Saucy wants to teach you how to be a sandwich artist, like her. You won't even have to wear a visor or a hairnet. Here is a tutorial on how to make your man a sandwich he'll never forget.
Because God wanted man to have sandwiches. Good ones.
Saucy made these special sandwiches for consumption on Masters Sunday for Veto to take to the Man Shack. You do remember the man shackwiches from last year, don't you? Saucy decided to switch it up a bit this year... and kick it up a notch to boot.
This year, she started with home-baked bread:
Don't get too excited. She sort of cheated... it's the kind you get in the bakery department that's ready to pop in your oven and finish baking at home. That'll do the trick. Plus, your house will smell like you've been baking bread, and that's part of the whole gig of sandwich artistry. But not the visor. Never the visor.
Gather up a few things from your fridge or from the market: the ready-to-bake loaves, an assortment of cream cheeses (including plain), an onion (red or yellow), assorted cold cuts and cheeses (more about that later), some good quality bacon, and butter. Of course... you know how Saucy feels about butter. Lurrve. Grab your mayo and salt and pepper grinders too.
Get that bread baking and start to fry up the bacon. Get the cream cheese out of the fridge and let it get a little warm for spreading.
While the bacon is frying, Saucy cuts the onion in the thinnest slices she can. This means peeling off the skin and slicing full slices that fall away from the onion in o's.
The brilliant part of this system is how many sandwiches you can crank out in a short period of time if you've got everything planned out and going on. Saucy pulls the bacon out of the pan and lets it drain on paper towel and then (not draining the bacon grease from the pan because men like bacon grease but they won't say it out loud) she throws the onion slices into the hot bacon pan. With butter. Don't tell your man's cardiologist you did that.
Remember in Julie & Julia when we learned not to crowd the mushrooms in the pan? Here's another trick like that, about onions: don't move them around the pan too much. You can crowd them alright, but don't get too busy pushing them around with a utensil. You need some serious contact with the heat to get the brown carmelization going.
Men love the smell and taste of cooking onions, dig? This is also part of the whole sandwich artistry thing. The crackling, popping smell of browning onions in a pan. Just gently shake the pan over the heat to move the onions. They'll start to get nice and golden soon.
When you decide it's time to turn them, get out two utensils - Saucy uses a fork in each hand - and gently toss them by lifting them to the other side of the pan. Like the guy at the falafel stand. He doesn't handle the onions roughly (if he's a good falafel guy)... he's pretty gentle.
Because when they're ready, they should look like this. Golden brown with dark caramel edges and pretty much intact for putting on the sandwiches. Perfect. Set them aside to cool.
Your "home baked" loaves are out of the oven and cooling by now. Your kitchen smells amazing. Better than a sandwich shop. And you're still not wearing a visor, see?
Get out your assorted cold cuts out and ready. Here, Saucy has: prosciutto, maple roasted ham, roasted turkey breast, roast beef and genoa salami. She also has the bacon ready on the paper towel.
Saucy gets her cheeses from the deli or the specialty cheese shop pre-sliced for sandwiching: mozzarella, swiss, monterey jack or cheddar, and provolone.
Start assembling. Let the combinations come to you... you'll know what's right. It's sandwiching, not rocket science. Start by spreading some cream cheese on the underside of vertically-sliced loaves. The cream cheese is the glue that holds this bad boy together. If you use flavoured cream cheese on one side, use plain on the other.
Here's a good combo starting: prosciutto and genoa salami. Saucy would keep this sandwich Italian and add some sliced provolone cheese.
Don't forget to give your sandwiches a good shake of salt and pepper before finishing. Some combos will scream for mayo. Some for bacon. Go with the flow.
Same for the carmelized onion... add as necessary. Usually at the very last. Here, on roast beef, roast turkey and a bit of prosciutto.
This one was for Sarge: the "Pepper Lover."
Lastly, wrap your assorted sandwiches in the fancy parchment from Dollarama and for today, because it's Masters Sunday, decorate each roll with some Masters green craft paper. If you like, do what Saucy did and make label bands on the computer by hijacking the Masters logo off the internets and write the individual sandwich ingredients on each one. That way, the guys can pick and choose their fillings.
This is some serious sandwich action. Men like a good, meaty sandwich. Sure, you'd like them to have lots of veggies but this is a man sandwich. Saucy calls a sandwich like this a "heart attack on sourdough" so only offer this to your man once a year, if he's nice.
If he's not, offer it twice.