for the inmate... no peeking!

The gift I made for The Inmate was all wrapped and decorated and ready to go with Veto in his luggage to Ontario this weekend... before I ended up in the hospital, causing him to cancel his meetings in Toronto.  He was going to visit family on Saturday, it is the Inmate's birthday and now he will miss it.  I think secretly I was a little bummed not to be joining them for cake, but honestly, I wasn't faking at all.

So if you are The Inmate, avert your eyes: this post is for everyone else to see, and to tease you a bit since we can't be together this weekend.

I found a little fairy in my garden whilst planing pansies, she looked an awful lot like your Moira.  The resemblance was uncanny!

Like you, she had a penchant for buttons as she did not complain one bit when we trapped her in an old lantern that had a base full of old vintage white and cream buttons.

She squealed with delight when I fastened a vintage brooch to the lamp.  Her wings fluttered a bit and glitter fell all over the craft table.  We had to coax her into the jar with chocolate.

Loopy and I envision this little fairy perched on the nightstand of your sunny bedroom but of course you can put her wherever you please.  Just know that every time you look at it, you are loved.  Happy Birthday!

silly sam

There was a little drama around here last night... I ended up in the hospital. Do you remember me mentioning that I was sick a while back? I finished a course of antibiotics last week but still wasn't feeling too perky. On Monday, I slid over to see the family doctor who did a throat swab and some other tests and ruled out strep throat or other bacteria.

By last night, I was that much worse for the wear and my temperature was higher than at any point over the last two weeks but even more scary, I completely lost my voice and my throat began to close up, feeling sharp like razors and leaving me unable to breathe!

Let me just say, the family would have quite enjoyed the "not talking" part of my affliction but Veto insisted that I follow doctor's orders and go to the emergency room in the night if things got worse. He also insisted on canceling his important meetings in Toronto to stay back with me.

Just to summarize because sick posts can get very tedious, I have several things to be happy about:

We have the one of the best health care systems in the world. Of course all systems have glitches, but I was seen with a short wait by an extremely competent doctor. I will tell you the story another time about how I snapped his head off a bit because he was explaining things in too much detail and I just wanted him to get on with it already. Veto will vouch for me, I was, even without a voice, a saucy little brat. Shame on me. But I am still happy with the hospital.

Three of the nurses who attended me during the night and early today, as well as the lab tech who drew my blood (I hardly felt a thing, he was so good at his job) were from the Philippines. They were so caring, helpful and compassionate. I managed (after an IV full of steroids) to visit with them a bit and each one of them had the same story: they moved to Canada to secure jobs in health care and will move their families here when they have enough money. They miss their children and parents very much. Note to self: be more grateful that we all live under the same roof. Scrap with the kids less about stuff on the floor. Be glad they are here.

I am very lucky that an old friend of mine was working in radiology during the night shift and the doctors sped the tests up so I could have my CT scan before she went home at midnight. Being cared for by someone you know in a strange environment is extremely comforting. We need to stop meeting like this...

I am so happy (and lucky) to report that my condition is not serious but the infection might be a little harder to lick than originally thought so I have a few prescriptions here to gobble down with whatever liquids and soft foods I can handle. The specialist I saw this morning put a probe down my nose and ruled out all the sinister things that cause extreme throat pain. I just need to lay low for a week or so... and I promise I will. I don't want to miss our family holiday in June. Veto made me promise to take it easy.

Lastly, I am thankful that at age 80, my Daddy, The Secret Weapon, went to his studio and made me a little poster of one of my favourite characters that he drew for me when I was a little girl. Silly Sam appeared in cartoons, on napkins, on the back of envelopes. He still brightens a cloudy day.

drumroll please...

This special someone is going to see the Jonas Brothers in July... her name is...

Poopsie!  Poopsie's peeps won her a fabulous trip to see her favourite band of singing brothers. We're looking forward to meeting her in Edmonton this summer.  Poopsie is sort of an International Woman of Mystery... Poopsie's mama doesn't keep a blog, but don't you worry.  We will document the adventures of Loopy and Poopsie at the concert of a lifetime for everyone to enjoy right here on this little bloggedy blog.

