saucy's oscar dress rundown


Dear Nicole Kidman,

I have a love/hate relationship with your frock but generally you can pull this off, so I salute you. I would look like a plucked chicken in this dress. The colour was bleh, and it sagged a bit but props to you, you had a baby this year! You'
re gorgeous.

Sincerely,
Saucy


Dear Halle Berry,

You were right on trend for the night. It was dark, had shades of blue, it was strapless and sweet detail... how can you go wrong, anyway? Aren't you the one that could supposedly wear a paper bag and get away with it?


Lurrve,
Saucy


Dear Whoopi Goldberg,

Didn't you say on The View on Friday that The Academy asked you to wear something nice? Is this really your definition of "nice"? I suppose you could have gone to my nemesis, Elisabeth Hasslebeck, for advice.


Oh well, you've done worse,
Saucy


Dear Tina Fey,

I wish you were my BFF and not Amy Poehler's. You looked fantastic in this dress and you with Steve Martin? My dream couple. Glad you had your hair done professionally this time.

Goodnight and have a pleasant tomorrow,
Saucy


Dear Reese Witherspoon,

Wow! So many blue and black dresses: Queen Latifah, Kate Winslet, Marion Cottiler, and now you. Awkward! Not your best effort but I think it looked nice.

xoxo,
Saucy

Dear Goldie Hawn,

You are the original California girl. This dress would have been better for a girl, not a grandmother. Props to you for pulling it off, but please, pull it up. Those babies are past their prime.

Hate to be mean,
Saucy

Dear Jennifer Aniston,

You just ooze California casual glamour, if there is such a thing and I didn't just make it up. The hair was really sweet but unsophisticated and I think you did admirably when you presented, considering who was sitting smack i
n the front row. Ugh.

Although, you have worn dresses like this before. Actually, I'm pretty sure you have worn this exact dress before... at your wedding to that cad in the front row.

Your sixth friend,
Saucy



Dear Leslie Mann,

Too shiny. I like the shape. I wonder if it's heavy? You wisely kept the hair low-key and nixed the accessories. Good call.

Saucy

Dear Anne Hathaway,

You were wonderful tonight. Absolutely fantastic, singing and dancing in that opening number with Hugh! You looked so overwhelmed and genuinely touched when Shirley MacLaine introduced you in the Best Actre
ss category. I do believe she is right, you will likely be nominated again.


This column dress by Giorgio Armani is to.die.for. You were stunning, a statue yourself. The giant scale sequins on that skirt didn't really play on regular TV but on Veto's giant HD football screen it really worked.

Much lurrve,
Saucy


Dear Daniel Craig,

Nobody cares what you wear, sir. And where the hell is Mrs. G tonight? You rapscallion.

Saucy


Dear Diane Lane,

You looked so lovely. Really. For this, I forgive you Nights in Rodanthe. That was truly the longest plane ride ever.

Your friend,
Saucy



Dear Queen Latifah,

The dress you wore on the red carpet was so much nicer than the dress you wore onstage to do the farewell tribute. Really, really grand. You should have just kept it on. Why do you famous people feel the need to have two dr
esses for one event?


By the way, you are still one of the people I really, really would like to have lunch with.

Lurrve always,
Saucy


Dear Tilda Swinton,

Am I wrong or did you sort of wear this last year, only this year you found the other sleeve and changed the blouse colour? I like your hair better this year but your eyebrows have gone missing.

But you're friends with George Clooney, so what do I know? I have a seventy pound dog on my lap tonight. I would have lunch with you if you br
ought you-know-who along.

Thanks anyway,
Saucy


Dear Mickey Rourke,

Honestly, I think you do these things just for attention. I know your dog just died last week, but you had over a month to book a tux. You take self-sabotage to a whole new level, dude.

I don't know why, but I have this feeling that in person, you smell like a mixture of Jack Daniels, Aqua Velva and dog urine.

Enough said,

Saucy


Dear Meryl Streep,

Yet again you manage to downplay the event and look sophisticated and not matronly. The whole look is a bit damaged because it hangs too low on your shoulders. Otherwise, Alberta Ferretti did you proud.

