glory days


It could simply be that Saucy found herself delusional, drugged up on NeoCitran today, but during the long afternoon on the sofa, she curled up with her collection of old Seventeen magazines.  She made mental note: don't let Loopy throw out a single one of her issues, either.  They are priceless.  As she approaches her *cough* 42nd birthday, Saucy feels nostalgic for the glory days...


Wasn't the best part of the issue the mini-mag found in the middle?  Saucy turned to it first.  It usually had articles featuring "real teens" and this seemed the pinnacle of success at the time... check out the article above and Saucy will reveal what she did this afternoon: she Googled these people to find out where they are now, and two of them were very easy to find.  They grew up to be smart, educated women.  Saucy grew up to still be reading about them on the sofa.


Growing up in Canada, Seventeen magazine was Saucy's link to what she thought was civilization, in the form of the JC Penny catalogue.  Saucy could only imagining sashaying into such a fancy place, a treasure trove of youthful fashion.  Just look at that corduroy skirt.  Saucy blames Seventeen magazine for her fascination with all sorts of goodies that she can't readily buy at home, and even with the advent of internet shopping one cannot imagine the thrill that Saucy feels when she hits a CVS or a Walgreens south of the border... it just seems so... exotic.


The Judy Blume Diary would surely have appealed to teenage Saucy... Judy Blume was one of her early literary heroes, after Laura Ingalls Wilder, before Jane Austen.   Don't laugh.  You were there, too.


Oh, but the advertisements!  The makeup.  Saucy wheeled herself to Pinder's Drug Store with her babysitting money and splurged on Maybelline Brush/Blush.  The tiny acrylic-haired brush with its rectangular shape ensured perfect, circular, clown-like application on the "apple" of her youthful cheeks.


Did you sport a Swatch watch?  Saucy still has hers.  She whipped it out for Loopy to wear on 80's day and it still ticked.  Swatch must be a good company, because guess what else still works?


The scratch n'sniff insert of the April 1982 issue of Seventeen still smells like granita di frutta.  Saucy scratched today, she sniffed, her headache got a little worse so she reached for the Tylenol.  So you see, the more things change, the more they stay the same.


Because Saucy remembers tastes and smells very well.  She still picks up Bonne Bell Lip-Smackers in Bubblegum and Dr. Pepper flavours when she sees them at the Dollarama.  They don't seem as trendy these days but one swipe of the stick across her lips and Saucy is instantly swept back to 1983, crushing on the nerdy Cooper Burnell who wore Saskatoon Golf and Country Club golf shirts every single day and said alluring things like, "what'cha lookin' at, Cha-Cha?" and "what the hell stinks like bubblegum?".


Can you remember the smell of your favourite shampoo?  You know, the one that ensured the right amount of pouf, the perfect level of crustiness, the snag of your wide-tooth comb?


Or the smell of your first fragrance, the one your mother slipped in your box of Christmas loot?  The Fan spent all year procuring shampoos, deodorants, Lip-Smackers and other essentials for daily living.  It was better than a stocking, it was a little Walgreens in a box.  Saucy waited breathlessly for it all year long.  


Or the tangy, zesty smell of tiny pores and skin so clean it stung?  Did this stuff even work? Saucy was compelled to buy it anyway.  It promised to help her snag Cooper Burnell.  He would take one look at her super-shiny reddened complexion and inhale the toxic fumes lingering with the waxy odor of bubblegum - and it would be love.


Hair was so important in the 80's.  Big hair, lots of it.  Hair with natural sun-kissed highlights, gotten in one afternoon of cheerleading practice in the head cheerleader Barb Girling's backyard.  Team members passed around the bottle, ensuring that not only would they have uniform moves, they had identical brassy streaks and damage.


... but all bad hair days were instantly tamed with the use of a set of hot, steaming rollers!  Saucy makes yet another confession: she got up so early every morning to do her hair, she was awake, shampooed, blown out and wrestling with two sets of hot rollers before Good Morning America even hit the airwaves.  She watched the PTL Club on her tiny black and white bedroom television (heck, it was the only thing on at five a.m.) and this served her well not just because she had a fantastic 'do in high school, but when Jim and Tammy Bakker fell from grace later in the 80's, Saucy had done the research to quickly turnaround a top-notch Tammy Faye impersonation, running mascara and all.  She entertained many a frat party with it.


If her telly had a fuzzy image, she popped  a cassette into her pink GE Sidestep.  These days she carries a pink iPod with her, but her music was portable even back then...


... even if it was Wham!, Duran Duran, Joe Jackson, or:


... and here is the last startling revelation about Saucy and her Seventeen magazines:  she lurrved her some cassette tapes for one penny.  She ordered a new club membership every six months or so.  

But how, you may ask yourself, as you think back and remember that this offer was limited to one per household, once in a lifetime?  Ah, Saucy found herself the loophole.  You will remember that members received their first eleven selections for one cent, with the commitment to purchase four more tapes at the scandalously high regular club prices... but at the time of enrollment, members could purchase the first of their four-tape commitment for $2.99?