And if anyone anywhere knows Poopsie personally... shhhh!  Her peeps have decided it's just too much excitement for one little Poopsie to hold in for a whole month.  They're going to bust out the big news just before they blow town.  They think that will pipe down Poopsie's enthusiastic "when do we leave?" kind of questions.  We think Poopsie's peeps are pretty perceptive and prudent.   Plans are in production.

And in a funny little side note, we are late with this announcement because we had a few little false starts before our computer magically generated Poopsie's lucky digits.  One winner was unable to join us because a passport couldn't be had in time and another just simply decided the concert might not be her cup of tea, after all.  Next up, Poopsie!  Here's hoping that when her peeps spill the good news when school lets out, she has her paperwork in her purse and she's pumped to party!

Thank you to everyone who entered!  If you aren't Poopsie or her peeps, don't fret.  Saucy got some pretty exciting email from one of her favourite makeup haunts and yet another pretty popular giveaway is coming very soon.  But shhhh!  It's also a secret.  You know Saucy, she just can't resist giving her peeps the heads-up.

cupcake saturday!

That's it... get busy!  If registration for our charm bracelet parties are any indicator, this workshop will fill up quickly!  Don't worry, we will start a wait list.  We realize that June is a busy time for everyone with activities and the end of the school year, but with Father's Day coming up we thought... what a perfect weekend to make some cool cupcakes!

Also, entries are now closed for the Jonas Brothers Concert Ticket Giveaway.  Thanks to everyone who entered!  The winner will be contacted by email after the grueling selection process is complete.  We have a random date generator to select the post and after that we will draw to select the comment/winner if there are multiple comments on that post.  If there is only one comment on the selected post that has met the entry requirements then they will be the winner.  We will contact the winner by email later today to confirm and begin travel arrangements.  The winner will be announced here tomorrow!  Good luck!

night at the museum 2: with the jonas brothers

Loopy just had to see Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian tonight, opening night. The you-know-who brothers made a little appearance in it.  In order to prep for the event, we downloaded the original Night at the Museum starring Ben Stiller on Apple TV last night and watched it... good thing we did.  A few of the jokes and a bit of the story might have been lost on us if we'd not seen it.  But don't fret if you haven't seen the first one either, it's not rocket science, you'll catch up.

The movie was cute and light.  Little things irritated me, like the fact that paintings American Gothic (by Grant Wood) and  Nighthawks (by Edward Hopper) aren't housed at the Smithsonian, they are at The Art Institute of Chicago.  You aren't supposed to think about things like that when you watch movies, right?  It's suspended reality, and I need to get over it.

So if you are a Jonas Brothers fan and paying full movie admission to catch a glimpse of them animated as naked marble babies doesn't bother you, go.  They appeared for longer than we expected them to. Otherwise, you can catch this one on cable before Christmas.  Three out of five cupcakes, one for each Jonai.  Check out the "making of" video below.  They look cute, even as marble angel babies!  Kevin's cherub even has sideburns.

On Monday we will be announcing the winner of our trip for two to see the Jonas Brothers in Edmonton, Canada!  Good luck to everyone who entered!  We have lots of comments to sort through.

'cause if saucy ain't happy then everybody ain't happy

Dear Cascade,

As Saucy mentioned to you in the letter she wrote you via your customer service website, she is extremely disappointed with the new formulation of your product: Cascade with Dawn Grease-Fighting Action.  She would like to point out the horrid marks streaming below the detergent dispenser of her dishwasher.  This is where your product has eaten away the stainless steel finish with its corrosive properties.

You will notice the discolouration of the inside of her new stainless steel dishwasher.  This occurred within two uses of your product.  Previously, Saucy had only used regular formula Cascade and never had this staining been present.  In fact, you might say that in the five years that Saucy used regular Cascade in the three stainless steel dishwashers she has used, she has been very pleased.  Until now.

