jobs at the woman's colony

I'm a realist. If Mrs. G gets the Woman's Colony up and running for the enjoyment of her readers, there will still be some responsibility to be had there. She will need help, make no doubt of it, in order to keep things running smoothly. We cannot leave this to men, we have established that much.

And so, consider this my application for a position at The Woman's Colony. I would make a fine group leader. But perhaps my talents lay elsewhere and would be more beneficial: fundraising.

Oh sure, Mrs. G promises long, lazy days of reading, spa treatments and bonding conversation. But we need to pay for it. Mrs. G has lots of ideas for funding The Colony, including turning tricks and celebrity endorsement.

But I must hearken (again with the British spelling) back to my freshman year at university. Or hearken further, to the summer before freshman year. I was employed full time at a well-paying job. Every penny I made went towards the cost of tuition and books for the upcoming academic year a new truck, a new dog, private pilot's lessons, going out with friends.

Thus, the day of reckoning arrived. My mother, The Fan knew that I'd not set aside one single penny towards the school year. She anticipated the whining, the pleading, the eye-fluttering that I would present to my father, The Secret Weapon. It was true. That was my financial plan.

The night before registration day, my friends invited me to go - to of all places - the race track. Having never been before and always up for new things wanting to get away from my mother, I split for the track immediately, where I placed the last few dollars to show for my summer of work on some special kind of race that I don't really understand but it had to do with three horses placing in three races or something like that... and of course you know where this is going...

The Fan woke me early the next morning to chastise me for my flagrant disregard of my financial responsibility and was met with a fistful of cash that paid for my tuition, my books, and then some - including a fistful of memberships in the social clubs on campus. Ha! I showed her!

Job skill number two: I should have a job at The Colony because I can look into the future and project the needs that we women might have. Why, I have already left a contingency plan for my bedridden years to deal with that recurring little hair that grows on my chin:
Yes, I am an over-planner, unlike my pre-college summer. I always have the essentials tucked away on my person, so I'm good in a pinch:


And you may remember that I 'fessed up to the fact that when I laugh too hard, a little pee comes out. I've taken care of that for the future too, and I will gladly share:

But the more obvious reason that I am a perfect candidate for - dare I say it - some sort of administrative position at The Woman's Colony - is that like our fearless leader Mrs. G, I too have had issues with my hair over the years.
It began at the hands of The Fan:


And later, a lesser-maintenance hairdo to see me through grade school:


But high school approached, and I heard that hair was IMPORTANT there...










Truth be told, this one was a bit of a costume of sorts but I wore it for the entire day, well past the point where I needed to wear it and I think that also says something about my dedication.
And so, fellow Woman's Colony members, let me work for you. I don't want this to be a long and ugly campaign. I'd like to have it sewn up before the convention.

30 comments:

Starshine said...

Here via Derfwad Manor. Great job on the scrambled eggs recipe!

I sure hope you get the job at the Women's Colony! You seem like the type who will get things done!

Manager Mom said...

Holy moley. It's like someone photoshopped your face over my hairstyles. You are my long lost sister in feathering! See You at the Women's Colony. I don't think I'm qualified to be a group leader but I can certainly pick up garbage or carry heavy things...

Mrs. G. said...

We'll have to follow the democratic process and vote, but you, clearly, are the one for the job. The devotion you have shown to your hair and fashion speaks volumes!

debra said...

Oh Saucy, what great hair you've had. From cropped bangs to Farrah Fawcett, I have shared these do's. And I also had a gay hair dresser friend try out new! and improved! ideas on me (ever try a perm on curly hair...?).
I shall be at the Women's Colony with bells on.

so NOT cool said...

Our hair has been living parallel lives!!

Janet said...

Loved skipping down memory lane with you, Saucy! Hey...did I ever tell you I met James Taylor once? In Japan? He was quite nice :-)

LOVED the [presumed} Halloween costume picture :-)

Do tell some of the words Veto has introduced you to!

You know that heart picture with all the pins? Substitute a head of garlic and substitute black tipped pins and I'll tell you a story about the dark arts in junior high ;-) Love Tim Burton!

Junie Moon said...

I'd say your application fully demonstrates your qualifications. It's also an example of your wonderful sense of humor.

Lisa Milton said...

Just when I declared: No more new blogs - must get something done around here - Mrs. G posts that darling halloween picture and I had to stop by and write run-on sentences.

(You have my support. See you at the colony.)

I'm glad someone else is a bit concerned about the chin maintenance...

stephanie said...

