because saucy can admit defeat


She can admit that deep down inside she knew America wasn't prepared for Adam Lambert to be the next American Idol.  She knew last week when the smug widower Danny Gokey went home that the votes would be split and his supporters would fall straight away into the Kris Allen camp.  She hoped against hope that the gays would put down the latest issue of Details and get out their cell phones this week.


And really, she is o-kay with it.  She gets it.  He's out there.  He may not be everyone's cup of tea.  But oh, how Saucy lurrves him.  She's always lurrved her gays.  She has a history with them.  She may not have mentioned it before but her BFF sported a clear plastic purple suit and a thong... and nothing else but a fan.tas.tic pair of hoop earrings to accompany her to their ten year high school reunion.   She's a bit of a fag hag that way.

She may not have mentioned that if she'd been born a male, she'd be one big fat homo.  Saucy just lurrves sparkles and makeup and wigs and showtunes.  


Saucy admires a man who can look better in a dress than she does.  She was shocked that Twitter was a-flutter about what Adam wore during the finale episode... did you people never Google him?  Thus, Saucy was unfettered when he appeared in what was apparently a leather and chrome-studded shoulder pad contraption tonight.  

Frankly, Saucy figures that Glambert himself new the gig was up and decided to go for broke. He pulled out all the stops and all the guyliner he could get his hands on.  Veto's super giant hi-definition television (previously only used to televise sporting events) determined that yes, indeedy, Adam had tiny rhinestones glued to the corners of his eyes tonight.  He knew it was over and so did she.  The camera kept panning over to rival contestant Kris Allen's young and sprightly wife in her unfortunate polyester yellow frock.  It was a done deal.  Heterosexuality rules!  Down with Prop 8!


And the best part?  Kris Allen also deserved to win and he seems like a really, really nice and genuine guy.  Genuinely heterosexual!  Whatever.  Saucy doesn't hold a grudge, you know that's not how she rolls.  May the best singer win!  Or may the best singer perform as the new lead singer for Queen.  Saucy would have that.


And lastly, Saucy understands.  These things matter.  When she asked Little Sister to vote for change, she knew the colour of skin mattered to some people.  She understands that as many people voted for American Idol as in the last presidential election... over 100 million.  She understands that some people voted against Adam just because he is one twisted sister, and a few of them actually didn't like his singing.  It's okay.  She knows that Perez Hilton will blame this entire mess on Miss California.  

31 comments:

Christine said...

After all this hype about the show and stuff and coming from a 'non-watcher' I totally thought Adam was going to win. So many people have been talking about him and how great he is that I thought Kris was going down. At least you know that even though Adam won he'll still be able to make a career out of it now that he's been on this show.

Christine Bruce
crispy_crunch05@hotmail.com

KAGS Herself said...

I felt the common gasp of Twitter as the winner was announced - I even switched the TV on to watch!!
There's no way that boy even needed to win Idol - he's way too big for that already. He'll still be touring with Queen long after every other winner (or loser) has bit the dust!
Fag Hags unite!

Saucy said...

Exactly! If he had won, he would be all over mainstream radio tomorrow warbling that wretched Kara Dioguardi joint that she scratched out for the winner. Something about mountains, hurricanes and twists of fate... ugh. He's all about the "Fatbottomed Girls" and "Pressure" and maybe even a little "Killer Queen".

Poor Kris has got to sing that junk now. It's sad for him. He too is better than that. The Keith Urban duet was a highpoint tonight!

Tyler said...

If it's any consolation, Idol winners don't exactly have the best track record of, y'know, actually making music that people buy, other than Kelly Clarkson. Maybe Lambert will be like an Aiken or Daughtrey and actually outshine the winner.

Saucy said...

In all likelihood, yes. But Daughtry in a dress with guyliner.

Angela Harris said...

Sounds like someones holding a grudge missy! I was genuinely surprised Kris won. He was my choice. But I was sure Adam would win. I don't think it has to do with him being Gay at all. He;s great. He's going to be very busy and successful wherever he goes:)

Coco said...