Saucy explained to you that this discolouration seems to be irreversible, even with the use of vinegar, Windex, specialty stainless-steel cleaners and plain water.  

Further, as she explained in her letter, the family drinking glasses are now coated in a nasty film and appear to have some etching forming.  This is, as Saucy would say, unacceptable.  

Please note that Saucy does not have hard water at her house. Her dishes are not overly filthy nor does she pre-rinse them before she places them in the dishwasher because:

a) her dishes are just the right amount of dirty to begin with, and:

b) Martha said that dishwashers and detergents are formulated to work together in a precise cycle of heat and chemistry and by pre-rinsing dirty dishes you are in fact exposing the finish to further chemical action and heat during the cycle... in short, let the dishwasher do the work!

Cascade, Saucy is perturbed beyond belief that you very promptly responded to her letter with the suggestion that she wash her dishwasher with vinegar.  Obviously you were not reading very well.  She finds it odd that you appear to have written her a lengthly personal letter rather than a form letter and you have explained in detail that this sometimes happens and you don't know why, it just happens, so too bad for you, Saucy.  Oh, and the best part was when you said, this sort of damage is usually irreversible but perhaps you might switch to another formula of Cascade to lessen the damage.

And so, Cascade, Saucy feels compelled to share this information as well as these hideous photographs with her blog readers as a public service.  She hopes that her readers, if they care about their appliances and their dishware, will steer clear of Cascade with Dawn Stain-Fighting Action.  Because, sometimes, bad things happen to your appliances and your dishes, at the hands of your product, and you just don't know why.



PS. Saucy bets you really wish you'd handled things differently now.  Her blog readers are all about to leave comments suggesting different brands of detergent to her.   None of the suggestions will be manufactured by Proctor & Gamble.  The bloggedy-bloggers will all confer and discuss your product and your handling of this matter and in short, Cascade, they will reconsider their detergent options the next time they are at the grocery store and no doubt they will reach for some other brand.

because saucy can admit defeat

She can admit that deep down inside she knew America wasn't prepared for Adam Lambert to be the next American Idol.  She knew last week when the smug widower Danny Gokey went home that the votes would be split and his supporters would fall straight away into the Kris Allen camp.  She hoped against hope that the gays would put down the latest issue of Details and get out their cell phones this week.

And really, she is o-kay with it.  She gets it.  He's out there.  He may not be everyone's cup of tea.  But oh, how Saucy lurrves him.  She's always lurrved her gays.  She has a history with them.  She may not have mentioned it before but her BFF sported a clear plastic purple suit and a thong... and nothing else but a fan.tas.tic pair of hoop earrings to accompany her to their ten year high school reunion.   She's a bit of a fag hag that way.

She may not have mentioned that if she'd been born a male, she'd be one big fat homo.  Saucy just lurrves sparkles and makeup and wigs and showtunes.  

Saucy admires a man who can look better in a dress than she does.  She was shocked that Twitter was a-flutter about what Adam wore during the finale episode... did you people never Google him?  Thus, Saucy was unfettered when he appeared in what was apparently a leather and chrome-studded shoulder pad contraption tonight.  

Frankly, Saucy figures that Glambert himself new the gig was up and decided to go for broke. He pulled out all the stops and all the guyliner he could get his hands on.  Veto's super giant hi-definition television (previously only used to televise sporting events) determined that yes, indeedy, Adam had tiny rhinestones glued to the corners of his eyes tonight.  He knew it was over and so did she.  The camera kept panning over to rival contestant Kris Allen's young and sprightly wife in her unfortunate polyester yellow frock.  It was a done deal.  Heterosexuality rules!  Down with Prop 8!

And the best part?  Kris Allen also deserved to win and he seems like a really, really nice and genuine guy.  Genuinely heterosexual!  Whatever.  Saucy doesn't hold a grudge, you know that's not how she rolls.  May the best singer win!  Or may the best singer perform as the new lead singer for Queen.  Saucy would have that.