Sincere congratulations on nomination fifteen,
Saucy


Dear Amanda Seyfried,

I just don't know... I am positively torn up about this one. On camera when you were presenting, it looked good bow-upwards. But full length, it is a horrible reminder of a wedding party I was in once. Are you too young to know that ginormous bows are almost always a hideous disaster? Do these names mean nothing to you: Geena Davis, Kim Basinger, Brooke Shields, Angelica Huston? Do your h
omework next time!

On the upside, you sported a gorgeous mane of blonde hair and the overwhelming dress doesn't completely ruin your petit frame.

Half Well Done,
Saucy


Dear Robin Roberts,

I seriously just like you, pretty much whatever you wear and it was nice to see a reporter not attempt to upstage the talent (see Mary Hart, below).

Take care,
Saucy


Dear Taraji P. Henson,

How utterly gorgeous, and by adding that sweet ruby
red clutch you avoid looking positively bridal. Roberto Cavalli does it again! Your jewels and your haircut are chic beyond words. One of my favourites, hands down.

Lurrve,
Saucy


Dear Penelope Cruz,

Congratulations for not only winning Best Supporting Actress but quite possibly being one of the best dressed ladies of the night. For a moment I thought Tim Gunn might actually lick you. This vintage Pierre Balmain gown is over sixty years old and stands the test of time! Absolutely stunning, like you. Your acceptance speech was also very gracious.

Mucho gracias,
Saucy


Dear Marion Cotillard,

Your Dior gown is surely a step up from your fish-scale inspired mermaid dress of last year. Although it looks like you've pinched your look from every dress in Sarah Jessica Parker's closet, you look fantastic. I dig. You made amends.

Au revoir,

Saucy

P.S. Someone at Dior should get their knuckles rapped for sending you and SJP in such similar gowns.


Dear Kate Winslet,

This one-shoulder Atelier YSL by Stefano Pilati really suits you. I really like the shade, the detail and the silhouette. Did you lose your handbag?

Everyone knew you were going to win!

Lurrve to you,

Saucy


Dear Angelina Jolie,

You know I am no fan of yours but you still looked quite nice in this Elie Saab column dress accessorized with giant drop emerald earrings by Lorraine S
chwartz! I wish you hadn't pulled your hair all the way back, Vampira-style, but that's your thing. You look better with a soft sweeping bang. The whole look was so safe as to be utterly boring to me. No tattoos, no babies, no creepy brother. Wake me up when Jen walks by.

Sincerely,
Saucy



Dear Melissa George,

I don't watch Grey's Anatomy, so I had to Google you to find out who you were. Nevermind. I just don't know where to start, so I won't say anything at all. So, were you like, somebody's date?

Sincerely,

Saucy


Dear Jessica Biel,

How unfortunate for you. I bet for the first time since you hooked up with Justin, Cameron Diaz isn't jealous. I think she may actually be smirking. Could this possibly be less flattering and all krinkly in the wrong places? Sheesh. Remember: satin + ivory + giant bow = 1980's wedding nightmare.

But seriously, kudos to you for making your own dress with things you had around the house, even I wouldn't attempt that, and I'm a crafty blogger.

Too bad for you,

Saucy


Dear Virgina Madsen,

I don't usually like red dresses on the red carpet because I find it all too "blendy" but this is a fantastic shape and you wear it so terribly well. Me likey. But why all the TV doctors tonight?

Sincerely,
Saucy

Dear Viola Davis,

I remember when Reem Acra made only wedding gowns. I just wanted to say that. It has nothing to do with your dress, I just thou
ght I'd throw that out there and look like a real fashionista. Anyway, your gold sheath was gorgeous, it fit well, it looked comfortable and easy to wear and I bet it was fun to turn around in. You really owned it. I think people will slam the look as a safe one, but oh well.

Sincerely,
Saucy


Dear Vanessa Hudgens,

Wha
t a bold gown choice you made in Marchesa. I think I liked it, especially the unexpected white detail on the bodice. It also fit well and you looked comfortable in it. Well done, young lady.

