Saucy almost didn't do a Golden Globe fashion rundown this year, what with all the gloomy earthquake coverage and all. It just seemed so... trivial.
Then, she had a hard time finding some of the pictures of the dresses that sashayed across the television screen. Finally, she snagged the last few shots from Perez Hilton's website... putting herself in grave danger of some sort of lawsuit or something. Saucy wants to publicly thank Perez for the following images and remind him, she spent all of her Etsy money already so there's nothing left. Don't even bother.
Do you see how that smart and sassy Perez has slapped his name right inside January Jones' umbrella? It almost, almost, takes your attention away from that headband she's wearing. When Saucy watched her being interviewed on the red carpet, it looked better from the side than it did from the front. But the overall look is so very Audrey Hepburn, so very sixties, that Saucy will give it a pass simply because she lurrves Mad Men so very much.
Friends, Saucy can summarize the evening's fashion in three words: strapless, asymmetrical, and colourful. Think ruffly and diagonal with lots of jewel tones. Oh, and there was ruching everywhere. Even Ripley wore a variation on the theme:
The accessory of the night was an umbrella, thanks to the downpour in Southern California. It was sad to see some of the dresses splashed and wet. Some ladies, like Penelope Cruz, managed to look lovely in spite of the weather...
... and some, in photo after photo, looked as gloomy as can be. Jane Adams, why so sad? Your blue dress is so perfectly ruched.
Ruffles, ruffles, ruffles. Saucy is torn about this look that Chloe Sevigny is sporting. Surely Valentino can do no wrong. Saucy wasn't the only one torn, the dress got snagged when she took the stage to accept her award! Saucy guesses it was a disaster waiting to happen. Chloe will take heat for this choice so Saucy will refrain from adding more.
Saucy couldn't even find a full-length photo of Mariah Carey to show you. Not even one. It seems the internets were swamped with closeup shots of Mariah's very own Golden Globes:
Conversely, Saucy thinks Heather Graham should eat a ham sandwich already.
Better in basic black was Sophia Loren, who managed to redeem herself from last year's ruffly disaster. Proving that women after a certain age should ixnaye on the ufflerays.
The hottest hue of the night? By far it was purple. Saucy needs to run out and grab some purple for her closet, and STAT! Rose Byrne wore it safe and strapless:
... and so did Sandra Bullock.
Also seen in purple: Jane Krakowski in eggplant, Fergie in lavender, and Natalie Morales in a very ruffly hot violet number. Even Leona Lewis got in on the act. Strapless, purple, and asymmetrical. Too much shine and too much tan. Sandra wins the Purple Parade.
Here we are, a year later, and Saucy still wonders what Mickey Rourke smells like. Well, if smells can smell like looks can look, horrible is the answer.
Saucy just wants to point out that Maria Menunos did in fact get the memo and she really paid attention to it: one shoulder, draped, balloon-train skirt, gladiator shoes, chandelier earrings and big hair. She even threw a belt on that hot mess.
Marion Cotillard got the memo, too. At least she had the good sense to pull her hair back in the rain. Is that her spanx showing?
In fairness to Drew Barrymore, this dress looked lurrvley on the high def telly. Those loofah-style thingys on her shoulder and waist were actually spikey with crystals on the tips and when she was on the screen, Saucy could think of nothing else but touching them. Pick, pick, poke.
A couple of gals wore black, but they kept it strapless too. Julie Bowen played it super-safe:
Glenn Close... yowza! Saucy wants to look like you when she is seventy.
The Best of Black Award goes to Olivia Wilde from House. Sparkly and drapey, it was slightly asymmetrical too but look... someone point this out to Mariah Carey... this is how you do cleavage:
The ruffliest dress of the night? Jennifer Morrison. She is going to be lambasted for this one.
Followed by Zoe Saldana from Avatar. Saucy almost didn't recognize her without the blue skin. But the dress is nice. It would overwhelm anyone with a larger frame but it works on her. Saucy digs the whole artsy, deconstructed vibe. She watches Project Runway.
