


Kate Winslet rode the red trend in Elie Saab. Saucy was just starting to get bored of red dresses... almost as bored as sorting through boxes of Tupperware without lids.

No pass, no fail, no lid.


Kerry Washington in a red beaded Zuhair Murad gown. It was kind of spangly and a little see through in the leg area rendering it a wee bit tacky.

Fail.


Well, Margo Martindale. You likely did not expect to win but you also did not expect to be photographed in full length, either. This look is part Flashdance, part yoga wear.

Fail.


Nina Dobrev of The Vampire Diaries in a strapless Donna Karan that will get very good reviews on talk shows tomorrow but Saucy feels it a little too reminiscent of her holiday napkins as she stacks them one by one into the hutch.

However, the thought does occur to take the Christmas linens and fashion a dress skirt for Loopy to wear in a fashion photo shoot... it can't be that difficult. It could likely be done with napkins and safety pins, by the look of it.

Fail!


Now, that awkward moment when E!'s Juliana Rancic and ET's Nancy O'Dell appear in the same dress...


... more or less. They are both just sort of there, designed to blend and not upstage the talent.

They broke even.


Sofia Vergara also wore a version of the same look... but a little better. Her only problem is the face-paint style makeup and the oversize dangly earrings she has a penchant for. Now, she is only missing a giant rhinestone crown and a Miss Universe sash. Look she's doing the pageant wave now!

Pass.

Sarah Hyland, also of Modern Family bridged the gap between red and coral with this one-shoulder Grecian-style gown. It is modern... and family friendly. Saucy also likes the funky silver shoes and the way she has hiked that bracelet up near her elbow like that. It's kind of a fun teenager thing to do, and that's cool. Let's not grow up too fast.

Pass!


There was no yellow to speak of on the red carpet, but the KTLA personality Jessica Holmes was wearing an atrocious frock of bright yellow polyester that she bedazzled around the neckline with giant rhinestones, the kind found at Dollarama in the craft section. Saucy herself has been known to hot glue those here and there from time to time, so be it. No judgement.

But just do your best to envision it, if you will.

At any rate, the only reason Saucy brings up this nobody to you is because she provided perhaps the best LOL of the night when she asked Scott Caan if he could tell her anything about the upcoming Entourage finale.

Except that it aired last week. Visibly ruffled by her question, he tried to be gracious and help her move the interview along but she persisted with her line of inquisition and the conversation took an awkward, uncomfortable turn as she tried to convince him that she watches the show all the time and surely she couldn't have missed the finale.

Well Jessica, you did miss it. You also missed reading the index cards that the production manager made for you before the show and perhaps you will miss picking up your paycheque next month.

EPIC FAIL.

Oliva Munn was interviewed this week on Anderson Cooper's new show about her role in the new Sarah Jessica Parker flick I Don't Know How She Does It.

Regarding this dress... Saucy Doesn't Know Why She Did It.

Fail.



Randee Heller looked amazing! Are you a Mad Men fan... and if so, can you place her? You will be shocked. Go Google her now.

Pass!


The Charlie's Angel formerly known as Mrs. Derek Jeter, Minka Kelly... wearing Dior. It is quite lovely except for that distracting belt bit around her midsection but better than Gwynyth's abdominal troubles this evening so credit there.

Pass! Now throw on a Yankees cap to cover that uncombed hair and go get your husband back!


Julia Stiles appears to have nicked Mila Kunis's Oscar look from last spring, but it still looks nice.

Pass!


Heather Morris of Glee struck the right note with this blue-grey ruffled gown. It was youthful and playful but the super-low neckline kept it from being too fussy or prissy.

Pass!


Fashion critics are lauding Amy Poehler's choice of this tight blue sequined gown by Peter Som. Saucy is not. Here, she poses with her husband Will Arnett, who at times appears to be made of recycled plastic material, like the dress.


And yes, it is a good fit and she appears very trim but Saucy finds it a little space-age. It sort of makes her miss January Jones this year, who usually shows up in some sort of number like this.

Fail!


Kate Flannery of The Office looked smashing in this classic Grecian gown. She is barely recognizable from her character, Meredith. Shows what a little hair and makeup can do for a gal.

Pass!


Claire Danes cannot make a living hawking Latisse only, and so she will be starring on the small screen in the drama Homeland this season. The long-lashed lady rarely makes a fashion misstep and on this night she wore Oscar de la Renta... but with a bit too much eyeliner.

Or, perhaps she did not read the warning label on her Latisse and it has now discoloured her surrounding eye area and this discolouration could be permanent. Please consult with your opthamologist.

Pass!


Don't you just love the name Colbie Smulders? Do you wonder if that is indeed her real name? She stars in How I Met Your Mother. At any rate, she dared to impress in a cerulean draped gown by Alberta Ferretti.

Pass, real name or not!


Fashion darling and Glee star Dianna Agron wore this cobalt blue column dress by Roksanda Illlincic. Again, this does not look exceptional in photos but when being interviewed on the pre-show, it was just lovely.

Pass!

Later, Saucy loaded all of her cobalt blue glassware into a cabinet tonight and briefly pondered sending it to goodwill. When was that in style again? Is anyone still using that stuff?


Well Katie Holmes, Saucy does not like your husband but she was prepared to like you as Jackie Kennedy in the miniseries The Kennedys. Although your general appearance was believable, your performance was sorely lacking and at times left Saucy cringing with embarrassment for you. It was as though you were reading your lines off a prompter at times. Perhaps you should stick to presenting awards at shows like this.