And lastly, Saucy understands.  These things matter.  When she asked Little Sister to vote for change, she knew the colour of skin mattered to some people.  She understands that as many people voted for American Idol as in the last presidential election... over 100 million.  She understands that some people voted against Adam just because he is one twisted sister, and a few of them actually didn't like his singing.  It's okay.  She knows that Perez Hilton will blame this entire mess on Miss California.  

driven by television

Loopy and I drove home from Calgary... how shall I put this... in very good time today.  We wanted to make it back in time to watch Adam Lambert vamp and screech his way to American Idol victory.  He did not disappoint.

After Idol, we watched the sneak preview episode of the new Fox series, Glee.  Seriously, friends.  It is time to get your geek on.  This show will take you back to high school and soundly shove you in your locker and duct tape the door closed.  It is that much fun.  

How bummed were we to find out that tonight's sneak peek episode has to last us until the fall when the rest of the season airs?  Wasn't it the Fox network that made a name for itself when it started up by offering new original programming during the summer months when the major networks played repeats?  

We were only more bummed when we visited iTunes to download the glee club versions of Journey's Don't Stop Believing and Amy Winehouse's Rehab.  Really, really bummed.  Canadian iTunes subscribers can't download the versions... ugh!  This is like, so unfair.  Totally.

If you want to check out Glee for yourself, click here.

ben's birthday booster bites

The adaptation of my cake mix cupcake recipe as follows:

1 box rainbow chip white cake mix (Betty Crocker or Duncan Hines)
3 eggs
1/2 cup butter, melted
approx 1 to 1.5 cups mixed berries
red food colour

In food processor, blend berries (I used strawberries, blackberries and raspberries) until smooth.  Pour into liquid measure and add enough water so total liquid measures 1 and 1/2 cups.

In stand mixer, blend cake mix, eggs, melted butter and berry/water mixture.  Mix on low speed for one minute and then at medium speed for approximately two minutes.  You may choose at this time to add a few drops of red food colour.

Bake at 350 degrees for 15 - 17 minutes.  Cool completely before frosting with Strawberry Buttercream:

1 cup butter, room temperature
1 cup Crisco (white vegetable shortening, not lard)
pinch of salt
4 cups of icing sugar
1 package of Strawberry Kool-Aid
2-3 tablespoons of heavy cream (whipping cream)

In stand mixer, completely blend butter, shortening and salt.  Add the icing sugar, one cup at a time, scraping bowl thoroughly between additions.  When all of the sugar is blended, add the package of Kool-Aid.  Blend well.  Gradually beat in the heavy cream (on a very high speed) until the mixture is light and fluffy.  

Those tiny little bite-sized cakes were packed with delicious, fruity goodness.  I think I'm onto something with the Kool-Aid in the frosting... yummy.

kind of sort of random number generator

I asked Loopy to pick a number between one and thirty-three.  She picked three.  Do you think it had anything to do with the three You-Know-Who-Brothers?  Loopy and the Bros are announcing the winner of the Starbucks gift card giveaway in the photo above.  It was the third comment and it met the requirement of posting a link on another blog to the giveaway.  See if you can find the answer.  If you need a peek at a photo without the answer, scroll down.

Thanks to Sassy and McDreamy's Twist of Lime Wedding, Loopy still has some gorgeous lime green eyeliner to wear on sunny summer days.  Yes friends, lime green eyeliner.

So if you find yourself the winner of the Starbucks gift card, please drop us a line by email with your mailing address so we can get it off to you early next week!  Enjoy!

This is the last week to enter to win our Jonas Brothers ticket giveaway.  You might want to click here if you are interested.

books made into movies

Behold the contents of the secret parcel left on my doorstep earlier this week... a hard cover copy of the book Twilight by Stephenie Meyer.  I asked Loopy long ago if she would like me to get it for her and she declined politely, as she is mad for a young wizard with broken glasses and felt that reading about teen vampires would somehow be less than loyal to the students at Hogwarts Academy for Witchcraft and Wizardry.  I didn't push her and truth be told, I never really entertained reading it myself.  I filled my nightstand with all of the Marie Antoinette, French Revolution, Henry VII, Katherine of Aragon and even as much Shakespeare as I could stomach since my undergraduate days.  Way to avoid Twilight!  I even started (and quit) Pillars of the Earth three times since Twilight hit the bestseller list.