Kissies,

Saucy


Dear Sarah Jessica Parker,

While this Dior gown is exquisite, this vintage-Hollywood look is getting a little tired on you. Truly, it is you and not Tilda Swin
ton who could experiment a little! This is borderline fairy godmother-ish. You forgot your wand.

You did manage to bring out a fabulous old accessory that we were glad to see: Ferris Beuller! Look at his sweet mug. But the gown really is a sweet confection although it is only really good for Penelope Cruz's niece's Quinceañera and not for someone our age. Please, SJP, can you tuck your, um, endowments into your bodice?

Try again,
Saucy

Dear Nancy O'Dell,

Very Grecian goddess! Your stylist did a great job with your dress but I really miss the way you used to do your hair. Again, nobody really cares about the press.

Lurrve,

Saucy

Dear Melissa Leo,

Didn't Susan Sarandon wear this dre
ss (and hairdo) a few years back? Oh, well. It still looks matronly, ten years later. Plus, Tilda Swinton has demonstrated several times that it is not attractive to match your hair to your dress colour.

Sincerely,
Saucy

P.S. My favourite part of the entire night was when you bitch-slapped Canadian nobody-interviewer Ben Mulroney on the red carpet. Well done.


Dear Evan Rachel Wood,

Because you are young, you will understand what I mean when I say meh about your Elie Saab gown. This one gets lost in a sea of colour this year. Too close to your skintone, but a lovely cut and bodice detail. Oh, how
I wish it were green.

Have a great night regardless,
Saucy

P.S. Does Mickey Rourke smell like Jack Daniels, Aqua Velva and dog urine?



Dear Miley Cyrus,

First of all: your mama didn't raise you up right if you chewed gum on the red carpet. I was (no pun intended): gobsmacked. The jury is still out at our house regarding your sparkly Zuhair Murad gown.
.. I like the overall effect and you've picked worse, so the bar wasn't set that high in the first place. At least it was age-appropriate, but ditch the Hubba Bubba next year if you are indeed nominated for The Hannah Montana Movie.

Oh, and don't think that we didn't notice that you took Marion Cotillard's dress from last year and put it on steriods, called it a day.

Later,
Saucy

Dear Natalie Portman,

You took what could quite possibly have presented as an upscale prom dress and made it Oscar-worthy! You really pulled off what could have been a terrible colour choice. Methinks it was your choice of accessories and your hairstyle. Very chic, by Rodarte. Thank you for introducing us to new designers... you turned the world onto Zac Posen years ago.

The tan lines were a little unfortunate but oh, well. Also unfortunate: your on-stage antics with Ben Stiller. It all fell a little flat but it had the potential to be funny.

Keep up the good work,
Saucy

Dear Alicia Keys,

I hope you didn't stand too close to Natalie! You look like bridesmaids, side by side. But seriously, a great gown choice by Armani Prive. Awesome hair, shoes and bag as well.

And when you and Zac Efron walked out on stage? The lavender lining of your dress went swoosh, swoosh and I just adored that.


Toodles,
Saucy


Dear Jennifer Grey,

Nobody puts Baby in a corner! You looked delicious in that Dolce & Gabbana. The dress, the hair, the nose, all of it. Saucy lurrves.

Sincerely,

Saucy

P.S. I would like the name of your plastic surgeon.


Dear Lisa Rinna,

The purple colour looks nice with your perpetual tan. Your lips don't even look that puffy tonight. Okay, not so much... I think they might also be purple too. But really, it is a nice dress. And it does the job, you look nice without distracting from the talent.

Hugs,
Saucy

P.S. I don't want the number of your plastic surgeon.


Dear Mary Hart,

So that's what happened to the rest of Scarlett O'Hara's curtains! Oh, well. Nobody cares. My dog also has a seizure when he hears your voice.

Sincerely,
Saucy

Dear Heidi Klum,

This may sound rude, but why are you always at the Academy Awards? And yet again you work the red carpet in an outrageous red confection. This time, an "architectural design" by Roland Mouret. Luckily, you had the shoes on hand from last year's red catastrophe.

