She can admit that deep down inside she knew America wasn't prepared for Adam Lambert to be the next American Idol. She knew last week when the smug widower Danny Gokey went home that the votes would be split and his supporters would fall straight away into the Kris Allen camp. She hoped against hope that the gays would put down the latest issue of Details and get out their cell phones this week.
And really, she is o-kay with it. She gets it. He's out there. He may not be everyone's cup of tea. But oh, how Saucy lurrves him. She's always lurrved her gays. She has a history with them. She may not have mentioned it before but her BFF sported a clear plastic purple suit and a thong... and nothing else but a fan.tas.tic pair of hoop earrings to accompany her to their ten year high school reunion. She's a bit of a fag hag that way.
She may not have mentioned that if she'd been born a male, she'd be one big fat homo. Saucy just lurrves sparkles and makeup and wigs and showtunes.
Saucy admires a man who can look better in a dress than she does. She was shocked that Twitter was a-flutter about what Adam wore during the finale episode... did you people never Google him? Thus, Saucy was unfettered when he appeared in what was apparently a leather and chrome-studded shoulder pad contraption tonight.
Frankly, Saucy figures that Glambert himself new the gig was up and decided to go for broke. He pulled out all the stops and all the guyliner he could get his hands on. Veto's super giant hi-definition television (previously only used to televise sporting events) determined that yes, indeedy, Adam had tiny rhinestones glued to the corners of his eyes tonight. He knew it was over and so did she. The camera kept panning over to rival contestant Kris Allen's young and sprightly wife in her unfortunate polyester yellow frock. It was a done deal. Heterosexuality rules! Down with Prop 8!
And the best part? Kris Allen also deserved to win and he seems like a really, really nice and genuine guy. Genuinely heterosexual! Whatever. Saucy doesn't hold a grudge, you know that's not how she rolls. May the best singer win! Or may the best singer perform as the new lead singer for Queen. Saucy would have that.
And lastly, Saucy understands. These things matter. When she asked Little Sister to vote for change, she knew the colour of skin mattered to some people. She understands that as many people voted for American Idol as in the last presidential election... over 100 million. She understands that some people voted against Adam just because he is one twisted sister, and a few of them actually didn't like his singing. It's okay. She knows that Perez Hilton will blame this entire mess on Miss California.