I worried about the votes that would have went to Danny going to Kris too. I am very disappointed that Adam didn't win. He is an excellent performer and has an awesome voice and such a huge range.

My hubby said maybe Queen will hire him as their new lead singer. Funny you had the same thought. That would have been awesome if he could have sang with them by himself and not with Krist last night. You could tell he was pulling back to not overpower him.

I thought what he had on was totally appropriate. Hello...he was singing with Kiss. He looked rather tame compared to that. If it weren't for the fact that those who don't win have just as much opportunity for fame and success I would be burning down something. But I know that Adam will go on to bigger and better.

At least he doesn't have to sing Kara's song. Whew.

Anonymous said...

Lovely Sasha
I kept hoping Aerosmith would come out and sing (can you imagine Steven and Lambert-2 screamin demons? i woulda been in Rootopia.) But Queen- cha!Go Adam!
The divine AL rocks me sideways and frontways and I'm oh so sure we'll hear from him. Maybe he didnt win because so many were too busy taking makeup notes..we can only hope...
I think KAGS is right-he's already bigger than Idol anyway.
Thanks for the great photos and words of wisdom.
Rock on Glamguy. You're #1 in my heart.
I better go now and reapply my mascara.
Rhonda aka
xoxoroo aka
divaqueen883@yahoo.com

Jenn said...

That adam-lambert2.jpg picture totally reminds me of a gay Elvis, right down to the mouth and hair.

Adam is definitely a showman, and I agree with the rest of you - he's bigger than Idol. He's not my cup of tea (fag hags... hahahaha! Love it!) but I still appreciate him for what he is and does. That boy is going places. I don't think anyone really lost last night.

Jenn

Brody said...

I don't get why you think Danny is so smug. I don't get that at all from him. To me, he was MY American Idol, and I think he will go on to have a great career as well. Danny was as humble as Kris, and had a great smoky voice to match.

Jen r. said...

I thought he was going to win too.. fortunately, winning has nothing to do with their career.. look at Jnnifer Hudson (3rd) , Taylor HIcks (1st.. where the h@*& is he now?) and Clay AIken (2nd.. right?) so, I think he'll do even better with out the AI machine behind him. :)

Saucy said...

Good point! There sat in the audience poor Reuben Studdard looking dumbfounded last night. Clay Aiken was somewhere backstage at a Broadway production, counting his money.

Dayle said...

*sniff* *sniff* I think that part of the reason he didn't win was because people were thinking "Oh, of COURSE he's going to win!" and didn't feel that they needed to vote. Adam is hands down the coolest, glamest, most amazingly awsome singer that American Idol has ever seen. I feel like I should tape posters of him on my bedroom walls!!....but I don't know how my husband would feel about that. I am eagerly anticipating his debut album!

Chris said...

I gotta tell ya--huge Kris fan here. My theory on Adam is that he didn't NEED American Idol. He's going places without it. Not that Kris needs it, but I think it'll open up more avenues for him. I think with Kris getting AI, it's a win win situation. Now we just have to sit back and see where they go!

Anonymous said...

It's sad that you really think Americans are that backward.

Suzy said...

We'll see Adam go farther then ever. It was nice to see he didn't win, because now he isn't locked into the Idol contracts, and living by Simon Fuller's rules. (Broadway,Movies, and on and on)

Kris will even grow more from this with Idol backing.

The Stiletto Mom said...

AHAHAHAHA!!!! Blame it on Miss California. That is hysterical.

I'm just glad I was there on twitter with Saucy to share in the devestation...all things are better with Saucy.

bluemuf said...

I was a little disappointed that Adam came in second, but now he will have more of a say over the direction of his career, and he WILL be a star.

Hugs Karen

Amy said...

I missed it again but was shocked to see on the news that Kris won. The one who I have never been able to remember who he is. Good thing is 2nd place generally seems to do better then 1st so Adam should be around lots.

toadman said...