I know you took some heat in the press this week about being large, and although I think it's ridiculous for someone to say that, it would be ridiculous to say this dress looks good on you. Maybe it would be okay on the runway in a haute couture conceptual show, but man, this is the freakin' Oscars! Remember what The Fan always says... there is a fine line between an outfit and a getup. This, Dear Heidi, is a getup. You're out.

Auf wiedersehen,
Saucy

Dear Freida Pinto,

You did it! You picked a nice dress for an awards show! Finally. On anyone else, this dress would look like a figure skater's costume... but you pull it off, and nicely. Is it just me or is the cut of it slightly an homage to the sari? You just looked young, fresh and amazing tonight. Make sure you write Mr. Galliano a nice thank you note.

Sincerely,

Saucy

Dear Beyonce,

Girl, you've got a killer figure but there you go again... you are, as Veto says, over the top. The fit, the pattern, the colour combo. This is sort of a wallpaper nightmare. You are still gorgeous, and I'm sitting on my sofa wearing Levi's and a Juicy tee, so what do I know? Still, I suppose it will be revealed that your mother designed this getup.

Sincerely,
Saucy



Dear Amy Adams,

Your Carolina Herrera gown was (as always) an excellent colour choice for you. Consistently, you dress within your pefect shades, it's as though you were draped back in the 80's when that was cool and you carry one of those swatch books in your handbag when you shop. I'm not completely sold on the black bodice detailing... but it needed something to draw the eye to the tuck of fabric up there, otherwise it was destined to get lost. I think it just didn't work with t
hat divine Fred Leighton collar necklace.

The dress was graphic, the necklace organic. I didn't really think they went together just because of the black detail. The dress overall, yes. The colour, yes, yes! The necklace, yes! The black piping, nah.


Lurvve and kisses,
Saucy




Dear Marisa Tomei,

Lurrve
your pleated Versace. It fit like a glove and was the perfect colour. You didn't win because the Acadamy honored you for My Cousin Vinnie and they need to live it down. By nominating you again, they affirmed to themselves that you are a worthy actress but they will never give you another Oscar. I mean: you are one for two and Meryl Streep is two for fifteen. You do the math.

But the dress! That was quite a train and it could have been shorter and had the same effect. It had fantastic detail but did not translate to the red carpet or television at all. I think it looked better on the runway. If you had reduced the train by half or more and the dress had been say, black, it would have been a winner. Sorry... you were so very close. You will find yourself on both best-dressed and worst-dressed lists all week, so have a friend screen your media input for you.

Best wishes,
Saucy


P.S. I really do want to know if Mickey Rourke smells bad! Will someone get back to me?

Lastly, to Sophia Loren,
Boooooo. What was your next-of-kin thinking? Clearly, as a Hollywood legend and icon, you do not utilize the modern concept of hired stylist (ie. Rachel Zoe) but it is unfortunate that at the Nursing Home for Aging Screen Sirens, they are allowing the inmates too much freedom and the results are catastrophic. On the bright side, you were probably one of the few women who appeared on stage wearing her own jewels.

Gratzi,
Saucy


To the Academy:

Thanks also for selecting Sean Penn as Best Actor and Slumdog Millionaire as Best Picture. You know how much I lurrve movies. Hugh Jackman was fan-tas-tic and the whole thing clocked in at four hours! I cannot wait for the remake of Fame.

63 comments:

Tammy said...

I love your critique of the outfits. You are too funny. I enjoyed reading each one. I, too, wonder if Mickey Rourke smells rather foul. He used to be handsome in a bad boy way when 9 1/2 weeks came out. His face now -good Lord. I want to look away, but I can't. I'm drawn to his face, trying to figure out what went wrong! Hope you and Loopy are feeling better.

karen said...

Love the commentary

karen said...

http://www.tvguide.com/special/Oscars/galleries.aspx?gallery=2009-Academy-Awards-1003150&page=21 Sophia Loren's dress what was she thinking

Marianne@Songbirdisnesting said...

I didn´t see the oscars. It was the middle of the night here when it all started. So thank you very much for this, I would have watched it for the dresses anyway.
And I agreed with you almost all the time. You would do great as a commentar.

J.G. said...

Outfit vs. get-up is a classic distinction. Thanks for the fab front-line review!