Except that you didn't do that very well, either. Your Calvin Klein dress was... fine. It looked youthful and if you are all about comfort, then this was a good choice. It was unstructured and you are going to take a hit on the lists for this, but Saucy was hard enough on your acting already, so...

Pass! Barely.


Jane Lynch arrived prepared to host the event in this plum, strapless gown. She had several dress changes throughout the event, but since this was the red carpet dress, this is the dress that made the blog. The others were better, but you will be remembered for this.

Pass.


Elizabeth McGovern, also in maroon. It has nice details and the sheer skirt overlay is very pretty but the hair and makeup are harsh and severe... she did not get the memo about going more natural with hair this year.

Dress, pass. Hair and makeup, fail.


Amber Riley of Glee, also in purple. Yes, we have followed the rainbow to the purple dresses. Her ruched bodice and flowing skirt are exceptionally flattering and yes, she got the memo about the hair.

Pass!


TV personality Brooke Burke in full-on grape purple. She is too tan, 'nuff said. This prom dress did nothing for Saucy except remind her that she has three jars of Welch's grape jelly to use up, pronto.

Fail!


Winner Melissa McCarthy, also in purple! She may regret her acceptance rambling but she was genuinely shocked, and that was nice.

Pass!

Saucy was also shocked to find that she did not allocate a specific place in the new kitchen for cupcake papers. How could this have happened?

Fail!


This is Martha Plimpton and although Saucy does not watch Raising Hope, she is familiar with Martha's other work and yet did not recognize her when she arrived on the red carpet. What gives? The dress is just fine, there is nothing to report that you cannot observe with your own capable eyes.

Pass.


Kelly Osborne is a darling to Saucy wearing this plum dress by J. Mendel. She is trim and yet curvy, she looks healthy and confident. Saucy's only complaint about this entire look is the colour of her hair, it appears as grey as the dishwater in the new sink as Saucy washes every single dusty utensil before putting it into the new drawers.

Pass, anyway!


Here is a gratuitous shot of some Real Housewife from Somewhere in a blue prom dress.

Fail!


Rashida Jones of Parks and Recreation begins the pink parade. This is just a little dull and had the belt been in any way at all embellished, it would have been a pass.

Fail!


Julianne Hough may be involved with Ryan Seacrest, and Ryan Seacrest may own all of Hollywood now... but someone needs to tell her that she should know the name of who designed her dress and who lent her the jewels when she arrives at these functions. It is embarrassing to not know the answer.

Regardless... Juliana Rancic, Ryan Seacrest's minion, managed to gush all over Julianne and said she looked like an "absolute angel" tonight. It is an interesting dress to be sure, but the centre part in the hair, the black clutch and the lack of information render it hopeless.

Fail!


Some will love it and others will hate it, but Saucy rather enjoyed this pink frock worn by Glee's Jayma Mays. The sheer overlay of the top is quite nice atop those tiered layers on the skirt and it doesn't seem too much like a tutu. She successfully avoided the Lara Flynn Boyle pitfall.

Plus, she wore the most fabulous fuschia matte lipstick - must get some! And never wear it. But must find some!

Pass!


Saucy always intends to start watching Boardwalk Empire, but when she sees Paz de la Heurta at gigs like tonight in getups like this, she is turned off... not going to lie. It's the crazy haircut (yes, it is cut like that), the earrings and the whole thing. What might have saved this, other than some prohibition hooch?

Oh, and her lipstick was grey.

Fail!


Lastly, this would not be Saucy's annual Emmy rundown without addressing the giant cabbage in the room.


Heidi wore a custom gown fashioned for her by Christian Soriano, season four winner of Project Runway. Obviously he has an axe to grind with her and he decided to get all fierce, in a bad way.

Reader, the new kitchen is in the home stretch. Most of the cabinets are in, they are even stocked. The appliances are installed and operational. Tomorrow the measurements will be taken for the countertops and then a four week wait will ensue before Saucy has faucets and full operation.

Do you want to see a progress report?

9 comments:

Sandra D said...

Great post. The references to the kitchen gadgets, especially the pot scrubber, made me giggle.

The Stiletto Mom said...

Love your recap posts but I have to ask....how on earth are you going to survive four weeks without a functional kitchen??? Fail! But then it will all be done and far more fab than any red carpet fashion. Pass!

Cassandra said...

Yet another home run! Agree agree, yup yup yup!!

Kate said...

I don't know how you do this every awards show! So much work for a fabulous post. I always enjoy reading! As I wish for more counter space while dragging my KitchenAid closer to me and trip over a child as I close my dishwasher to open my oven, I think of how wonderful and dreamy your new kitchen will be! Can't wait to see!

oliver rain said...

I love it. I worked last night so I missed the Emmy's, but when I came home I checked your blog for the fashion lowdown.

I want a sneak peek of the kitchen progress. I also want a new kitchen too!

MJ said...

Every time I read "fail" in your review, I envisioned you holding a frying pan and beating it with a wooden spoon resulting in a "gong' sound. It was very entertaining! Gong!

JuliaW said...

I love your recaps, which I find to be a must-read after every awards show. And this one was a masterful roux of kitchenware and couture!

Clandestine Road said...

"The cabbage in the room." You're my favorite.

Jen B said...

Thank you once again! I don't even watch the Emmys but I love reading your recap!