The first time Saucy placed her magical order with the Columbia Record and Tape Club, she received her introductory shipment, but with one little catch: the first eleven tapes were shortchanged and they sent only ten.  She was billed for her "first" tape at $2.99.  They still sent eleven tapes but they charged full price for one of them!  Not one to be duped, Saucy photocopied the letter from the club, kept it, and promptly (and repeatedly) never ordered the remaining three full-price tapes.  

The letters came demanding that Saucy fulfill her obligation to the club.  Saucy sat down at her electric typewriter and knocked out the inevitable retort explaining to the Columbia Record and Tape Club that since they had not fulfilled their contractual obligation to send all eleven tapes for a penny, then she was not obliged to fill her contractual obligation to purchase further tapes.  Oh Dear Reader, the days before computers!  Saucy fired these typewritten, teenage-legal-eze letters off like clockwork every six months or so, citing the precedent that they had let her out of her contract for the same reason previously... and every time, she was released from her contract, promptly visited the magazine rack at 7-11, grabbed a highlighter, and picked her new eleven... uh, ten, tapes for a penny.

And now that Saucy had made these scandalous revelations on her blog, Dear Reader, rest assured that she will always have the fondest memory of the glory days, Lip-Smackers, and yes, even Cooper Burnell.  Off to Google him, now!

36 comments:

Deb said...

LOL I can smell the bubblegum, Dr. Pepper, and Love's Baby Soft now... and if you had mentioned Aquanet hairspray & Tiger Beat mags, I'd be amazed at our similarities! (Actually, I still am....)

Hope you are feeling better, Saucy.

Melissa said...

Oh man, I had that haircut from the magazine cover. I took it straight to the hairdresser I remember. All those ads I remember too. What about the one for high school rings made by Josten's I think, it was all back and white of a girls head shot except her sunglasses where colored. I loved that ad as well.

Love's baby soft, I was just talking about that to my oldest daughter the other day because she wanted her first perfume.

Oh goodness, I need to go and find some tape tracks I recorded myself back in those days to listen to in an old box I still keep for memories.

jkddz said...

I opened up an old make-up case to give Dj and it had a bottle of baby-soft in it... okay after 25 years of being in there(that is if I was 6..so maybe less years anyways..)it was RANK! and with it was Tribe perfume does anyone remember that one in the black bottle and bright blue and pink cap! Oh my I thought it was strong then...and being aged did nothing for it....

Hope you feel better soon

zachariask@spsd.sk.ca

MaryCatherine said...

If you find Mr. Cooper, please oh pretty please...show us a picture.

Coco said...

It is fun going down memory lane. Reading this brought back a lot of memories for me.

The Inept Aspirant said...

Wow! Thanks for the waltz down memory lane. You can put ditto for me on everything except the swatch watch and the little pink boom box. I didn't save any magazines from those days so most of those were latent memories. I had no foresight. And how cool to get all those tapes free over and over? I can still remember how disappointed I was to find out I was duped and had to pay more than a penny... it never occurred to me to fight it!

michelleb. said...

Ahhhh the memories. My gurlz and I are currently using and loving the Aussie products. I didn't tell them that I had used it back in the 80's (they're not big into "vintage")until after they were using it and telling me how great they think it makes their hair smell;)

Hope you're feeling better!

The Stiletto Mom said...

I am in love with this post. Also, I think you and I totally would have been BFF's in the 80's because I also wrote scathing letters to Columbia Record House and lurved me some Sun In! How smart are you to keep those magazines, I wish I had done the same thing!

Can I come hang out at your house, eat cupcakes and read all your old mags? Sounds like heaven...

Chandra said...

Ah, the memories...it took years for the Sun-In damage to finally subside (maybe because I'm a brunette??). Loved this post!!

MJ said...

Wow, what differences! I'm not sure if I ever purchased a magazine as a teen ~ not permitted in my parental home!

While you were doing your hair, I was practicing instruments. Go figure.

As for makeup, my most recent post explains that difference too!

KAGS Herself said...

Whilst some of this is a revelation to me....I did have Sun-In - with my dark locks I looked like... George Michael! Even in the Spandau video you can't spot me - but you can see the Sun In glow from my hair!

Jennspiration said...

This is so much fun! I was an 80's child and remember so many of these! I can still smell that Love's Baby Soft, and those Swatch watches...I thought those were so cool!

Amy said...

So many memories! Sun-in always made my hair orange and I had 3 swatches. I have no idea what happened to them. And to be honest-I still have issues with big hair. My one vice from growing up that I can't seem to let go. I had the biggest best hair of all.

Anonymous said...

OMJ you have brought back the glory days oh so perfectly. I can almost feel them. I oh so needed to be entertained by your blog this morning after having spent an hour scrubbing grit off of my new slate tiles - not a good thing to do before you've had a sufficient amount of coffee. I feel better now. Thanks
srayner@saskpower.com

SandraD said...