So now, Edward has arrived on my doorstep.  Literally.  The only question left was, who left it?  I had only two suspects.  It turns out that it was none other than Edward Cullen himself, but the suspects were his accomplices.  For details of their adventure, click here

Edward's accomplices recommend that I watch the movie before reading the book, and then again after.  In this case, I think I agree.

And another bestseller-turned-movie, we went to see Angels and Demons tonight, based on the book by Dan Brown.  If you've not read the book, I don't want to spoil it for you although if you are at all familiar with Dan Brown's writing (The DaVinci Code) it is predictable in its own sort of way, and just like with the DaVinci Code, just when you think the story is over... it continues for at least another half hour.  Gah.

Don't get me wrong, it was still a good show.  Fantastic sets.  An interesting fabrication of a story based on a very loose premise and buoyed up with a fair bit of historical fact and quite a bit of fiction.  If you're into art history, the Renaissance and secret societies, then this is for you.

Frankly, I leave movies like this and my head spins for at least an hour.  I usually end up taking some Advil and having a bath.  When we came home I watched the Sex and the City movie to sort of cleanse my palate like a cinematic sorbet.  Angels and Demons was unusually intense and I had to focus and as teachers say, "activate prior knowledge" to get the most out of the film.  

Don't get me wrong.  It really was a good show.  It was long.  It was intense.  It would be an excellent rental because an intermission would serve it well.  I agree with Buddy, we stopped caring about halfway through.  Three and a half cupcakes out of five.

Oh, and just like National Treasure, Donnie Darko, and all the Harry Potter movies, I have a strong urge to come home and create some sort of creepy art scrapbook filled with cryptic sketches, wax drippings, mystical symbols and seals, and things written in code.  I never do, but I always feel like it for a day or two.

brown paper bag albums

Hey there, local readers.  Loopy and I will be teaching a class on brown paper bag scrapbooks on Saturday, May 30th.  For more information, click here

Loopy makes a mean brown bag scrapbook!  If you would like a great gift idea, check it out!  It is a fundraiser for local soccer.

coffee and a good book

The kind folks at Starbucks have a treat for you. They have offered up a venti gift card for one of my readers. I guess they really dig my salted caramel chocolate cupcake.

Would you like it? Just leave a comment on this post, but you must copy and paste the picture below onto your blog or Facebook profile with a link back to this blog post. That's it.

Now, everyone say, "thank you Starbucks".

Thank you, Starbucks.

Comments on this post will be valid entries until midnight CST on Friday, May 15th.  Winner will be announced on Saturday.

I sent out divaqueen's bubble mailer prize today... and with the Jonas Brothers Concert Experience Giveaway still going until May 25th, I am starting to feel like a game show host. And you know what? It feels good.

A mysterious parcel arrived on the doorstep today... can you guess what was inside?

simon announces the winner

.... of my birthday draw for a puffy envelope full of goodies!

Simon says the winner of the giveaway is divaqueen883, who should email Saucy with her snail mail address and claim her mystery prize!  You see, readers? It pays to be the last one to leave a comment... and answer the question correctly... that's why they call it the "pimp spot".

Simon also says that Saucy is entitled to one American Idol post per season, and she has left it until tonight. She has had quite a bit to say about Idol this year and now that the finale approaches next week, she feels it is her God-and-Simon-given duty to bring non-Idol watchers up to date on where things stand in the competition thus far.

Because, regular reader of this blog just lurrve it when Saucy expresses her opinions, especially when it comes to democratic activities like voting and such. So for all you Gokey-ites out there, this post is not for you. Click the "next blog" button at the top of your screen and save yourself some aggravation. Or, read through and leave me an anonymous hateful comment with the intent to slay me, that would be way more fun for me. (I am talking to you, Elisabeth Hasslebeck).  Let us begin, shall we?

