bad mother of the year

I spent the evening sifting through old photos to share with you some of the wonderous moments of motherhood. I was looking for pictures of the fantastic birthday parties given for Loopy in years past... and I was appalled to find nothing but glaring proof of my poor mothering:


At seven years old, I decided that it would be too much work to have a sleepover. So out of necessity, I invented the "almost sleepover" where partygoers would arrive in slumber attire after supper and revel until the wee hours... around nine o'clock... when I would be tired of them and send them home all hopped up on cake and ice cream. They can throw up at home.


And what did I notice in the photos? I guess I gave them candy cigarettes. And let them apply their own makeup, trashy-style.


The next year, I embraced my badness before the party even started:

The parties were legendary mother-daughter events. Daughters in one room, eating candy. Mothers in the other room, drinking martinis.


In 2003, everyone came to Salon Saucy for the evening:


And glamorous mother-daughter "after" photos! The mothers (and a couple of grandmothers) had the best time at a child's birthday party, evah.


For this extravaganza, I hired students from the local beauty academy. They gave everyone a glam "updo" complete with tiaras from the sale rack at Claires. Wine tasting for the mommies, ice-cream tasting for the girlies (okay, mommies had ice cream too).




A few days in the big city for sightseeing. Where did we go? To see Ed the Sock of course.






Self-explanatory. Even though this photo was taken on the occasion of my graduation with a Master's Degree in Education, it proves that I shouldn't be in charge of children in any way:


But the worst story, by far?

The adventure of the Mary Kate doll from Brownies. The Brownie leader sent Mary Kate or Ashley home with a different Brownie every week. All week, the host Brownie would document all of Mary Kate or Ashley's wonderful adventures in a journal and read it at the next meeting. A typical week for dolly went something like this: We went to see granny at the nursing home! Mary Kate came with me to school for show and tell! We drove through McDonald's for ice cream!


But a week with Loopy and Saucy, miscreant mother? Loopy reported to the shocked and horrified Brownie group that Mary Kate stayed up too late dancing. She fell off the back of the sofa and and cried out in agony. She had to be rushed to emergency where a CAT scan revealed she needed surgery. She suffered broken limbs and a concussion. Then the Brownies were invited to sign her cast.


So tell me, am I a bad mother?

14 comments:

100 Percent Cottam said...

oooh my gosh, i'm rolling on the floor. you're my kind o' woman! that mother daughter party is fabulous!!!

Tootsie Farklepants said...

You RAWK!

Junie Moon said...

Excuse me...I have to rush to the bathroom now as I've been laughing too hard. Y'know what happens to old women who laugh too hard? Yep, that's right!

Melissa said...

You are too dang funny. I don't know what has me laughing harder--Earl's for cocktails or the Brownie doll. I bet your kids are turning out all right in spite of you;)

Scrappy Jessi said...

nah!!! your the best kind of mom! my kids think im crazy. o well they will remember there childhood!
keep on with the corupting!
your doing a great job!
jessi

Lilli said...

Hee-heee! You're a hoot and a half! A good sense of humour will take you far in life, that's fer sure.

Thanks for visiting my blog :)

Erin Earls said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Erin Earls said...

If my kids were ment to be "normal" they would not have been given to me! Love the Brownie doll, and all the "bad mom" moments.
Love Erin~

Janet said...

in the trashy makeup shots, LOVE the one of the little girl on the lower left hand side. she's holding that cancer stick wannabee like a pro! In fact...she LOOKS a bit like a pro ;-)

Tiffany said...

I bet you took courses at the Lorelai Gilmore School of Mothering, didn't you? (but seriously, who didn't want Lorelai as their mom?)

Pepper said...

Ah, good times Saucy!

Heidi said...

Hah! Amazing party theme, amazing friend, amazing family. I'm inspired by your post again.
Thank you.

Rhonda said...

This is one of the funniest blogs! I have to go give all my pictures a double take now. I love the icecream parties, great idea.

Rhonda said...
This comment has been removed by the author.