taking on the bullies

Dear readers,

The amendment to this post in form of this precursor is to inform you that, although painted often as perfection in a hat, our dear Loopy has her days. With respect to our classroom bullies and mean girls, even Loopy (random acts of kindness and all) hits the wall every now and again.

Case in point: last Friday. After suffering months of torment by a boy we will call David (because that is his name), Loopy finally snapped. She endured racial and religious slurs, comments about her clothing and her physical appearance... middle years boys. You get it.

But Loopy, being her mother's daughter and having the gift of putting pen to paper, decided to write her response. Oh, boy did she craft one... that David promptly handed in to the teacher, swiftly turning the table on the situation and becoming the victim.

And so, dear reader, Loopy learned a few valuable lessons that day.

One, when provoked, don't respond in writing! Didn't The Fan always tell us to write an angry letter and then tear it before sending? The written word will always come back to haunt you. Having said that, Saucy is famous for her written letters of complaint (just ask Pepper) but an angry letter is never a good letter. A stupid funny letter or a serious well crafted, fact checked letter yes, but not an angry letter.

Two, when dealing with a bully... you may think of a comeback... it may be a great comeback... but maybe you don't need to deliver it. There's something driving every bully to torment everyone in their path already. Maybe you don't need to add to the family drama or the insecurities that may already exist. Walk away.

Three, if you decide to take on your bully, best to do it man-to-man, toe-to-toe, on the playground, one-on-one... verbally. It's like the 1-2 punch. Sometimes it has to be delivered for a knockout. It can't be avoided. But don't leave a paper trail, kid.


Reader, what valuable lesson did you learn when dealing with a bully?

It's never too early to plan for Christmas... Sweet Sassy and I have something extra special in the works... we'll tell you about it on Friday. If you live in the Saskatoon area, check back to see what all the commotion is about! Especially if you like socializing over delicious food and crafting. That's all I'm going to say about that.

So we decided it wouldn't be a "random act" of kindness if she took something to a friend... she often takes treats to share with friends. Today Loopy extended herself towards a girl she hasn't known too well before. We bundled up a Claire's lollipop lipgloss for her... and now you see, two shy girls have something to talk about!

Don't forget to swing by Sassy's blog linked in the post below for a chance to enter to win a Halloween toggle bracelet!


Kaz-A-Me said...

oooh I'm so excited & intrigued! What a girl that Loopy is - still being nice to others when so many of the girls around her are meanies! Way to go Loopy.

Angela Harris said...

That's so sweet. I bet that made her day! I don't understand how anyone could pick on that beautiful and lovely girl. It must be jelousy. Hmmm.. I hope it will end soon.

Genevieve said...

Well may angels attend Loopy from now on as she battles the bullies. At least she's proactive. Tell her to keep her chin up. :)

Those random acts of kindness are seeds sown and you both shall definitely reap a harvest. Indeed! Who doesn't lurrve lip gloss? Heck, I fell in love with the bag! Now what's in the box? hmmm....

Legallyblondemel said...

Wow, I was the shy girl in high school, and how cool would I have felt if someone lovely had given me a nice treat like that! Heck, it wouldn't hurt now.

As for angry letters, oh, the things I wish I could take back. One of those things we all have to learn for ourselves, I suspect, but - ugh.

Starshine said...

Oh, stink! I'm so sorry Loopy has endured so much only to have the bully turn it around and bully her some more!

Give her a hug from me!

amyf4 said...

I am glad she learned a good lesson but blech on the bully whether or not the home life situation is good. There is never an excuse to be mean. I speak from both sides of the fence. (My oldest can be mean because he has been treated mean but that doesn't make it ok) I wish I was closer for the something extra special.

Katie said...

OH! Katie wants to wrap Loopy in a cozy quilt and make her a lovely cup of tea. Poor dear.

Katie wishes she lived in Canada... :(

sassypriscilla said...

Poor Loopy. That kid got the point even if he did turn around and do something nasty. How sweet that she gave a lip balm to the shy girl. Some days I wish someone would recognize me and give me a little treat!

My dad told me I always had his permission to sock any boy that harassed me. I always had that in my pocket even if I never used it. Of course, things are different these days.

alittlebitofscrap said...

I learned silence is golden! I had this one guy pick on me constantly every chance he got and one day I just quit talking back, I didn't talk to him on in his presence for 3 days.. he eventually asked me what the problem was and we didn't have any problems after that.

Rebekah said...

Loopy might have gotten in trouble today, but "David" will probably remember what she wrote longer than he would have if she'd just hissed her thoughts at him. Points to David for calculating crappy behavior, but it doesn't mean Loopy isn't the overall victor.

My bully lesson? If you kick a bully in the shins after he knocks you down, and you are wearing circa-1979 clogs, they leave giant goose-eggs on bully-shins. Then YOU are the bully and go to the principal's office. Even if you are 4 feet tall and the bully is 5.5 feet tall. So. Wrong.

Saucy said...

Clogs. Obviously Loopy needs clogs. Sometimes violence is the answer.

Sugar Bear said...

I remember being tormented by a few boys in my class. One used to grab my butt everytime I walked by! At my 5 year high school reunion he apologized for being such a jerk and he even let me grab his butt (which I did!). I know its so hard to realize now but hopefully Loopy will know that this is all going to be water under the bridge at some point.

I love the shy girl lip gloss idea! We just found out we will be having a girl so I'll be looking to you for lots of fun advice!


The Shabby Princess said...

Poor Loopy!!

That was so nice of you ahd Loopy to give lipgloss to the shy girl :)

And also, cinnamon bears--do they not have those in Canada?!?! They are oversized cinnamon flavored gummi bears. They are amazing. You need some. Stat.