I don't watch AI, but after seeing Adam sing Queen, I have to admit, he really is the first person I've heard in a good long while that can come close to replacing the venerable Freddie Mercury.

Adam should tour with Queen, he should glam it up like Mercury did, he may well be Freddie reincarnated.

He rocks.

barbara burkard said...

...being from milwaukee...danny is awesome...he is a genuinely..great guy...but alas..my choice was adam....and yes...the idol "winners" of late..have proven that the winners don't always...pan out...

i'm SURE we will be seeing much more of ADAM!!!

HUGZ

Katie said...

One year without TV and Katie is totally out of the loop!

I do love me some Idol and feel so sad that I missed out. *sigh*

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I think he'll go on to greater things than Idol, though.

Anonymous said...

Puhleeze...it's a popularity contest not gay vs straight contest. They were both very talented but one was going to win and one was going to the lose.

oliveoyl64 said...

I am a complete Glambert FagHag too.
On radio playback, Kris is much more mainstream and will do okay if only for a short time.
I'm not a Kris hater, but if I am going to pay my hard earned money for a concert, I will NOT pay to see some cute guy strumming a guitar, I WANT TO BE ENTERTAINED so I would have to go with Adam on this one.

Here is my theory for Adam.

1.Queen is looking for a new front man and Adam is it.

2.Adam will become a t.v. host/correspondent...ala Mario Lopez. In fact Adam was on Extra today and could start a hosting gig tomorrow.

3.Someone is going to write/produce a brilliant broadway play just for Adam and it will be the biggest selling of ALL TIME.

Leica said...

Okay, totally have never watched Idol before and Jim & I watched it last night. WOW! we were by far more impressed with the wild boy, he really can rock it out, especially with KISS, however the other guy is good, but I think the wholesomeness definitely was a factor. I thought to myself why on earth did we have to see his wife that many times, so early on in the show we figured he had already won because of the little foreshadowing taking place. Seriously though our FAVOURITE part was when that judge came out rockin that tune with the dumb bikini fake boob girl looking in disbelief and annoyed. I swear I got younger in age with all the laughing I did at her disgust that someone would try to take the starlight from her. excellent moment, her parents would be so proud.
well from one girl to another, I agree Adam definitely was the stronger singer in our opinion. love your blog post!fun!!!

Christine said...

It was funny cause I thought that Adam could sing for Queen. I would love to see that! So far he is the only one I have seen that could maybe step into Freddy Mercury's shoes.

Another thing I was thinking, he could be the next Elvis just a more modern version.

One thing I am happy about, he won't have to sing that travesty of a song! That is merciful.

Is Adam gay? I didn't know.

If Chris came here to perform I would probably not cross the street to see it for free but I would pay the bucks to see Adam.

Tricia said...

I didn't watch this season, but REALLY enjoyed the show. Not too often you can see so much huge ent. all in one night. Idols aside, there were so many big stars performing you almost forgot what show you were watching. And what a huge honour for all those young people to have that opportunity to sing with some great entertainers!! I didn't really care who won, but totally think that coming in second on a show like that is way better that selling out to 'The Man'!!!
fandyksman@sasktel.net

Trace Geworsky said...

I have to confess...Over the last week I switched gears and was now rooting for Kris Allen(but why do all the cute ones have to be married?:))
Adam is a GREAT singer, and will definetly be going places in this world, but in the end, there was something about Kris that captivated me.
p.s. Saucy..YOU ROCK!!!! Thanks for the advice you left on my blog..Im going to attempt it this weekend..tee hee
Trace Geworsky
scrapper_t@mts.net

SandraD said...

Thanks for the great post and the awesome photos. The one that I really want to see is the one from the 10 year reunion - you know the clear plastic purple suit complete with thong!


sdickie@nicholsenvironmental.com

~Jamie said...

Oh saucy, I cried. I just didn't understand why oh why Middle America did that to such a talented boy.

I agree... Kris was an okay talent, but Adam--Adam is so much bigger than anything American Idol ever could have had on the television. Disappointment abound.