The eighth season of the steamroller American Idol is dwindling to its ever-dramatic finale. As of tonight, three contestants remain and they sang for their very lives. Well, not really for their lives, it is just a metaphor of sorts but it sounds so dramatic when Ryan Seacrest says it, Saucy just had to use it once in this post. For you non-Idol watchers, of which there are about seven, here are the three affable lads shooting for the top prize:

Contestant One: the heavily and odds-on favoured Adam Lambert, trained in musical theatre and living a slightly dramatic, flamboyant, "out-there" lifestyle and while Saucy isn't sure if Adam is completely and openly living as a gay man, his performances at the Standup Cabaret on U-Tube is sort of a tipoff. Nevertheless, Saucy lurrves the gays.

Contestant Two: the genuine, humble, forgettable Kris Somebody-or-Other. Kris Allen. While no questions have been raised about Kris's lifestyle choices, his wardrobe leaves something to be desired but we'll cover that later.

Contestant Three: The once loved but quickly turned-on widower Danny Gokey. When Saucy says "turned-on" she does not mean "turned on" as in, "Danny Gokey turns me on", Saucy means that he was turned-on by many of his fans as the weeks wore on with his cocky demeanor and laissez-faire attitude towards the competition. This smug behaviour earned him the nickname "McSmuggin" on Twitter and so he shall be referred to as such for the remainder of this post. McSmuggin it is.

Saucy remembers Adam's audition. He had her at "Bohemian Rhapsody". Take a look at that picture and tell Saucy you don't see a potential rock star! Even though the judges thought he was a little too "musical theatre" for the show, he got a gold ticket for the Hollywood round anyway. Saucy knew he would be in the finals, even then. She really did, you can ask Veto.

She went to the trouble of googling him that very night and look what she found:  he was very easily googled.

Obviously we are looking at some sort of Freddie Mercury reincarnation, and Saucy is fine with that. Bring. It. On. That is glamtastic.

It was like from the get-go Adam ran away with the show. Week after week, they gave Adam the "pimp spot" and he was the last to perform. Thus, viewers were compelled to tune in and watch the entire show just to see what Adam would come up with next. Adam, do you remember when you slicked your hair back for Motown week and the internet went aflutter?

Do you remember the fabulously wicked ensembles you put together week after week, depending on the theme of the show, each one more unusual than the last?

Adam, you are not just a brilliant vocalist, you are a strategist. You don't mind taking risks, and that's why you could run away with this entire thing.

Do you remember when you sang "Mad World" that time and Simon stood up and led the standing ovation? Saucy does. She stood up in her living room.

Do you remember the white suit during disco week? This is when the word "chameleon" starting to be bandied around in reference to you.

And "fearless"... and "Rock God". At about this point in the competition, Saucy decided that if she ever had a gazillion dollars, she would hire you as her personal singer and you would serenade her during bathtime, because it wouldn't matter if you saw her naked. You would mix her martinis and she would do her Paula impersonation for you after about three of them. Then, you would curl up on the sofa and paint each other's toes black.

Do you remember when Simon deadpanned that you needed to come out of your shell? Saucy still laughs about that one.

Dear Kris Allen, I would like to say I remember your audition also but sadly, no.

But somehow you slid through Hollywood week and there you were, in the top 36. Saucy can't remember how, but you landed in the top ten shortly thereafter, and she has been waffling between somewhat intrigued and not intrigued for the past seven weeks.

Remember when you wore those jeans with a tee shirt and jacket? Saucy cannot remember what you sang, but you went through to the next round.

Remember when you wore your old jeans and one of your dad's shirts? Saucy doesn't remember what you sang, but you went through to the next round.

Remember when you wore your jeans with a plain white tee and again, and Saucy forgetting what you sang, but you showed up at the next round:

... in the same jeans but you pulled out all the stops and put a jacket over your tee shirt. Saucy is scratching her head to remember what you sang but golly, it doesn't matter since you sailed through to the next round:

... where the plaid shirt really shook things up, so way to go, but Saucy is still at a loss to name one of the songs that you sang.