Lisa said...

How grown up of Loopy to write a letter as a response to a bully. Too bad it didn't work out in her favor :( But, we all know what a wonderful girl Loopy is even some boy doesn't.

I love that your random act of kindness was to give lipgloss to a shy girl. I bet that girl ran home and told her mom all about it and I bet her mother is as excited as she is. You have made the day of some very special people.

Michaele said...

My advice for my daughter regarding bullies has been the same as what my mother told me: I don't care if you cry, I don't care if you lose, but you MUST bloody, bruise, or rip the hair out of the bully's head so that s/he never tries it again. Chances are VERY GOOD that his/her buddies won't even try it *once* after that.

And they didn't.

**Sigh** But I grew up in Alaska, in 1) an Eskimo village, 2) a smaller college town, and 3) a small farming community (my mother was mobile).

Good thing I'm a kindergarten teacher, huh?


Rock on Loopy- it's a little mistake, and hey, you were practicing your writing skills! Whoo hoo!


Emily said...

I hate bullies!

It all boils down to jealousy. Your loopy is such a beauty. ;)

I love your Marie Antoinette post. I love it!

Fete et Fleur said...

Loopy is so pretty that boy is probably in love. Unfortunately, he is too immature to realize it and doesn't know how to express his admiration correctly! I am sorry she got caught with that note, but I'm sure she's learned a valuable lesson.

Hugs to Loopy and Saucy!


3continentfamily said...

Loopy has class- this bully and mean girls do not and never will (unless they suddenly become...nice). Bullies lack love and confidence, and sadly, they will probably grow up to be insecure and unhappy adults. Loopy will bloom and go forward- a beautiful, talented woman who will have compassion for sad sacks like those bullies.

I was bullied by 2 girls for a few months back in jr. high. It was terrible- it turned out (by their admission) they both had miserable home lives. They started picking on me after seeing me with my parents in town having a lovely afternoon and were jealous.

Ele at abitofpinkheaven said...

Poor Loopy, but suc good advice. I am going to copy and paste this one, as this is also a good post for dealing with adults; esp. the one on not delivering the comeback. You hit it right on the nose. It is actually not going to "fix" the bully as their thought process will not be justified, only adding to their ongoing problems. It is difficult because we want our daughters to be strong and stand up for themselves, but also make a difference. Thanks Saucy and give that girl a big hug!

Rosa said...

I wouldn't go back to be a teenager if you paid me. Poor Loop. I hope the teacher saw what was happening before she read the note. She's lucky to have you to back her up. Most kids don't and that's where the bullying comes in. It's the insecure ones that feel compelled to try and make others as miserable as they are. Hang in there Loopy!!

fluffymuffy said...

Miss Loopy's beauty shines not only outside but inside as well. What a lovely young woman you are raising. She is a testament to the fantastic job you are doing. Bullies need our pity. When she is grown she will look back on these years and be proud of who she was. I am using Loopy as an example for Muffy. BTW I have used most of my goodie box. I have had so much fun with my stuff.

Heather said...

Ugh! That just reminds me of my awful middle and high school days. They were so miserable at times. Here's what I learned.

1. Bullies are button pushers - Bullies do what they do because they know they can get a reaction. It gives them power and satisfaction knowing they can get you upset. If they don't get the reaction they want, they don't get that feeling of power over you and gradually leave you alone.

2. Laugh it off - This is related to #1. Not only did I not react with anger, I found ways to laugh it off while they were bothering me. This totally confused the bullies and they didn't know what to make of it. Even if what they said cut me to the core, I learned to never let them know they hurt me and they quickly lost interest.

3. Taking the high road works better than revenge - At one point, two of my primary tormentors went through my book bag while I was in the middle of a presentation in front of the class. They took notes I had written and received (containing embarrassing details about my crush on a boy in that class) and handed them around the room for my classmates to read. I found out when I got back to my desk and went to the teacher about it. She was livid, yanked them into the hall and tore into them. She was wise enough to bring me out with them once she was done and asked me what I wanted to do. She said that she would give them referrals to the principal and possible suspensions from school for their behavior.

As I stood facing my tormentors in the hall, full of vindication and righteous indignation, I had a moment of clarity. I realized that the punishment would only escalate the hostilities between us. I calmly told my teacher that I didn't want them to be punished. I only asked for the return of my notes, an apology and a promise that this kind of thing would never happen again. They were stunned and couldn't believe I being so mature and wasn't spiteful about it.

Later that day, both of the boys approached me and sincerely thanked me for not having them punished. One of them was seriously upset about the consequences with his parents if he was to be suspended or received a referral to the principal. He was very relieved that it hadn’t come to that. He honestly never thought through the impact of what he was doing. Both boys treated me with a new respect from then on and they never bothered me again. By Senior year, I was even on friendly terms with them both.

Heidi said...


I don't think you are missing anything in helping Loopy deal with bullies.

They probably do not understand her: she is absolutely gorgeous, but you have also written of her developmental issues. So it probably is a combination of a crush and confusion/frustration on the part of the boy, because she doesn't interact socially like most other girls.

And of course, his ignorance, background, etc... for dealing with it.

Regardless, I remember experiencing and seeing teasing of all kinds myself in school- it really is awful and so pervasive.

All you can do is what you are doing for Loopy. Keep bolstering her up in the ways that work.

You're doing a great job and so is she!

michelleb. said...

Although you hate to have your kids bullied, it's so great when they stand up for themselves. I'm sorry Loopy had been pushed to the limit.

Oh, and for a R.A.K. to be shown to the shy girl was so kind. I'm sure it made her feel so good and she'll remember it for a long time to come.