You have an amazing memory Miss Saucy as well as the writing ability to take us right back to the 80's. Thanks for the memories!

sdickie@nicholsenvironmental.com

Grace said...

hahaha today I am 43 and read this blog and laughed so hard! I only have saved Judy Bloom and Nancy Drew books... I love baby soft and used to get the 8 track tapes also! Ahh great times! Thanks for the laughs Hugs

jkddz said...

Thanks for the heads up at Winners for the cupcake tower! going there on my lunch break! I want to try the mario ones... maybe in the summer and have BAmemories KAGS over I know their boys also love Mario!

Maybe we should have a cupcake how-to party ... like the charm parties... I think you would have a ton of people sign up.. everyone bring their own cupcakes and icing from your site... and do an exchange...everyone do a different flavor- and maybe everyone goes home with 2 of every flavor....
I have access to the Shrine Club (full kitchen, lots of room!)
I can help out but my party planning skills are lacking!

Suzy said...

Great post,can't believe you kept those mags. I was crazy about perms and sun-in, not a good combo. And loved me some Bonnie B!

Thanks for bringing back the memories.
Suzy

Anonymous said...

Oh, a trip down memory lane! LOVE it! I loved that shampoo, and had all sorts of cassettes from Columbia House! I think Micheal Jackson Thriller was in my first order! Thanks Saucy! Dena

Christine said...

Maybelline and Love''s Soft, I can still smell it in my mind! That takes me back to another century!

Trace Geworsky said...

awww, I miss the days of buying Seventeen..Now its either In touch and scrapbooking magazines, or the teeny bopper mags(with HSM, Jonas Brother, Miley cyrus, etc) for my 5 year old son..man, they start early these days;
Trace Geworsky
scrapper_t@mts.net

Kate said...

You are a freakin' genius. LOL That was a FAB read and every single thing brought back a wave of memories. Except I didn't have to get up that early for my hair. It was super short at the back with the nose length bangs ready to be teased to the sky. Half hour, tops. :0P

Jerri-Lea said...

I remember using my babysitting money to buy my subscription! It was a link to the outside world... living in small town. I tried out a fad or two from the mag. I was extremely shy and remember in grade 8 being teased by a very rude, farm town "teacher" (if you could call him that) about my earrings and the clothes that I wore.

I'm totally in for the cupcake tutorial idea! I'll check around about using the kitchen at you know where!!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Ah, you've brought back memories. How I crushed on boys with popped collars and slicked back hair. How I yearned for big hair and Love's Baby Soft.

Cherie said...

Oh this brings me back! Awesome!

bamemories said...

Oh--I can remember thinking that Ralph Macchio (I think I spelled that wrong) was just so sexy in Karate Kid. Now you watch it--and he's a scrawny little geek!

Amanda said...

Sadly, when I bought Love's Baby Soft for my 13 year old, she turned up her nose at it. I have been buying Bonne Bell Dr Pepper Lip Smackers for 28+ years. I put it on every night before I go to sleep. No joke! I also went thru many a bottle of Sun-In. Thanks for the post, Saucy. So many memories.

Julie H. Schaal said...

Love this post!! I wish I had saved mine :)

K :) Family Historian said...

Long time lover of Seventeen magazine!!! I loved all things related to the mag and even had the benefit of two older sisters who shared their copies with me at a very early age.

Terrific post!!! Great memories.

Starshine said...

That is HI-Larious!

I love the comparison between the 50s mom and the 80s daughter...hahahahaha! Who's got the last laugh now? :)

Thanks for sharing!

Honey Bend Vintage said...

I just lovr your blog!
Bristol

Christine said...

OMGSH!!!! Lipsmacker!! I have the hugest collection of it somewhere in a box downstairs. I never went through it quickly or anything but you couldn't help buying new ones whenever they came out so now I have a load of unused ones just lying around. They all still smell good though. And Sun In! I saw that at the store the other day. The bottle has DEFINITELY changed since that advertisement lol.

Christine Bruce
crispy_crunch05@hotmail.com

Maija said...

So many memories! Sun-in is not made for natural redheads- one summer it made my hair a freakish yellowy shade of orange!!

Flash forward 20+ years and you will find some women in the state of New Jersey still sporting Big Hair!

Head Cheerleader said...

Head Cheerleader here. Love this "Saucy". Can remember the cheerleading practice and the sun-in. Not sure it ever worked in my hair! However did we survive at BRIT!?! Wish LipSmackers was as popular now as it was then. I'm trying to get my girls hooked.

Saucy said...

Dear Head Cheerleader...

Where are you at? BRIT is coming up soon. I will be there with my Cheerios in full force, wearing their new uniforms. Come visit us! I am back to wearing the old Green and Gold. Go Bears!

cookbookcherie said...

I'm late to the party with this, but how hilarious! I've only kept the Now You're Cooking recipe pages from Seventeen and they are a trip. How could they cook with such flammable hair? :-)
Thanks for the trip down memory lane,
Saucy Cherie