A New England Life said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Speaking of Mickey....I have to ask...Why do stars, who obviously have the money and access to the best, get such butcher jobs done to their faces? Mickey Roark just plain looks like a freak. Gross. Along with that are these lips some actresses get. Gag. They look like they got into a fight and got sucker punched right in the kisser. I am all for enhancing gently but geez.

Coco

Coco said...

Doh..I hit the wrong button again. I am not anonymous.... or am I?

Linda Crispell said...

Dear Saucy,
I would enjoy watching the Oscars with you!!!
I'm not sure Aqua Velva is part of Mickey's scent, I imagine burning hair and NYC during a garbage strike.
Your Pal,
Linda

Linda Crispell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Junie Moon said...

This was a delightful review to read. I didn't watch the event on TV but got exactly what I wanted to know by reading your post.

Laura said...

What a fantastic job you did! I especially loved Anne Hathaway - who knew she could sing like that? Mary Hart - egads, what was she thinking?

The Stiletto Mom said...

Oh my dear lord...I am crying I'm laughing so hard. Tweeting this one out to my followers...it's just not to be missed!

PS: I thought Miley Cyrus looked like a sea creature in that dress.

Wendy @ The Shabby Nest said...

You are seriously so funny! I cracked up reading this post...too bad you don't have a syndicated column somewhere. As for your opinions of Angelina and Brad...I'm right there with ya baby! And hooray for Jen...such class.

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Great review!

I think Miley's dress looks like someone took barnacles off a ship and pasted them to scaffolding!

And I know Angelina's jewels were rock solid emeralds, but to me the looked like dime-store jewelry for little girls that come in the package with the tiara and plastic high heels that break right when you get them home!

Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

"I don't know why, but I have this feeling that in person, you smell like a mixture of Jack Daniels, Aqua Velva and dog urine."

Thanks for my LMAO of the day!! And you just KNOW he does smell like that.

Anonymous said...

Best way yet to see what's on the red carpet. I'll be back for sure!!

Vail in MS

Tamara Jansen said...

Well, this was great! Now I don't have to buy a People Magazine this week to see what everyone was wearing. Thanks :)

And, I agree with you on the Miley Cyrus/gum chewing fiasco....why do the young girls insist on perpetually chewing gum? I got stuck behind a bunch of gum chewing cheerleaders while waiting in line at Disney World. I was nauseous by the time we finally got in. All the girls chew with their mouth open wide. Uggh! What a disgusting habit.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Can I please come to your house for the Oscars next year? I want to sit next to you and dish from start to finish because you and I are muy simpatico, chica!

3rdEyeMuse said...

YOU seriously need to be syndicated! that rundown was the funniest (and quite accurate) one I have seen!

Bravo!

Saucy said...

Oh girls, I didn't even mention that Miley's gum was green...! She didn't even match it to her getup!

I think Mickey's face is all scratched and scarred up because he tried to make a go of it as a boxer for awhile in the 90's... that's why the Academy didn't let him win, he was basically playing himself in "The Wrestler".

Oh, Manic Mommy! I am so behind you about those earrings of Angelina's! They really did look plastique.

SandraD said...

Spot on - as always. Thanks for taking the time to record your thoughts & observations. The comment about Mickey Rourke's odor was the funniest I have read in a long,long time. Too bad we don't have smell-a-vision.

limefreckle said...

Saucy, you did such a great recap for us, I didn't watch a lot of the Oscars, just enough to see Brangelina's reactions when Jen was on stage.....could the camera not find anyone else to pan towards during that entire presentation? Anyway, I will tune into ET tonight, but you might as well become a Canadian correspondent ---- I'm serious, you did a great job recapping the most important part of the evening...the fashion -- Thanks for that!

And I can't BELIEVE that Mickey is the same one from 9 1/2 weeks so many years ago.....it's just such a crying shame.....and I'm sure he smells EXACTLY as you describe him....and more!

Sue

Lisa Wheeler Milton said...

We need you on the red carpet. You would do us proud.

Oliver Rain said...

