a letter to my future son-in-law, joe jonas

Dear Son,

According to Loopy, Veto and I will one day welcome you into our family. In my mind's eye I visualize the two of you strolling as above, only Loopy's head will retain it's normal size and perhaps you will see clear to lose the sailor hat. We already have one adrift sailor in our landlocked hometown and I wouldn't want to see you have to compete with Dan. That aside, I have no doubt that you will be a good match for our most dear and precious Loopy and that you have been raised well and come from a good family and it will all work out just fine.


I would like to mention to you a few things about your future wife that you would be advised to stuff under your captain's hat for future reference. No doubt this information will enable you to transition to married life smoothly.



Loopy is the kindest and most soft-hearted girl, but she is... how shall I put this... finnicky. You may have to learn to subsist on a diet of mac and cheese, plain pizza and Lucky Charms. Of course, if you were to suggest one of your most favourite foods to her, say, broccoli or spinach, she would gladly make an effort to expand her repertoire. You are quite likely the only person on earth that could persuade her to ingest vegetables at this time.

That brings me to the most important part of all: Loopy is no pushover. She has been raised with the Saucy Relationship Philosophy. Let me share the first lesson with you.

There are two kinds of girls:
bags of chips and dessert. The bag of chips is very easy for a boy to get hold of, and it's not really that good for him. It ruins his dinner, is filled with sodium and fat and holds absolutely no food value whatsoever. Your mother doesn't want you to consume bags of chips, hence your purity ring.

Dessert, while somewhat high in calories... some might even say labour-intensive or also known as a treat, is a reward that comes when a good boy like yourself eats a good and balanced meal. You must prepare in advance to be eligible to receive a portion of dessert. And even if you are eligible for dessert, you may not gorge upon it and you will certainly appreciate it after eating all that spinach and broccoli... do you get my point here, son?

So while it is tempting to gorge on salty snacks and ruin your appetite for the hard work of preparing and consuming a balanced meal, the reward in doing so is to be presented with the most delicate and sweet dessert possible.


Bad boys fill up on chips! A good fellow like you eats his veggies and holds out for dessert.

In short, of all the baking I have done in my entire life, Loopy is my finest to date. If you were so lucky as to make her acquaintance, fall in love with her at first site (and that is your destiny I am told), you would be the luckiest young man alive. So treat her with the respect one shows a masterful creme brulee, but know that she is one tough cookie. She will return the affection in kind.

And lastly, would you and your brothers please record a cover of the 1980's Joe Jackson song, "Is She Really Going Out With Him?", I think you should every single time it pops up on my iPod.


Lurrve,
Saucy

37 comments:

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Aw. The dessert metaphor is precious.

Tamara Jansen said...

Very clever :) I should copy and paste this into a note to all future suitors that my daughters bring home....this philosophy works for me!

sassy studio said...

love the metaphor! Chips and dessert......I am still smiling!Loopy is an extra special dessert, I agree!

Christine said...

I loved this post. Chips and desert! LOL

My daughter used to make guys fill out an application form if they wanted to date her. She still has the one her husband filled out.

abigail @ Piece of Cake said...

very very sweet.

pun intended.

:)

The Stiletto Mom said...

This may be one of my most favoritest Saucy posts in the history of ever! So cute and I adore the bag of chips/desert comparisons!

Laura said...

Never heard the chips/dessert comparison before, but I love it!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

That is the sweetest metaphor--I love it. And I am totally teaching it to my sons.

Junipers Jules said...

I know Loopy's friend thinks she has dibs on Nick but my DD has her eyes set too, so she & Loopy might end up SILs. But my little tomboy still keeps such thoughts locked tight inside her head. I also love the dessert metaphor and hope you don't mind if I use it. :)

Loopy said...

I'm not completely finnicky! There's you know, a limit of different foods in our house......

Ohhh. And speaking of dessert, I made apple crisp today. yum!

SandraD said...

Thanks Saucy - a bag of chips will never just be a bag of chips again. You have a wonderful way with words.

Anonymous said...

What a great metaphor! love it! Hope you are having a great time. Dena

Anonymous said...

What a great metaphor! love it! Hope you are having a great time. Dena

So-Sew Me said...

