an open letter to my husband

** Editors note: Saucy was shopping at her favourite discount retailer this morning and found the floor model of the gas range shown below on sale for the ghastly-low sum of $600.00. She immediately phoned Veto and told him where the stove was, and that perhaps, since the stove we inherited in our new house is so very common, we might consider replacing it at that price.

Shortly thereafter, the telephone rang. Veto was standing in the showroom in front of said appliance. He made the following offer: he would purchase the range but it would be instead of - that is in lieu of - a Christmas gift. And a birthday gift. Hmmmmmm.

My Darling,

While you have made me a lovely offer, I will have to decline. You are always most sweet and generous with me. I could not ask for a more loving and sweet husband! I blog about you ALL the time. The blog girls are positively green with envy over you.

I do believe that a smart wife would refuse the offer to have an appliance to which she would surely be chained to in order to produce the delightful chicken fingers, lemon pies and pepper steaks that have made me so famous, as a substitute for both a Christmas and birthday gift!

And while I am greatly flattered that the sum of $600.00 divided into two parts equals a very generous birthday and Christmas allocation, I believe that I would undermine my own cause should I accept. Surely I would be better off "spinning the wheel of chance" as it were and let you loose on the mall to find me a pair of mittens or slippers or something. In this regard, I take the chance that one day, the stove we currently own will need to be replaced at any rate... and we will find ourselves at the aforementioned appliance store, and I will then choose the model I would like in order to continue providing the delicious pepper steaks I have already described here.

Then, surely, a wise and Saucy gal like myself will have both the range, and the mittens, or whatever little goodie you decide to put in my stocking.

In closing, I remain ever-smitten with you, and most of the time, with the way that you think. You are so generous that you even took me to San Fransisco for my 40th birthday this year, and that cannot go without mention, should you come off looking less than the very-damned-near-close-to-perfect husband that you are. You also purchased not one, but two, Diptique candles for me on a complete impulse while we were there, such the indulgence of a candle like that is truly the only thing a girl needs to feel special.

So if you would like, you can buy me just one more of those candles for Christmas. It would only cost fifty dollars. And we could buy the stove for the kitchen.

Much lurve and kisses,

8 comments:

BOSSY said...

Uh, maybe - but that's one Sexy stove!

BOSSY said...

PS - Bossy just noticed you've blogrolled Bossy's ancient URL - the URL she is trying to kill but it lives on, like an annoying cockroach. Or Elvis.

Please consider updating your Bossy link to the new URL so Bossy doesn't lose track of you:

http://www.iambossy.com/

Saucy said...

Oh Bossy, I'll get it done right away. You sure get around.

MJ said...

My only hesitation is this: are you considering renovating your kitchen and, if so, would this appliance fit into the new decor? How soon were you planning to renovate ~ a side-argument to booster your position?

Meanwhile, my 'practical' linen-like but machine washable curtains have been custom-ordered. I would like to get new blinds to accompany them but can't justify the price when the current ones are satisfactory and K & N are prone to play with them. Seems like I have a little Veto in me (plus a dh who also thinks frequently like Veto).

Mrs. G. said...

Veto, take my advice, buy her the stove. If nothing else, think of the children...and the pepper steak.

Junie Moon said...

Hmmmm...his offer is nice but I agree that I'd rather take potluck on the Christmas and birthday gift. My husband and I agreed when we married that appliances or other house things would not be gifts but necessary purchases for the house. Although I appreciate practical gifts, "tools" for family use are slightly out of the line of "I love you madly and want you to have this gift to show how special you are to me" kind of thing. So I understand your trepidation.

Saucy said...

MJ, I think you are missing my point. Firstly, Saucy would only ever entertain an appliance that would suit her decor and future plans, surely you know that!!! Second, Saucy really doesn't need a side argument... even though a good lawyer like yourself would tell her to have one... no side argument would boost the argument that under no circumstance should a husband "combine" Christmas and birthday gifts... especially when the events are five months apart. The only second argument I can only come up with for you is that surely a wife could accept a "combined" gift for two occasions if it "combined" diamonds or other precious gems. But don't "combine" with appliances.

I wouldn't even mind an appliance like that lovely range for Christmas... but "combined" with my birthday...? Reeeeeaaalllly.

Starshine said...

Saucy,

You are SO...saucy! I love it!

xo,
Starshine

P.S. I enjoyed reading the above exchange between Saucy and Bossy...you two rhyme!