Okay. This was an awesome commentary on the outfits of the night. Seriously. I think you were in my head. Oh, Mickey Rourke just creeps me right out. I would have LOST my mind if he actually got an Oscar, not kidding. I might have barfed on my newly pedicured toes. Sorry to hear about the ear infections. I hope you are both feeling better. I'm on my last Palm Springs day and I am so relaxed I'm almost comatose. I tried to think stressful thoughts to test myself, and? nada. couldn't even stress myself out. Yeah for me.
xoxo

Sonnie said...

Your comments are HYS.TER.I.CAL!
I hope Barbara Walters stops talking about Mickey Rourke and he just fades away again. He is so very EEWWW.
Also, had to laugh at your comments about Mary Hart's voice! LOL - so very true!

Anonymous said...

I want to know who died and made you a fashion guru?? Is that another of your self-proclaimed talents? Also, if you are so into facts why don't you know that Mickey Rourke has never ever done drugs and rarely drinks (I'm sur much less than you). Of course, we can't all be as beautiful as you. Did you watch the movie the Wrester? It was fantastic!!

Missy said...

Great calls. Even more fun to read than the tabloids are!

Stephanie ~ Angelic Accents said...

Saucy, this was better than the real show!! I only watch for the fashion anyway! I voted for Freida but it didn't show up. Penelope's dress was a close 2nd in my book. And yes, Anne Hathaway did seem truly honored & amazed by it all.

PLEASE do this again next year!!!

Big TX Hugs,
Stephanie
Angelic Accents

Saucy said...

Dear Anonymous,

Nobody died. Well, actually YSL died this year but his position has been filled from within his own empire, and Mr. Blackwell died a couple of years ago but nobody misses him.

Did you miss the Barbara Walters special? Did Mickey not admit to using all sorts of drugs in the past, including heroin? He's clean now. Good for him! His face got all banged up somehow, and he and I have lots in common because I lurrve my dogs too and sometimes I smell like Jack Daniels.

The Wrestler was pretty boring. Veto left early. We go to the theatre every week!

Thanks for leaving a comment anyway, you Anonymous weakling.

Jennifer Juniper said...

You must have seriously loved Diane Lane's dress to forgive Nights in Rodanthe...it was good, but not that good. Hee.

Babsarella said...

Saucy,
LOVE LOVE LOVE your comments. TOO FUNNY (made me LOL at work). I arrived home after the show started, so I didn't get to see a lot of the outfits. That MR looks so nasty. yuck. I don't care what Isaac Mizrahi thinks. He looks like he needs a bath and a haircut, and he should definitely take some suave lessons from Mr. Clooney (sigh).

Suzy said...

Wow Saucy, my sentiments exactly on everyone. I too, watch just for the clothes....You hit everyones pros or cons , on the nose. You should be on the after show, like Joan and Melissa Rivers used to have. Seems like your feeling better!!!LOL

Grace said...

This was Fabulous! I enjoyed it better than E! You missed your calling girlfriend but glad I can tune on to your blog and have you to make me smile! Keep being you and being so real. Hugs Grace

Saucy said...

Oh I just realized... ANONYMOUS... Elisabeth Hasslebeck, is that you?

bluemuf said...

Wow...what a great time I've just had reading your review. It was better than the one I read on yahoo.

Karen

Melissa said...

I love the commentary, and ok Nicole Kidman wears the same color and the same dress every year!!

Always the light color!

But love Natalie Portman dress!

Anonymous said...

From the London Daily Telegraph:

Early Academy Awards arrivals veered between looking like something best-suited to the top of the Christmas tree or were dressed for a casting of the Wicked Witch of the West.

Where was the fun, the fantasy, the gorgeous passion of dressing up - and getting it right?

Kate Winslet, who has curves most women would murder a plastic surgeon for, looked like a severe dominatrix in a black one-strap gown by Yves Saint Laurent, and a scraped back hairdo. Angelina Jolie was no less terrifying in a Cruella de Vil-style gown, by Elie Saab, although the emerald earrings at least lent sparkle.

And where on earth did Beyoncé Knowles find that intimidating, black and gold fishtail creation, polished to perfection by "Mr Sheen"?

When they were not in funereal, don't-touch-me black carapaces, they went to the opposite extreme in fairy-princess gowns better suited to teenagers.