I think since we all seem to have been through every one of your hair moments (I see a channeling of Go-Gos in college) but you were the one brave enough to post pictures, you win the leader position.

Live long & prosper for us!

Keetha said...

I will totally vote for you for Group Leader. Does that mean you'll help me lobby for All Carb Day? I think at least once a month we should have the opportunity to indulge in the very best of the worst foods.

Maybe once a WEEK, actually.

Amy said...

Sometimes I think my whole life has been "awkward years." I'm looking forward to my 40's. I think that's when I'll finally come into my own as far as my look. I just had 6 inches cut off my hair and have scheduled a recut for Saturday. Obviously, I'm not there yet!

Hen said...

Arrived via Mrs G - the carpet tale is fabulous!

Personally I think any of us that were in our 'prime' during the 80's.....actually all look younger now - the 80's were cruel style years!

MamaBird said...

oh yes, the 80s - but did your spiral perm also remove layers of skin? nothing like 2nd degree burns with the feathered bangs! love the voodoo doll, i too had one (of a teacher) in junior high. that's it! you've got my vote!

Camellia said...

I came into the mating years during the MOD SQUAD era...that fossiizes me. And your straight hair? Mine naturally fro'ed during the time every one was pursuing that Peggy Lipton long to her butt straight hair. I adapted by forgetting about my hair...except for the time I went in and said, ' want it short,'and within minutes I heard a razor buzzing the back of my head! But I'm wandering.

You get my group leader vote...I will demonstrate naps.

Saucy said...

All Carb Day will also be supplemented by:

All Chocolate Day

... if it gets me more votes. I'm a total Hillary that way.

whodoesshethinksheisanyway said...

I have just one question. How is it that you came to be a Sox fan? I heart the Red Sox!
-Auntie

mrs. blogoway said...

Your story of stealing the rug at the discount store had me snorting in laughter... What's with you Canadians and your lack of morals? Just kiddin' but my best friend is from Ontario and she is the same way! She takes us out to lunch and makes her company pay for it and also steals diesel from her job and uses it for awesome bonfires at her house. She's priceless and I'm so glad to have found your blog today thru Mrs. G. Keep up the good work! I expect to hear some Pottery Barn stories next.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

You get my vote! Because I'm all about letting other's do the work!

I also keep tweezers in my purse. It has become mandatory.

All Adither said...

Just found you via Mrs. G. (isn't she a doll?). It takes a lot to impress me nowadays--so jaded am I--but I dig your blog. Will be back.

Angie (from AllAdither.com)

Nora Bee said...

Hi! I, for one, love your 80s hair. Embrace the 80s! Wahoo! And, I'll arm wrestle you for James Taylor?

MJ said...

The Fan was virtually responsible for all early 'dos; Andrew has to assume responsibility for the latter.

Although I am generally green with envy with all the talents possessed by your family members, I have just come to the shocking realization that I have something you don't: a family who is incompetent with cameras and, consequently, very few photos of me sporting horrid hairdos exist. Thank goodness that there weren't zoom lens in my family; you have to virtually squint to identify anyone in any photo that exists.

Best of luck on your candidacy....

katydidnot said...

i have just recently come out of a Hair Fugue. so i'm with you. brilliant mrs. g. post too.

and your family? stunning. especially the fan.

Melissa said...

That story about the race CRACKED ME UP. Of course you're in charge of fundraising for The Colony!!!
Ah, the history of hair. Your story is even more eventful than mine!

Scout said...

I would most certainly vote for you if administrative positions were to be held to a vote. You are well-prepared, not afraid to make yourself vulnerable by showing pictures of your hair phases, and you're funny. Oh, and you like scrambled eggs.

Tracey said...

What a stitch! Are you always this funny?

You know, my 9 year old's hair is looking like your high school ones. Apparently, 80's girl hair is in style if you're a boy in grade school...

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Wandered over from Derfwad Manor...glad to meet you!

Pepper said...

Man, can I ever see Buddy in the picture of you on the step!

Yep, hair flashbacks, did we really look that bad????

michelleb. said...

OH.MY.GOSH! Just paste my face on the hair photos and color them brunette and that's me!

I don't think anyone will be seeing any of my photos any time soon and if they want to, I'm direting them to your blog Saucy! Who cares if it's not technically me...you are every girl I've ever known!

mblaise29@yahoo.com

Mrs. G. said...

I wish you still did food posts--we could still use you. Especially now that I am one of the most hated people on the internets.

dendy said...

thanks for sharing!