There is so much junk food out there, it is nice to know some moms still make good desserts.

Grace said...

You are so Funny I love U! I love the dessert and bag of chips metaphor....Hugs Honey Grace

Saucy said...

Dear Loopy,

I am assuming that you made the delicious apple crisp in Home Ec? And obviously you tried it although you would likely not try apple crisp if The Fan or I put it in front of you!

Finnicky can be good... hold out for Joe Jonas.

Lurrve,
Mommy

MJ said...

I am just bracing myself for the day that K or N sprouts her first crush. Remind me of the chips/dessert metaphor as K and N age...

The Shabby Princess said...

Love it.

Lisa Wheeler Milton said...

We may have to steal the metaphor.

This post was a treat.

Janeen said...

:) That's cute and filled with widsom that the kids can understand at their maturity level.

I made my husband do a questionnaire. We laugh at it now when we pull it out of storage. ha ha

Oliver Rain said...

They really would make the most adorable couple. You are the best mommy to get your matchmaking done early.

Suzanne said...

OMG, I so love your metaphor and will gladly use it on my kids when they're teenagers (3, 4 and 5 now). Just perfect, and so saucy!!!

Gabriela said...

Hello,

Thanks for visiting me!
This post is hilarious.
And I also think he is the best looking one of the three brothers.

Good taste!


~ Gabriela ~

Wendy @ The Shabby Nest said...

I love your philosophy. I am filing it for future use with my own princess. (and her brothers too!)

Sara's Sweet Surprise said...

A match made in Heaven....Dessert is always worth waiting for. Baked Alaska is a recipe that's made of several interesting concoctions. It has to be baked just right, so the ice cream doesn't turn into a milkshake. I'd say your "SWEET DESSERT" has all the right ingredients to be the perfect confection to be appreciated.

Sweet Wishes,
Sara

Cheeky~Brown said...

Like I have said a million times my dearest Saucy... you need to write a book!! You would knock the "he's juct not that into you" writers out of the water!!
We are all that much smarter after reading this fabulous metaphor!!

Cheeky~Brown said...

Like I have said a million times my dearest Saucy... you need to write a book!! You would knock the "he's juct not that into you" writers out of the water!!
We are all that much smarter after reading this fabulous metaphor!!

oneretrocupcake said...

When I was Loopy's age I was over the moon for Taylor Hanson of Hanson. I couldn't get enough of them of their music. My entire room was wallpapered with them, I went to concerts, bought hundreds of magazines. Joe Jonas will always have a special place in her heart. I still google Taylor and see what he's up to every now then. I adore the chips & dessert metaphor!

merry27 said...

awwwwwwww. so sweet! and my daughter is ALSO going to marry Joe. How funny is that? ;)

NancyBradshaw said...

Eww. As much sense as your daughter must have, she is a tad bit.. erroneous here. Joe Jonas is a jerk. Well, maybe not. But Camilla Belle is certainly a bag of chips. He will need to be purged before Loopy marries him. =D


Infumous_angel-720@hotmail.com

michelleb. said...

I LOVE your "bag of chips vs. dessert" theory. I have decided to adopt this theory for my 3 gurlz and will be explaining it, reminding them of it continually as they enter the world-of-boys. It is very self-explanatory and they should be able to grasp it without a problem.
mblaise29@yahoo.com

franniejonas said...

That is a very clever and smart theory! And I love the pictures!!!!
Your right Joe is a dessert picker not the kind of guy who will just go for the chips because he is in desperation of Hunger! That would be desperate!

lol you guys rock
jonasrox@ymail.com

Caitlin said...

haha i love it! Since im going to marrry Nick i guess were all going to be a big happy family :)

cgarcia0x@hotmail.com

christine said...

I like that Bag of Chips and Dessert metaphor! Joe is sort of a crazy dater hey? He's practically dated everyone...bad mister going for all those potato chips! lol. Who needs Camilla Belle when he can marry into your family!

Christine Bruce
crispy_crunch05@hotmail.com

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Anonymous said...

your article is bogus you are not getting married to joe jonas those photos are photo shopped. not real heads too big and dont tell me that loopy told you you would those sappy tests dont work they tell you what you what to see

Saucy said...

OVB.

It's a joke. LOL.