Sarah Jessica Parker, for all her fashion experience, should surely know by know that the most important thing about a strapless, bustier gown, is getting the right bust-size. When it comes to cleavage, too much is always, well, just too much.

Sophia Loren was almost swamped in an orgy of yellow organza ruffles.

Amy Adams picked a crimson tailored bustier gown by Carolina Herrera, piped in black, but thankfully escaped the strictures of too much "strict-chic", by adding an OTT Cleopatra-style jeweled choker by Fred Leighton.

Full marks to Frieda Pinto, charming and dazzling in a one-sleeved, beaded gown by John Galliano; Natalie Portman, for her choice of the lilac tulle "orchid" gown with Swarovski crystals by Rodarte; and Marion Cotillard in the perfect midnight blue and black, Dior couture gown, with a belt.

Fashion "Oscars" too, to Marisa Tomei, in Versace, and Penelope Cruz, in vintage Balmain, who both managed to wear white without making it look like they were in their wedding dresses.

... proving that our Saucy was spot-on!

MJ said...

My fav? Penelope Cruz. I generally agreed with your commentary (altho diplomacy???), especially with Goldie! I didn't watch the awards last night so I appreciated the low-down!

Anonymous said...

I let Daisy stay up & watch all the awards last night. We had fun.
Love what the Telegraph wrote....but before anyone wonders about the reference to Mr Sheen - it's not a relation to the Sheen family - but a house cleaning product for dusting & polishing to a perfect shine!
Anyhow, Saucy, as always - your recount was just on the money and bloody amusing - but that's just my opinion.
Have to say that in my opinion Mickey Rourke looked like a bad bad bad imitation of Bono and that man should not be imitated either....because he always looks like he's off his face too.
Sophia Loren was waaay scary....someone so old really should have a wrinkle somewhere....was that pubic hair showing at her cleavage? Her face looked like a corpse bought back to life and flattened with a smoothing iron.
SJP - when I first saw her come out with Daniel Craig...I thought she was dressed up to look like the Good Fairy in Wizard of Oz - I liked it but wasn't sure she should be wearing it.
Moment of the night Shirley McLaine speaking to Anne Hathaway - you can never be too sure what she's gonna comeout with - so I'm sure her comments were genuine.
Whereas dear Kate Winslet just looked like she was smiling and waving purely for the camera during the speech for her nomination (was that Sophia that did it? Probably & I didn't hear a word because I was so distracted by the corpse look....reminding me of Michelle Pfeiffer in Stardust!)
But, on the whole I actually enjoyed the Oscars last night and thought just as you did that Hugh did a lovely job. Hope he's invited to return nect year.
Can't we get anyone better that Boney M (ulroney) to do the red carpet for us?

Keep it coming Saucy.

sassy studio said...

brilliant dear cousin just brilliant.

Jerri-Lea said...

Tee hee! How fabulous. It seems that your little blog creates a stir every now and again... interesting how "freedom of speech" is criticized and how strongly someone else states their OPINION.

Cha Cha said...

Gurrl, you are fantastic! I agree with it all - and if you get confirmation on Mickey Rourke's scent, would you please let us know?

Hen said...

Thanks for the catwalk show - I didn't see the ceremony, so it was great to take a peek at the frocks.

A mixed bag I think - some beautiful... some were 'interesting' to say the least!

My daughter (age 10 and has allusions about being a fashion designer) thought Mary Hart's dress looked like an elderly lettuce leaf... I'm prone to agree!
Thanks for the show!

nikkicrumpet said...

LOved this post...it was way better than the "E" version or the TV guide version. I agreed with you on almost every dress...and you were much more entertaining...I hope they hire you for the next award season!

Rosa said...

What a post! Even though I missed the red carpet stuff, I now feel completely caught up! How fun. I loved this. Wish you would cover every award ceremonies! Too much fun! Thanks!

Gabriela said...

Hello,

I knew I had to visit this blog after the Oscars!


~ Gabriela ~

gertrude said...

Green Girl in Wisconsin sent me to you and you did not disappoint! Totally spot-on. Loved each one. Thanks for the laugh.