Christina Hendricks from Mad Men also rocked the ruffles. Saucy thinks the colour fell a little flat in that sea of brights.
Even Amy Poehler was on trend for the evening with her bright red, one-shoulder, belted dress.
What did you think of Maggie Gyllenhaal's dress, Dear Reader? Saucy thought and thought until her thinker was sore. In the end, she decided to give it an unenthusiastic thumbs-up. It has some nice details, to be sure.
Saucy reserved her thumbs-down for Julianne Moore. Do you not think this looks like it is slipping right off? Loopy could surely have whipped this up in Home Ec, if she wasn't so busy working on those boxer shorts of hers. Come to think of it, Julianne could be wearing boxers under that sack.
Better in blue: Sofia Vergara in Carolina Herrera. That slash of red is delightful. This dress could have been and Oscar dress.
Because typically, the stars go a little more casual at the Globes. Take for instance, Julia Roberts:
Ginnifer Goodwyn wore a nice cocktail dress but she kept it... you guessed it... asymmetrical, bright and off the shoulder. She makes Saucy want to cut her hair short. But she won't.
Kristen Bell: strapless and ruched like that. Are we sensing a theme, people?
Kate Hudson did it too - but it was more structured. Perhaps she was trying to show A-Rod how nice she would look in a wedding gown.
Anna Kendrick, for a good little actress you need to work on your "pleasant surprise that someone else won" face. You looked positively miffed when M'onique won... but at least your ruffly, one shoulder dress was pleasant enough. Maybe a bit more Oscar-worthy than Globe-worthy, but you are young and you will learn.
Saucy can't really say anything bad about Toni Collette's look, but she's out of good things to say too. It's not great, it's not horrible, it is... there. There are some raves and some boos, so apparently the consensus is meh.
And the same goes for Lauren Graham, who Saucy just lurrves on any given day. Twitter was a-flutter about this gown and Saucy was pretty excited for it, but when it actually appeared on the screen, it felt a little bridesmaid-ish. Oh well, maybe she can shorten it and wear it again.
No group of ladies was as anticipated as the cast of Glee! Jessalyn Gilsig went so strapless, it made Saucy nervous. Don't jump up if you win Best Television Program, Comedy or Musical!
Lea Michele in Oscar de la Renta was still ruffly and strapless, but a little matronly.
The internets hacked poor Jayma Mays look to death. Saucy, for one, didn't mind it that much. In a sea of tiered ruffles it was unique. You can see what she was trying to do here. This one will get knocked off for high school proms everywhere.
The winner in the Glee category: Jane Lynch. Sue Sylvester kept it competitive. It was elegant, age-appropriate, and with those pockets, it even looked comfortable. That shade of olive clinches it. She's a winner.
M'onique wore a stunning dress in a similar shade of green, but alas, Saucy could not find it anywhere. Gabourey Sidibe also went with green, it was the perfect colour for her:
Even in her advanced condition, Amy Adams in emerald green (coincidence with that Leap Year movie out?) looks fresh and off-the-shoulder.
Was this dress on Elisabeth Moss a light green or a light blue? The Mad Men star looked so modern, Saucy almost didn't recognize her. The hairdo didn't match the dress. Did those accessories come from Claire's?
You've waited long enough. You must be dying to know who Saucy thought looked the worst and the best at the Golden Globes. If not, she's going to tell you anyway, starting with the worst: Anna Paquin.
Anna Paquin, the dress is not nearly as tragic as that footwear but when combined they are absolutely flammable. Burn all of it.
Second best: Diane Kruger of Inglorious Basterds. Bright, happy, ruffly and feminine. Everyone will be talking about this dress by Christian Lacroix.
Saucy's favourite strapless, ruffly, ruched, asymmetrical look? Young Victoria's Emily Blunt. Proving once again, you can't fake class.
People, award season is now in full swing. Saucy can only say, the Academy Awards are around the corner. Let's not all work off the same memorandum for that one, shall we? Saucy's peepers need a rest from all these ruffles.