Dear McSmuggin, Saucy really, really liked you at your audition. Even during Hollywood week you were awfully endearing with your best friend competing against you and while it was obvious that you were going to kick his ass, you kept your smugness in check and made it through to the top ten.

McSmuggin, do you remember when you borrowed that shirt from Kris?  Or maybe from his dad.

Everyone remembers when you sang "Endless Love" as an ode to your deceased wife.  Do you remember making Paula cry?  That doesn't mean too much, Paula cries at some point in every episode, but a masterful play of the heartbroken widower card, McSmuggin.

Regardless, there is a strong backlash against you and your back story, so Saucy thinks it is time for you to go home and take your horrific screaming voice back the the unfortunate place of worship where you are employed as musical director.  Don't forget to pack your purple satin shirt.

Saucy also has personal messages for the judges:

Dear Kara, Saucy grew to like you, she wavered once or twice towards loathing you when you verbally spat on God/Simon's face, but in the end she accepted your presence on the panel as the "Intern Judge".  You actually know loads about music, unlike Paula, and when Loopy found out that you in fact wrote some of the Jonas Brothers music for Camp Rock, you won her over almost immediately.  Saucy hopes you stay on.  But please, for esthetics and for all that is good and Holy, do not pull your hair back into a tight ponytail and expose your distracting oversized ears.  All the better to hear with, one supposes.

Dear Randy Jackson, DAWG!  Here's where it's at for Saucy... y'know... she's just saying... that for her... eeeeh... your judging this year was a little off and she'll tell you why.   Here's where she's at:  she doesn't know man, she just wasn't feeling it.  It started out great, got a little weak in the middle but by the end you worked it out a little bit.  But Saucy has got to say this, man, you. can. judge.  You judged the judging off that judging panel!  Shoot, Dawg!  Give it up!  Randy Jackson in the house tonight!  You have got it goin' on.  Off the chain!  Oh, and props to your new eyewear line, due in stores next month.  Can you please hook Danny Gokey up with some new frames?

Dear Simon, you are always right.  Some might say you are mean, but Saucy thinks the truth hurts.  She was just telling Loopy that people lie to avoid the truth because it hurts and it takes a brave person to tell the truth, so by that reasoning, you are the bravest man on television.  Saucy also likes that you admit when you are wrong (Jennifer Hudson, Susan Boyle).  

If Simon ever leaves the show, Saucy will follow.

And finally, Dear Paula Abdul:  This is the Paula Abdul Saucy remembers seeing in 1986 at the Forum in Los Angeles.

And while this is not a particularly flattering nor favourable look today, it was rockin' in the eighties and that was supposed to be your heyday.  Straight up!

But personally Saucy thinks you were at your best when Idol began.  You ditched the spangles and sparkles (of which Saucy is normally attracted to like a magpie) and you looked and acted so... normal.

But it was a slippery slope towards incoherence, mixed metaphors, oxymorons and other travesties of the English language.  Nobody can butcher an analogy or use double negatives quite like you.   Most times Saucy was left with a puzzled look on your face after your critiques.  Do you remember when you got mixed up last season and read the wrong critique to the wrong contestant, clearly demonstrating that you have no idea what is going on, let alone what day it is or what year it might possibly be.

Personally, Saucy would like to remember this Paula, but unfortunately, there is a greater chance that these Paulas will have the staying power:

Oh, and Paula, FYI: all viewers are still in therapy trying to erase that travesty of a lip-synching performance you did on last week's show.  Will someone please bring Ashlee Simpson back to television appearances?  At least her dancing jig was entertaining.  And maybe less embarassing, if at all possible.

Saucy only hopes, that for Paula's sake, she heeds the advice Saucy gave during her Oscar dress wrapup and she finds a better home for her dangling assets.

And after all of that, yes, you can safely assume that Saucy's prediction of the American Idol: Season 8 winner will be:

Adam Glambert.