AwtemNymf said...

*slaps hips* Woman- you had me laughing so hard I HAD to put my soda down to keep from spilling it! I hear you on Angelina- she has issues, I never cared much for her. Yeah she looks sexy in some sexpot poses, but I lurve Jen A. far much better. I think Brad kows he lost a good woman, but I understand where he's coming from too when it comes to choosing between a life/marriage with kids and one MORE Friends series. That's another story altogether that I won't go into! You are such a great commenter- you ROCK! I can just see the headlines- "At the Oscars with Saucy!"
Also- I wonder if Lisa R. & Mickey go to the same plastic surgeon. Lisa R. doesn't look like she used to and I'm not talking about her full lips- as she always had those. But she does look different. Dang! Like someone put a wire hanger between the ears and pulled real hard. Yikes! And SJP- *shakes head* You hit the nail on the head on these fashions! I'll be tuning to you next year! Hope you and Loopy feel better soon!
Hugs!

T=ME said...

Thanks for the memories....this was a great read! Terri

Sweetina said...

This was a great review Saucy and right on the money as far as I am concerned.
I was thrilled that Brangelina won nada, as I don't appreciate either of them! And I though Jen was a doll and pulled off an awkward moment wonderfully!
Still don't trust Jon...
Anywho
More of the dresses were a bit off this year than usual, but thankfully there were some very classic choices also.
Thanks for a great post!

KAGS Herself said...

I wonder if we could get Mulroney bumped for you Saucy....at the very least those other two wastes of space who were his support act!
You'd do a much better job...and you could get close enough to do a Lecter job and get a good sniff of Mr Rourke!

onehm said...

I myself did not watch the Oscars, but I am SO GLAD that I read this post! You have fabulous comments about each dress! Love your style Saucy!

Angela said...

Well dear... it took me three days to finally get through this terribly long post (I LOVE them when they are this long!) and I have to say that you have a wonderful eye for the way things should look, ergo your fantabulous photography and many more things... including fashion... spot on, my dear.

Angela

MoonBunny said...

Very entertaining! I normally don't pay any attention to these things, so it was funny for me.

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh - I have to go back and read this again (because I have a 3yr old bugging me to leave the house I had to rush the last couple of your reviews).

I agree with EVERYTHING! I love your comments! Did you notice that Nicole Kidman ALWAYS wears colors that seem to wash her out and look paler than she already is??? It's so annoying to always see her in the same color choices.

Oh, and does Tilda Swinton creep you out as much as she does me?

I thought Marisa Tomei looked fab and I know all about Color Me Beautiful (my mom used to take her swatches with her when she went shopping).

Julia

Saucy said...

Colour Me Beautiful... THAT'S what it was called! I forgot. It was the coolest, funniest, greatest, dorkiest of all fashion movements. Nicole Kidman needs a CMB consultant.

oneretrocupcake said...

I adore Taraji's dress. I want it as my wedding dress. So chic and fresh looking. Her haircut is hot too!

Tilda Swinton always looks so creepy though...I know she's avant garde but I know she'd knock them dead in something feminine.

Joanna said...

I love it! I can't believe what some celebs where and think that they are actually fashionable! The mirror they look into must be completely different then that of my own.

michelleb. said...

Your critique is a riot. You just point out so much I miss in a once-over, which is all the time I give any of the awards shows.

mblaise29@yahoo.com

mblaise3 said...

I think that was hilarious!! half of those critiques i never would have noticed or seen.
mblaise3@yahoo.com

Christine said...

Oh gosh I'm so glad I'm not the only one who gets so fired up about the Oscars best dressed and worst dressed! I only watched it to see what they were wearing! That and I wanted to see Kate Winslet finally get her Oscar. YAY! Halle Berry always looks ridiculously gorgeous. And Tina Fey? Holy cow knockout! I adore her and the fact that she is an intelligent woman in Hollywood and isn't afraid to show it. Miley Cyrus and the gum thing? Ya. Agreed. Especially at the Oscars. I mean at the Kids Choice Awards or something? Not so bad but there? No way.

Christine Bruce
crispy_crunch05@hotmail.com

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